What You Own
by colormetheworld
Summary: Jane, Olivia and Emily are best friends. Pairings: Alex/Olivia, Jane/Maura, Emily/JJ. More descriptive A/N inside
1. I-I: Emily

**This is a crossover featuring Law &amp; Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, and Rizzoli &amp; Isles. It features the pairs Jane/Maura, Emily/JJ and Olivia/Alex, although it centers around Jane, Emily and Olivia. You do not need to be familiar with all of these shows or ships in order to read this fic. I hope I've filled it out enough that it will be an engaging read even if you don't know any of the shows. Although the fic is going to stick to a common theme, it will jump a bit around in terms of chronology. I don't think it will be too difficult to follow, but feel free to shoot me questions/comments as I go along. **

**This is my first try at a crossover. **

**I hope it's successful!**

**happy reading**

**tc**

…

…

…**...**

"You're fidgeting."

Emily snaps out of her trance and looks around at JJ.

"What?"

JJ's eyes stay on the road, but a smile pulls at her lips. "You're biting your nails, Em," she says, gesturing with the hand closest to the passenger seat. "C'mon. You gotta calm down. I don't understand why you're so nervous."

Emily sighs heavily, leaning her head against the window of the car and watching the scenery roll by. "I'm not…" she begins, but she catches the look JJ gives her out of the corner of her eye, and rethinks her approach.

"It's not nerves, really," she tries again, insisting when JJ rolls her eyes. "It's _not_. I mean. They're like my sisters. They are more family to me than any real family."

JJ clears her throat and Emily amends at once. "Except for you and Henry, JJ. Don't get all ruffled. I meant...I meant like the ambassador."

JJ still doesn't take her eyes off the road, but Emily still has the feeling that the other woman is reading her. As if he can hear her call him through his dreaming, Henry mumbles incoherently from his booster seat in the back.

JJ glances fondly into the rearview mirror, and then throws a look at Emily, a quick, searching thing that lingers on the brunette's hands, clenched tightly in her lap.

"You know," she says after a moment. "You never told me how the three of you met."

Emily frowns. "I'm sure I did," she says.

JJ shakes her head. "No, you never did. You said the three of you kind of, fell in with each other when you moved to Boston for 8th grade, but you never really went into detail."

Emily looks back out the window, trying to remember a time when she'd spoken in detail to JJ about her childhood.

She comes up empty.

"We didn't just fall in with each other," she says finally. "It took some doing."

In the fading light from the afternoon, Emily sees JJ raise an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

Emily lets out a breath. "Jane was not my biggest fan."

JJ chuckles, "You could have fooled me. I've never heard a more worried voice on the phone than when I called and told Jane Silas."

Emily has to smile too. She remembers the three way call that had happened after that case, her two best friends unloading all their fear and concern in the only way they knew how. Jane using every swear word she could think of, Olivia low voiced and tight lipped.

"Yeah. Well. Once she loves you, you're in for life," Emily says. "But you gotta get in first."

"So how did you get in?"

Emily thinks for a moment, and then she laughs. JJ looks at her, confused.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

Emily leans back in her seat, still smiling. "You know," she says, "You know, I think I got in...by getting knocked out.

…

…

For several days, she watches them from a distance, gathering facts. At first she thinks they are sisters. They are always together, and the younger one seems to lean on the older in a fashion that denotes a closeness found in familial bonds. But then, one day towards the end of April, she decides to follow them home, and she is surprised to see them disappear into different houses.

Later, in her own house, she unpacks the emotion and comes to understand that her shock stems from envy. She is envious that these two girls share a bond close enough that they can be mistaken for sisters. She has never had any friends that close. She was not aware until just that moment that it was something she wanted.

But she does.

She is a new 8th grader in a school where the children have been together since infancy. She is taller than many of the girls, and some of the boys. She dresses with wealthy, European style, and speaks French with a perfect accent that even the teacher has not mastered. She sticks out like a sore thumb. No one even tries to engage her. By the end of her second week in her new school, Emily Prentiss has made up her mind.

Boston does not like her.

Gradually, she learns the names of her two studies. The younger one is Jane, a sixth grader, tempestuous and unrefined. The only time Emily sees her alone is when she's sitting, wild haired and smug outside of the principal's office, or when she glimpses her trudging hesitantly up the stairs to her house. Otherwise, she is surrounded by her friends, or shoulder to shoulder with the older girl, whose name, Emily finds out, is Olivia.

Olivia is in eighth grade, like Emily, and where Jane is loud and brash and cocky in her confidence, Olivia is quiet and intense, observant. Her last name is Benson, and with Emily being a Prentiss, they don't sit anywhere near each other in the classes they share. But sometimes, Emily will look over to see the other girl staring out the window, daydreaming, or doodling little patterns on the covers of her text books. Opposite to Emily, Olivia excels in Science, is passable in math, and struggles with English and history. It is this knowledge that pushes Emily into action, on a rainy Thursday morning 27 days after she arrives in Boston.

She approaches Olivia at her locker after the last bell, hands clutched around her books so tightly that the pale skin of her fingers looks almost translucent.

_Just do it_, she thinks, trying to banish the nerves from her expression. _She's a girl, not a shark._

"Hi," she says, too loudly, too brusquely. She can feel herself blush. "Um…Olivia?"

The girl turns to her slowly, or maybe it is just Emily's mind that has slowed the moment down.

"Hi Emily," Olivia says easily. "What's up?"

Emily is too stunned to speak for a moment, and when she does finally regain control of her vocal chords, what comes out makes her blush deepen. "How do you know my name?"

Olivia raises an eyebrow, looking slightly amused. "We have three classes together," she says, and her voice holds no bite. "I assume it's the same way you know mine."

Emily accepts this answer, resisting the impulse to explain that she knows Olivia's name for a much different reason.

"Belanger was brutal today, huh?" Olivia says lightly, turning back to her locker to continue packing her books. "She lost me right around the part where she said the entire book wasn't really about a meatpacking plant after all."

"It's a metaphor," Emily says without thinking. "The struggles of the workers and the family are only devices the author employs to speak to a larger injustice happening in the real world."

Emily drops her gaze to her shoes, cursing her reflexive need to impress, but when she looks back up, Olivia is looking back at her, face just as easy and open as when the conversation began.

"Sure," she says good naturedly, "would have probably helped if I'd read it."

And Emily finds herself laughing. Olivia looks pleased. Emily opens her mouth to say something that is hopefully just as witty, but the sound of running feet makes them both look around.

Jane Rizzoli enters the scene in her usual, tornado like fashion, all curly raven hair and disheveled uniform. Emily watches Olivia's expression soften into one of affectionate exasperation.

"Jane," she says with a chuckle. "You're going to get a demerit for running in the hall."

"And for your uniform," Emily puts in before she can stop herself.

Jane turns to eye her incredulously. "Who asked you anyway?" she retorts, though her demeanor lacks the aggressive conviction she's clearly striving for.

"This is Emily," Olivia says with a quick smile in the other girl's direction.

"Yeah," Jane says. "I know. I see you around. Finally got up the nerve to talk to us, huh?"

Emily feels her stomach give a little kick. "What?"she asks.

"Jane," Olivia murmurs, but Jane continues on, oblivious.

"Took ya long enough. I was beginning to think you would never ask anyone to hang out. I thought you might think you were too good for us, but Liv says you're just shy… So, which is it?"

Emily stares at her.

Jane looks supremely proud of herself for stumping an eighth grader. Olivia rolls her eyes, and reaches out to give Jane a little push.

"Lay off her, Jay, seriously." She turns back to Emily. "We weren't like…stalking you or anything," she explains. "We just noticed you…noticing."

"Yahyah," Jane agrees, her wide brown eyes staring up into Emily's face, "like this." She looks off into middle distance like a zombie.

Olivia laughs, and Emily, after a moment's hesitation, laughs along with them.

"I didn't realize I was being so obvious," she says. "I will invest in a camouflage and some binoculars next time."

Jane has a laugh like the bark of a dog, happy and quick. "Ready?" she asks Olivia. "And you can come too, Emily, if you're game."

"Come where?" Emily asks, as Olivia groans.

Jane looks at her, disbelieving. "Uh…hello? It's been raining all day? Mud football in the park!" she hops up and down three times.

"No," Olivia whines. "C'mon Jay, it's not even Friday. We'll still be soaked through tomorrow in school."

Emily tilts her head at this argument. It seems off to her somehow, though she couldn't put her finger on why.

"Nah," Jane says, unperturbed. "Just do your stuff at my place." She turns to look at Emily, her face alive with a sort of naïve excitement that Emily wonders if she ever even possessed.

She glances at Olivia, who grins a little wickedly, Jane's excitement seeming to infect her. "I'm in if you're in," she says.

Emily looks between the two of them, weighing her options. She is dressed immaculately in her school uniform with nothing to change into. If she tracks mud into her house, the ambassador will be furious.

These two girls are being nicer to her than she ever imagined girls could be.

"I'm in," she says.

…

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

"Would you please stop swearing. Don't touch her! We don't even know what's wrong with her…Emily? Can you hear us?"

"Oh…damn…oh damn, Liv, she's not moving."

"Stop swearing!"

"Damn isn't a swear!"

"Yes it is."

"No it's not. Pop says."

"Yeah, your _father_ is the one we should be asking about what is and isn't appropriate language."

Emily opens her eyes slowly, looking up at the two muddy, slightly panicked faces of Jane and Olivia floating above her. The rain has eased up, and as her senses return to her, she realizes she is lying flat on her back on the ground, the wet grass soaking her skin through her shirt.

"Wha-what happened?" she mumbles, her mouth slow to catch up with her brain.

Olivia's face is nothing but open relief. "Oh, thank God," she sighs. "Emily? You okay?"

If Jane's face shows relief, it is masked by excitement. "You got pummeled," she crows. "Stabler took you down hard in the end zone."

Emily looks between them, still dazed. Vaguely, she recalls a tall, muscular boy launching himself into her peripheral vision. "Did I score?" she asks weakly.

Olivia frowns, but Jane laughs again, sitting back on her heels and pulling her wet muddy hair out her face. "You sure did!" she cries. "We won! _You_won!" She pumps her fist in the air. "Best game ever!"

Emily starts to move, to sit up, but Olivia puts a firm hand on her shoulder. "You were completely unconscious," she says, still looking worried. "For like ten seconds. You didn't move at all."

Emily lets her head fall back against the wet earth, appraising. "Well," she says after a minute. "I have a small head ache. But I know the day of the week. I know who you are and where we are, and what we came out here to do…so…I'm going to assume it's a mild, mild concussion. At the worst." She attempts to sit up again, and this time Olivia lets her, sitting back on her heels and watching Emily intently.

"Jane kicked Stabler in nuts," she says matter of factly. "For taking you out so hard." She pauses, like she's trying to decide if she should continue. "I would have too…if that were my thing."

Emily laughs, and Olivia visibly relaxes. "Remind me to thank Jane for the sentiment," she says. "Will you help me up?"

Five minutes later, the three of them are walking down the sidewalk in the fading autumn light, Jane bouncing between the teenagers, still recounting the highlights of the game.

"And then," she says excitedly, throwing a glance at Emily, "well…you know what happened. And we won!"

Emily glances at Olivia, who is watching Jane with a sort of maternal affection that she's seen on the girl's face before. She wonders about their relationship again, at what has brought such different girls together, but when she catches Olivia's eye, she realizes that it is not a good time to ask.

As they walk, the mud covering their bodies begins to dry, and when they turn onto the street that has Olivia and Jane's houses, they are all walking like reanimated little mummies.

"You guys do this a lot?" Emily asks, picking at the crust of mud on her elbow as they walk.

Olivia nods, "enough," she says ruefully. "Mud football is Jane's favorite game."

"Wrong," Jane says from a couple paces in front of them. When she turns to face them, walking backwards, her face is streaked with mud, like war paint. "Wrong. My favorite game is field hockey. But I can't play until high school."

"Sure you could," Emily says without thinking. "There's tons of leagues around town for kids your age."

The silence that meets this suggestion makes her glance around, and then go red with realization. She opens her mouth, trying to think of a way to take back what she's just said, and then closes it again, understanding that anything she says will make it worse.

Jane has stopped bouncing. She glares hard at Emily and then falls into step next to Olivia on the sidewalk, forcing Emily to walk half a step behind them.

Olivia says nothing, and Emily doesn't complain.

At the foot of the stairs to Jane's house, the girl turns and squares her shoulders to Emily, who can tell by her body language that she will not be allowed admission into the house. Not today.

"Did you have fun?" She asks it like an interrogation specialist, and even five inches shorter, and skinny as a rail, Emily can't help feeling a little intimidated.

"Yes," she says, glad that she doesn't have to pretend. "Right up until I lost consciousness. Yes."

Olivia smiles, but Jane's lips don't even twitch. Without taking her eyes off of Emily, she addresses Olivia.

"You want to do your stuff at my house?"

Olivia shakes her head, still grinning. "I'm good, Jay," she says softly. "See you tomorrow?"

And Jane nods, and turns and bounds up her porch steps, and Emily has just turned after Olivia to head down the street, when Jane calls out.

"See you tomorrow, Prentiss."

She waves over her shoulder, unsure if she's ever had a wider smile.

…

…

Emily stops talking as Boston's skyline comes into view. She stares at the prudential building, lit up against the darkening sky, and she feels exhilaration and abject terror in the same breath.

JJ reaches across the gearshift to put her hand on her girlfriend's knee.

"Em-"

"It's been so long," Emily says in a rush. "It's been such a long time since we all really sat down and...I don't know. What if we have nothing to say to each other. What if we've outgrown what kept us together in childhood? What if-"

"Shh," JJ says firmly. "It's too late, Emily."

"Too late for what?"

"Too late to second guess yourself," JJ answers, pointing out the windshield of the car.

"We're here."


	2. I-II: Olivia

Olivia is in awe of Emily Prentiss.

Of her perfectly pressed uniform and her delicate silver necklaces. She wears penny loafers with shiny copper pennies peeking through the little hole in the tongue, and her French is so precise that sometimes she stumps their teacher with her vocabulary. They've been spending a lot of time together at school, the three of them. But when Jane is busy with soccer, or her schedule doesn't line up with the 8th graders, Olivia finds herself gravitating towards Emily. There is something mysterious and alluring about her. Olivia can't quite put her finger on it.

"Yesterday she was wearing a ring, did you see?" Olivia says, vaguely aware that she could be talking about their new friend too much. "It had a real diamond in it." She grabs one end of the fitted sheet and waits while Jane grabs the other.

"How do you know it was a real diamond?" Jane asks, sounding a little surly.

"I asked her."

Jane bites her lip. "She coulda lied," she says, stretching her section of sheet down over the mattress and reaching for another end.

"She wasn't lying," Olivia says, slightly irritated. "Why would she lie about something like that?"

Jane doesn't answer for a moment, just pulls the last corner of the sheet over the mattress and reaches for the next layer. "So what," she says finally, "she's like…married?"

Olivia snorts. "No, you punk, it wasn't a wedding ring. It was just like a ring for whenever. She wasn't wearing it on her wedding finger."

Jane is silent again, and they finish with the top sheet and the comforter before she speaks again.

"Well, who'd want to wear a ring just for no reason anyways?" she says grumpily.

Olivia doesn't answer. She moves around the corner of the bed to inspect Jane's hospital corners. She knows that the younger girl is just trying to make her feel better, but it was not out of jealousy that she'd brought up the diamond ring.

"She lived in France," Olivia hears herself say. She cannot help it. "And Tunisia, and-"

"That's a made up place," Jane says indignantly. "She's just boasting, hoping you'll like her." Jane's expression is a mixture of exasperation and worry. "She's just trying to impress you."

"Tunisia is too a real place, Jane," Olivia says, trying to keep her own frustration to herself. "And she showed me pictures."

Jane blinks, absorbing this, and Olivia realizes that she has said the exact wrong thing for the moment.

"Tuesday/Thursday lunch," she explains, even though Jane hasn't asked. "You're out at soccer the whole time."

Jane's face does not betray any emotion. Olivia sighs, knowing not to push it. She changes the subject instead. "These corners look really good, though, Jane."

Jane shrugs.

"You ready?"

Jane nods, but doesn't look at her. Together, they exit the bedroom and make their way down the little hallway to the living room.

Serena Benson is collapsed on the threadbare sofa in the front room of the apartment. Her mouth hangs open, slack. She is snoring slightly, the crease between her eyebrows barely there in her sleep. The empty gin bottle sits between her legs, tilted towards the floor.

Olivia doesn't like to look at her this way. Jane hangs back a little as Olivia walks up to the couch and tugs gently on her mother's arm.

"Mom?"

Serena doesn't move.

"Mom. We cleaned the bed. Put new sheets on and everything. You can get back in it now."

No response.

"Maybe we should leave her," Jane whispers tentatively. "I mean…she's sitting up, and she's not like-"

"No," Olivia says firmly. "If she throws up on the couch it won't come clean." She slips her mother's limp arm around her shoulders. "Help me."

Even though she is almost three years Olivia's junior, Jane is tall and strong for her age. Together, they manage to half walk, half drag Serena down the hall and into the bedroom.

As Olivia tucks her mother in, Jane bends and gathers the soiled sheets up into her arms. "We can do these at my place," she says, shoving them into the trash bag that's been lying ready by the door. "Pop fixed the washer, and if you don't put too much in at once it works pretty well. But they'll have to hang dry."

"I got enough quarters," Olivia says, "we can dry them at the Suds and Duds after."

Jane nods, and she seems to struggle with herself for a moment before saying, a little defiantly.

"_I'm _here, Liv…you know? I'm the one who's here."

Olivia nods.

Understood.

...

Olivia and Jane walk to school together every day. They have for the past four years. Since Olivia had discovered small, tousle haired, kindergarten Jane Rizzoli at a crosswalk on the way to the elementary school building. Olivia had watched as the walk sign had flashed safe to cross, then back to red, and then safe again three times. Jane hadn't moved.

When she'd approached the little girl and asked her why she didn't cross the street, Jane had explained that her mother had forbid her to cross without holding the hand of an adult.  
"I don't us'ally care," she'd said, puffing her little chest out. "But I dn't want to even _die_." Her big brown eyes went wide. "I'm not astupid."

So Olivia had taken her hand and crossed the street with her. She'd done it the next day, and every day that week, and when she'd come out of her house on the following Monday, Jane had been waiting for her, oversized bookbag slung over her shoulder.

When they switched schools, moved up to the middle school, which was a much longer walk, with many more crossings, there was no discussion about whether or not they would ride the bus or take the metro. They knew each other well enough by then to understand that neither of their families had the money for that.

So they walked. It became as familiar a ritual to Olivia as brushing her teeth in the morning, or staggering the amount of wine bottles in the recycling. So later, when she looks back on the Monday morning in question, she will not be able to explain why she forgot about Jane's existence entirely.

Emily Prentiss is waiting for Olivia when she opens the door. She is dressed in a woolen gray pea coat and a cream colored hat with a little pompom on top. Her hands are encased in leather gloves.

"Hi," she says, trying for cheerful, but landing somewhere just south of nervous. "I wondered if you wanted to ride to school with me? It's starting to get cold." She gestures over her shoulder to where a sleek black car is idling at the curb. It looks like a car from a movie. It looks like a care that royalty would emerge from.

Olivia does not even consider saying no, but her mouth is also refusing to accept. She pictures herself getting out of the car in front of the school, her new friend by her side, and all the kids that used to whisper about her in the hallways would now be dying to come up to her and chat.

Emily bites her lip, "Olivia?"

Olivia snaps back to reality. "huh?"

"Do you want to ride to school with me?"

_Yes. Yes! Yes yes!_ "Sure," Olivia says, as casually as she can. She hopes that the other girl doesn't notice her hands are shaking. "Let me just grab my stuff." Emily starts to follow Olivia into the hall, but Olivia puts her hand up.

"No!" she says, too forcefully. "Just wait here…k?"

Emily's eyebrows have pulled together, but she nods and takes a step back. Olivia runs back into her apartment to grab her sweater and her shoulder bag. She cracks the door to her mother's room and watches the lump on the bed until she is sure it is rising and falling.

Then she runs back to the front door and pulls it open.

Emily is still there.

"Ready?"

Olivia's fingers tingle with excitement.

"Ready."

…

Olivia does not realize what she has done until she and Emily are passing Jane's locker, and even then she looks at it for a while, trying to understand why she feels so uneasy.

Then it hits her. Hits her hard enough that she stops walking.

"Oh, shit," she says under her breath.

Emily stops a couple paces ahead and looks back at her, eyebrows raised.

"You don't usually swear," she says calmly. "What's up?"

"We left Jane," the sentence makes her stomach start to hurt. "Oh shit, we left Jane," she says again, but the pain doesn't ease. She looks up at Emily and a second realization hits her square in the chest.

"You didn't forget," she says lowly. "_You _didn't forget Jane."

Emily blinks, her face staying impassive. Finally she opens her mouth. "No," she says. "I didn't."

…

* * *

…

"Rizzoli."

"Remember how jealous you were of Emily and Me?"

There is a pause on the line. Olivia smiles, picturing her best friend's face, half asleep and fully grumpy. They will often call each other like this, one of them pulling up some piece of the past that is preventing sleep. Usually the call comes near midnight, or in the wee hours of the morning, and this time is no exception. Olivia glances at the clock on her nightstand. It glows 1:52am.

"Nice way to start a conversation," Jane says finally, yawning. "Let's see…Do I remember how jealous I was…" There is a smile in the detective's voice as she pretends to think. "I remember my best friend pretending I didn't exist for weeks at a time…I remember how she ditched me to do nerd things with her fancy new friend without so much as a 'see you later.' Could that be what you're referring to?"

Olivia laughs. "Hey, Jane."

"Hey, Liv. Can't sleep?"

"Guy's targeting kids under ten. Keeps them for three days then puts them in crowded places to be found. No one ever sees him drop them. No leads in over a week."

Jane waits a full beat before answering. "Say it," she says finally.

Olivia sighs, running her fingers through her hair. "Seeing these kids so torn up," she says, lowering her voice. "Sometimes I wish he'd just kill them."

"Why doesn't he?" Jane asks.

Olivia doesn't answer right away. Jane doesn't push her. "I had a dream about that time that Emily and I took her car to school without you. Right up to the part where I found outside at the crosswalk."

"Yeah," Jane says, more to encourage than to add anything.

"Like on repeat. Right up to the moment when you turned and looked at us. Just a replay of your face…you know?"

Jane is silent for a long time, and Olivia lies on her side and watches the seconds tick by on the bedside clock. Is she remembering their fight?

"Where's he leave them?" Jane asks finally.

"Mall," Olivia answers. "Public park…"

"Mmm."

There is a noise on the other end of the phone like the creaking of a door, and Olivia hears someone say Jane's name. She listens as Jane moves her mouth away from the receiver to talk.

_Yeah…no I'm fine. It's just Liv…Stay. _Olivia raises her eyebrows in surprise.

"You entertaining?" She asks, when Jane comes back on the line.

The younger woman snorts. "No…" A brief hesitation. "I'm at Maura's…we had a rough day. Retired cop turned out to be dirty…put a gun to her head."

Olivia knows of Maura only through the snapshots that Jane provides, but it has not been lost on her that they seem to be spending a lot of time together recently.

"You're staying at Maura's?" she asks now, hoping she doesn't sound too incredulous.

"She was…We were both pretty shaken by it," Jane says, a huge admission that Olivia would not have expected from her over the phone. "I'm just here for moral support."

"Mmm." Olivia's turn to make a non committal sound.

Jane sighs grumpily, which is the other woman's cue to drop it. "Why am I seeing your face?" She asks. "Your pissed off, ten year old face is haunting my dreams, Rizzoli. What am I missing?"

"He's jealous of them," Jane says with a drawn out sigh that means she's stretching.

"Again," Olivia says, shorthand for an explanation.

"He's not old. And he hasn't healed or matured from whatever happened to him. He's seeing the world through this…grey tinted glass, and he's pissed off…and jealous."

And it clicks.

"He's putting them back damaged," Olivia says. "Shit…Jay."

But it is clear that the brunette does not want to explore her insight tonight. "Can you sleep?" she asks briskly. "Do you want to go over leads?"

Olivia shakes her head. "No. Shit. I can't believe I didn't put that together, Jane. Thank you."

She hears covers rustle, and is visited by the sudden certainty that Maura is there _with_Jane in bed.

"New York is making you soft, Liv," Jane mumbles, already heading back to sleep.

"See you soon," Olivia whispers.

Jane murmurs something unintelligible, and Olivia's earlier suspicion is vindicated just before the phone goes dead.

_Hang up, sweetheart_.

Olivia lies back against her headboard, suddenly wide awake.

"Sweetheart," she says to herself.

…

* * *

…

"She's my friend," Olivia says, keeping her voice level. She hates it when people underestimate Jane. "I want to be friends with you, but if you can't get along with her, then…it's not going to work."

Emily's eyes widen the tiniest bit, but that is the only sign that Olivia's words have any effect on her.

"I'm sorry," she says, at least sounding sincere, if she doesn't look it. "It wasn't kind of me."

"No, it wasn't," Olivia agrees. "Jane is like my sister. And she's _good_."

"You're," Emily pauses, clearly trying to find inoffensive words. Olivia waits patiently, wanting to see what she comes up with.

"I'm…" Olivia prompts slowly.

Emily goes a little pink, but she does not back down. "You two are so different."

Olivia raises her eyebrows. "Jane and I?"

Emily presses her lips into a thin line. "Yes," she says hesitantly. "I don't think she likes me. I think she thinks I'm stealing you."

"Can you blame her?" Olivia crosses her arms, and Emily stares at the gesture like it is its own sentence. "I know you two…are so close…but you don't seem to have very much in common." Emily looks like she doesn't have full control of her own words.

Olivia is glad that Jane has stormed off before this part of the conversation. She would be fighting already. "We're more alike the more you get to know us," Olivia says softly, and she is pleased that her implication is not lost on the girl in front of her.

Olivia takes a step closer. "Hey," she says, softer, "You know, Jane'll come around, if you stop excluding her. Stop talking to her like she's a baby."

"She's immature," Emily's face is instantly regretful.

Olivia feels a sharp stab of anger at this girl. She can see her through Jane's eyes for the briefest of moments.

"She's not," she says, hearing her voice drop low and go cold. "You don't know anything about her." A flash of her mother, passed out on her couch surrounded by empty bottles. "Or me," she adds. "You don't know anything about us. We look out for each other. End of story."

And Emily looks sorry, and hurt and…maybe a little bit admiring as she nods her head vigorously.

"You're right," she says. "You're right. I'm sorry."

They stand there in silence for a while, until Emily gathers her nerves enough to speak again.

"But I want to," she says quietly, "know you…both. I really do."

Olivia scrutinizes the girl in front of her. She wants to get to know Emily too. Not just because of her fancy clothes and jewelry, but because she can see something else, something that connects them, deep down, under the surface. Because of the way she calls her mother "the ambassador" and because Olivia has never seen her. Not once in the month that they've been hanging out.

"You can't talk about Jane," she says, wanting to push the point. "You can't talk about her around me, and if you talk about me around her, she'll mess you up."

Emily nods somberly. "Understood," she says quietly. And then, like an afterthought. "I wouldn't talk about you, though."

Olivia ignores this. She has already decided that she's going to trust the girl in front of her. That the next time Jane calls her, the next time it happens, she will take Emily along so that she can see. She has already decided to let her in, the next time she shows up at the door.  
But she is not about to let Emily know that. Not yet.

She has to prove something of herself first. She has to redeem herself.

"Will you remember her tomorrow?" Olivia asks.

Emily looks surprised, and then she looks cautiously optimistic. "Will she accept?" She asks, and there is a kind of tense bravado in her voice. She is not used to backing down. Olivia realizes it has taken a lot from her to admit that she is in the wrong.

Well. No matter. Olivia may look kind and gentle, but she can fight along with the best of them.

"Will. You. Remember. Her?"

Emily's jaw sets. Cowed.

"Yes."

"Okay," Okay says, turning back in the direction of school. "Let's go before lunch break's over."

And Emily falls into step without saying anything.

Olivia doesn't smile at her, it's too soon. But when they get back to the school, and Emily heads in the direction of her locker, tossing a furtive glance over her shoulder, Olivia lifts her chin a bit, saying good-bye.

"Bye Olivia," Emily says.

"Yeah. See ya, Prentiss."

...

...

**Wow guys. Thank you so much for the response. I hope you all continue to enjoy. I've outlined this at about 20 chapters. Really just a big character study with some of my favorite characters. Continue to shoot me questions and comments. PM or otherwise. You can also reach me through my tumblr. Same name. **

**You are all great, and I couldn't be happier that you're on board. **

**happy reading!**

**tc**


	3. I-III: Jane

_"There was gambling at the cross. There were dice at the cross. It says here, 'When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots.' Do any of you know what that means? It means there was craps…at the cross. But Jesus did not partake. Jesus did not give in to sin. _

_"Listen to me now. There was drink at the cross. There was wine and beer and liquor. Gin and Juice…Colt 45s…I'm telling you, there was __drink __at the cross, my friends, but Jesus would not have any of it. He understood that drink cannot fix your soul. Drugs cannot make your troubles go away. Only salvation can take your troubles away." _

_Jane stares up at her priest, wide eyed. On her lap, the baby fidgets, threatening to fuss until she starts to bounce her knees up and down. _

_"How do we get salvation? How do we get saved? How do we become __worthy __of Christ's love and sacrifice? By living every day, every __moment__. In his image. Can you do that? Ladies and gentlemen, I want to ask you today to commit, right here, to commit yourself to Christ. To walking, talking, living, __breathing__, in his image. Can you cast of sin. Cast off the drink and the drugs and the gambling. Turn away from it, the way He did up to the very moment of his death. Remember that sin feels good, and so we want to continue it. It takes away our pain and so we think we need it. But all you need, yes…__you,__ is Jesus. Let us pray." _

_Jane bows her head with the rest of the people in her pew, reaching automatically to tip her middle brother's head towards the floor. _

_Her mind is still full of the sermon when they file out onto the steps twenty minutes later, into the pale April sun. _

_"There're Easter eggs," her mother says cheerfully, pointing towards the Cathedral's front lawn. "Do you want to Easter egg hunt, Janie? Take your brothers."_

_She doesn't want to. The note tucked under the loose slat on the side of her house said that Olivia and Emily would be at Emily's house all day and that she should come straight after church to hang out. 'I put your name in with the doorman,' the note had said in Emily's stiff and unfamiliar hand. 'Just tell him who you are and he'll let you in._

_"Ma, I gotta go to…" she falters here, the lie on the tip of her tongue. She thinks of what the priest said in his sermon. Lying is a sin, isn't it? Shouldn't she be casting it off?_

_"I want to go hang out with my friends," she finishes lamely. "Can't I go hang out with Liv and Emily?"_

_"You spend too much time with those girls," her father growls. He has missed a spot shaving, and the random patch of stubble looks dark against the rest of his pale skin. "Do what your mother says and take your brother to find eggs." _

_Angela deposits the baby into Jane's arms and steps back, reaching into her bag for the yellow disposable camera she's had since Christmas. _

_"Get together, all of you," she says. _

_Jane pulls her middle brother Frankie to her side, out of reach of her father's frustrated hands, and pokes a finger into the baby's stomach making him laugh._

_As they head away from their parents towards the other kids already searching, Frankie takes Jane's hand. _

_"Sorry to haveta find eggs with us 'stead of going a play with you friends." _

_Jane squeezes his little hand. _

_"You're my friend, Frankie. You and Tommy are my friends too. I wanna play with you guys." _

_Her brother's smile might be worth it. _

…

* * *

…

"Rizzoli." Jane tucks the phone under her chin as she fishes in her pocket for her keys. "If you're about to tell me that I have to come back into work, I'm gonna put my boot up your-"

"You know, they have caller ID on most cell phones for a reason."

Jane smiles at the familiar voice, unlocking her door and stepping into her front hall. "Well normally it's only work that calls my _work_ number."

Olivia makes a disbelieving sound."Like you ever answer your landline."

"Hey now, I look at the blinking light every once in a while, to see if it's gone up."

Olivia laughs, but her voice is serious when she asks. "How goes it, Jane?"

Jane sighs, opening her fridge. "If you're calling to ask me if I'm coming tonight, the answer is still yes. I'm not flaking out on our first get together in forever."

"Unless Boston needs you, right, hero?"

Jane rolls her eyes. "What's up? Is it another case? I might need a nap before I hear. I just came off a double, and I'm running on the fumes of fumes."

"Yeah? Nah, there's no case…You catch em?"

"Don't I always?"

"Yeah, 'cause you learned from the best."

"Yeah, Emily taught me very well."

Olivia laughs. "Jerk," she mumbles. "So…you just gonna crash in your apartment, then?"

Jane shuts the fridge with a little thunk, frowning at her kitchen counter. "Uh…yeah, where else would I be crashing?"

She can hear Olivia hesitate, and she leans against the counter, waiting. "I don't know…" Olivia hedges. "Maura's maybe?"

Jane puffs, trying to ignore the bolt of panic that runs through her arms. She manages sarcasm, like always. "Oh my God, really?"

"Really what?"

"This is what you called to talk about?"

Olivia plays dumb. "Is there something to talk about?" she asks casually.

Jane rubs at her head. "Jesus Liv. It's too early."

She can hear Olivia smile. "I'm attacking at your most vulnerable. Sue me. Is she coming tonight?"

"No," Jane says shortly.

"Why not?"

Jane looks around her apartment, hoping that the answer will just appear. "Well," she says slowly, "for starters, Em hates her."

This brings Olivia up short. She sounds uncertain for the first time. "She does not," she says slowly.

Jane scoffs. "She certainly doesn't _like _her," she counters. Olivia sighs.

"She's…Emily. She's protective of you –of both of us – in strong and secretive ways. She…" Olivia trails off.

"What does that have to do with her not liking Maura?"

"She _doesn't _not…She…Look, are you bringing her tonight or what? I think you should."

"No," Jane says again, shutting her eyes.

"Jane-"

"We said family only. Especially after the Casey debacle the last time."

Olivia pauses, and Jane thinks for a moment that she has won. But no, Olivia is just changing angles. "She called you sweetheart," she says quietly.

Jane feels ice cold. "What?"

"Maura called you sweetheart. I heard it."

"When?"

"A couple weeks ago, you fell asleep on the phone and Maura told you to hang up, and she called you sweetheart."

Jane takes a breath. She doesn't remember that. She doesn't remember Maura calling her sweetheart, or the fingers that slid into her hair during her nightmare. She doesn't remember lips on her shoulder, or the way she'd wanted it to go on forever. She doesn't remember the way, when Maura had pulled back, unsure of herself, maybe a little guilty, Jane had pressed back against her, hoping to give some silent form of consent.

No. Jane had been asleep, and so she doesn't remember any of that.

"That's just Maura. She-"

"Wouldn't call anyone sweetheart if there wasn't something there. For _her_ at least. You can't tell me otherwise."

Jane rubs at her brow. Lack of sleep or…something else is making her feel light headed. "I have to go."

"Don't run from this, Jane." Olivia's voice has gotten lower.

"From this conversation? I'm not. I need a shower, and some food that doesn't come out of can."

Olivia can't be distracted. "Don't run from this _woman._ Don't let that bastard in your head. Don't do it."

This isn't happening. "Olivia, Maura is my partner. We solve crimes together. Sometimes I stay at her house. Our schedules line up so we end up doing stuff together. I like her…we're…friends. Okay? Can we drop this now?"

Olivia is silent for a moment. "Yes,"she says finally, neutral.

"Thank you," Jane slumps back against the counter, exhausted.

"I'm sorry."

She's the one who should be sorry."It's fine…I'm…It's fine."

"But, Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"_Barry Frost_ is your partner."

…

* * *

…

_They crack the plastic eggs and they eat what's inside. Gummy worms, Cadbury eggs, peanut m&amp;ms in festive, pastel colors. Tommy gets chocolate in his hair and down the front of his shirt. Frankie gets louder and louder as each Reese's peanut butter egg disappears. Their mother forbids them to go out. It is Easter. They will spend it together as a family, she says. But Frank stumps up to their bedroom with a six pack under his arm, muttering about the graveyard shift he's got coming up, and Angela gets sidetracked by a phone conversation with her church friend about "The Young &amp; the Restless." _

_There is nothing in the fridge to wash their candy down but diet coke and flat mountain dew. _

_It's in the middle of Jane and Frankie's second sword fight (Frankie with the left over wrapping paper roll and Jane with half of a pool noodle "borrowed" from the neighbor's yard) that the earthquake happens. _

_All three of them fall silent as the floor starts to shake. Jane looks down at the wood bouncing rhythmically underneath her, STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. Like the sound of. _

_Like the sound of_

_Workboots._

_"Jane!" Fankie's eyes are wide. Tommy holds his hands up to her, lip quivering. _

_"Don't cry," she hisses, lifting him into her arms, knowing even as she says it that she sounds too harsh, and that Tommy is going to cry. _

_"Please," she begs him. _

_But then their father is on the bottom landing, and the earthquake breaks around them, and it's all Jane can do to keep herself from crying. _

_"SHUT. UP," Frank yells. He is still holding a beer bottle in his left hand, and his eyes are bloodshot, like he's been sleeping. Like he's drunk. _

_Angela appears around the corner of the kitchen, pale faced. "They didn't mean anything by it," she says tentatively. "They were just playing. They're just kids. It's Easter." _

_Jane takes Frankie's hand, slowly backing them up towards the front hall. If they can just get to the front door…_

_But Angela steps towards Frank, hands out to placate him, and Tommy sucks in a deep breath and wails. _

_And that is the last straw. _

_Frankie does not need to be told twice to go to the closet. He doesn't need to be told to reach out and try to comfort his little brother. _

_He doesn't ask where his sister is going, or what the sharp sound of skin on skin is._

_"Stay here," Jane says. "Stay here until Liv gets you." _

_Frankie nods, and Jane turns away from the closet, heart loud and panicked in her ears._

_She allows herself one quick moment of self disgust. _

_She knows this routine as well as any other. It should not scare her anymore. _

…

* * *

…

Maura lets herself in.

Jane hears the click of her heels in the hall, and then the soft jingle of keys as she fits them in the lock, and she can't help but smile. She's been sitting on the couch for the past couple hours, lamenting the distance of the TV remote and wishing she could quiet her brain enough to get a bit more sleep.

The doctor backs into apartment quietly, toeing the front door shut behind her, and Jo Friday jumps from her place next to Jane on the couch with an excited little bark.

"Hush, Jo," Maura says, her back still to the couch. "Jane's sleeping."

Jane's smile widens. "Nah," she says, and Maura jumps even though Jane is whispering. She spins and looks at Jane on the couch, her own smile illuminating her features.

"You're awake!" she says. "I thought that after sixty three hours on duty, you'd be dead to the world by now."

Jane shrugs, sliding over on the couch to make room for Maura, who sets the tray of coffee she's brought on the coffee table before settling herself next to Jane.

"I brought your favorite," she says unnecessarily. Like she would have done anything else.

"Thanks." Jane pulls the afghan up over her knees. "But if you thought I would still be asleep, what are you doing here?"

Maura looks a little nervous. "I…I thought I'd make you brunch," she says finally. "You haven't eaten anything with any nutritional value in over two days."

"Hey, twinkies have nutritional value. And pizza has all the major food groups included. And didn't the FDA just reclassify it as a vegetable?"

Maura fires up at once, turning to face Jane fully, her face a mixture of anger and frustration. "The reasoning behind that change was a purely political, financial, and-" but she catches sight of Jane's face and she shakes her head, chuckling. "Oh. You're winding me up."

"A little," Jane confesses. "And brunch would be great…if I had anything in the apartment that you could turn into something edible."

But Maura jumps up at this, heading back to the front door. "I think I know you a little better than to assume that you have food in your apartment after a three day man hunt." She pulls the front door open to retrieve the canvas bag she's left in the hall. "I brought enough for now and for later, so no Chef Boyardee for at least a week, Jane oh-" She turns back from the hall with the bag, and comes up short. Jane has cross the room and moved behind her. They are face to face now, inches apart.

Jane reaches out and puts her hand on Maura's elbow.

Maura's eyes jump up to her face, searching.

Jane drops Maura's elbow quickly, looking away. "Sorry…I thought you…might need help."

Maura steps around her slowly, heading towards the kitchen, and by the end of her sentence, she sounds perfectly cheerful again.

"I'm a capable human. And I would rather you not be anywhere near a stove on your best day, let alone after only four restless hours of sleep."

Jane leans against the doorframe, watching as Maura begins to unload the groceries, putting everything away in the right spot.

Restless. That's an understatement. Jane had staggered into the crib around 3am on the second day of the manhunt, barely able to keep her eyes open long enough to fall into a bottom bunk. She had been dragged into a nightmare almost immediately, and when she'd sat up in bed, breathing hard, Maura had just been there, like she'd been anticipating Jane's nightmare from the moment she'd headed from her office up to the crib.

"Jane," she'd said, sitting down on the narrow little cot. "It's okay. It's alright."

"I can't find her," Jane had gasped. "I…I can't find you."

"Shh," Maura had said. She'd taken Jane's hand and put it against her heart. "We'll find her. You found me."

And then – suddenly and not suddenly at all – they'd been kissing. And there was no room to pretend to be asleep, and no room to stop and assess what has happening.

"Let me," Maura had murmured, and when Jane had gone to protest, She'd silenced her with a kiss and slid her hands under Jane's tank top. "No," she'd said. "Just now. Just let me, now."

And Jane had.

When she'd awoken, it was the morning, and she was alone under a blanket. And Maura's perfume was all around her.

She'd gone for twenty four bleary, blurry more hours. She'd worked side by side with Maura for much of that time, and the Medical Examiner had not so much as hinted at what had happened.

Now, off work and alone together, she is still acting as though nothing happened.

Maybe nothing happened. Maybe it was a dream.

Could it have been a dream?

"Hey Maura?"

"Do you want blueberries in your pancakes, or chocolate chips? Why am I even ask-"

They've spoken at the same time, and when Maura looks up at her name, Jane can see in her face that it was not a dream. She can see that Maura remembers what happened, probably with more clarity that Jane does.

She can see that the doctor respects her, and wants to be there for her, in any way she can.

She can see that Maura _loves_ her.

Jane pulls a hand through her hair. "I have a thing tonight," she begins.

Maura nods, "Emily and Olivia are in town. I remember."

"Yeah," Jane glances up, and then away, trying to hold onto Olivia's words from earlier. "Yeah," she says again. "Did you…It's totally fine if you've already got plans. But would you want to come with me? Maybe?"

Maura doesn't answer right away, and when Jane looks up at her she can see that the doctor's jaw is working furiously.

She catches Jane's eye and nods emphatically before turning away to stir the batter.

Jane chuckles, moving to collapse on her couch again.

"Wake me by waving one under my nose, okay?"

The last thing she hears is Maura's soft, musical laugh.

…

* * *

…

_"Liv?" _

_"Hey! We're waiting on you! Where are you calling from? Are you almo-what was that?"_

_"Liv, can you hear me?"_

_"Jane? I'm coming. Okay? I'm coming. Hang in there, okay? I'm coming." _

"_I have to hang up now…I have to hang up now." _

_"I'm coming. Don't worry, Jay. I'll be there."_

* * *

_**...**_

_**Hello! Thank you all so much for reading. I started this just to play around with the characters, and I'm awed that you are all enjoying it. I have a long rambling author's note that you can read on my tumblr, regarding this chapter and the next. My tumblr is the same name. It might answer some questions or gripes you have with this fic. **_

_**As always, continue to leave your feedback if the mood strikes you **_

_**yall are the best. **_

_**Happy reading **_

_**tc**_


	4. I-IV: Emily

_**Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it.**_

_**-Ayn Rand**_

…

She should be thinking about an exit strategy. She should be thinking about how to get in touch with her team and relay the information that she has unearthed. She should be seeing to her cuts.

She is a hostage, trapped on a compound with an angry religious zealot and enough C4 to blow them all away with a single match. She should be putting her training and her know how to use, and working to free herself and her partner.

But she doesn't do any of those things.

She lies on the bunk where Cyrus has left her.

And she thinks of Jane.

* * *

…

_They wait, crouched in the little alleyway by the house, although Emily could not say what they are waiting for. She studies Olivia's face, trying to read the situation there. The other girl looks tense and alert, her dark eyes staring at nothing, as though all of her focus is on listening._

_So Emily listens too. She tilts her head slightly to the side, and she listens hard. _

_And then she can hear it._

_The yelling must be coming from deep inside the house, muffled by doors and walls. And they must be really shouting, Emily thinks, because she can still hear them. She can make out some of the words._

_Fucking crying all day and all night….have to get up and work and that god damn….trapped me here with this, Ange…._

"_Olivia?" Emily breathes, but Olivia shakes her head once, and doesn't look at her, and Emily falls silent again._

_They wait for thirteen minutes and fifty four seconds. Emily counts each minute out slowly, the way she has taught herself to do when combating anxiety, picturing each number as letters, writing out in her mind's eye. But as she pictures fifty five for the fourteenth time, the yelling becomes louder and Emily can hear the sound of a baby crying._

"_Move back," Olivia hisses, pulling Emily against the cement of the house, out of sight of the street. "They're coming out."_

_Emily doesn't get a chance to ask how Olivia knows this. She hears the front door of the little house burst open, and the shouting is at its loudest now._

"_Frank! Frank! They're sorry! We're sorry!" the woman yells. Emily shuts her eyes against the desperation in Jane's mother's voice. She has never heard her mother – or any of her friend's mothers – sound so fraught._

_Frank, for his part, does not answer. Emily hears a car door slam, and the revving of an engine. The woman calls Frank's name one more time, plaintively, over the squeal of tires, and then there is silence. Emily starts to move forward, but Olivia continues to hold her back, offering no more explanation than a quick headshake and a finger to her lips. Emily presses back against the wall, and starts to count again but she's only up to four when a shadow passing the alley makes her look around._

_A woman passes by the gap where Olivia and Emily are hiding, and Emily thinks that she must be Jane's mother. There is something familiar around the eyes and the sweep of the shoulders. Mrs. Rizzoli stops in front of the little alleyway only to zip up her coat. Then she continues on, oblivious to the two sets of eyes watching her from the shadows. Olivia watches her go, eyes bright and – Emily will decide later – a bit fierce, and then after an internal count of her own, she starts forward, pulling Emily along in her wake._

_They climb the front porch steps, and Olivia pushes the front door of Jane's house open like she's done it a million times. She does not expect it to be locked, Emily realizes as she follows the brunette into the house, and she does not expect to be met with resistance._

_The house is small, but furnished cozily. The hall is lined with family pictures, and as she follows Olivia down the hallway, Emily realizes that Jane is not an only child. There she is with a little boy and a baby, looking only a couple years younger than she does right now, her face shining with a sort of proud excitement, her arms tilting the infant towards the camera like, "look!"_

_Olivia stops half way down the hallway, in front of a coat closet, and Emily almost walks into her. _

"_What?" she begins, but the girl puts her finger to her lips again, and pulls the closet open slowly._

_Emily just manages to stifle a gasp. There's a little boy sitting on the floor behind the door. He blinks up into the light, and as he focuses on Olivia, the fearful expression he'd had drops off his face._

"_Livvie!" he cries, reaching his arms up._

"_Hi Tommy," She says, picking him up off the floor and standing him on his feet. "You okay?"_

_The boy nods, looking up at Emily shyly. "Hi," he says._

"_Hi," Emily answers, looking to Olivia to see what to do. But Olivia isn't looking at her. She's looking through the doorway towards the interior of the house, and when Emily shifts so she can look over the other girl's shoulder, her eyes widen at the sight._

_Jane is in the living room, kneeling in the middle of the floor. Emily can tell by the way she's positioned that she's hurt. Next to her, is another little boy, older than the one clinging to Olivia now, but still very young. He has his hand on Jane's shoulder, but neither of them is speaking._

"_You can go home," Olivia's voice makes Emily start. She turns to look at the other girl, shocked._

"_What?"_

"_You can go home, if you want," Olivia says quietly. "I won't blame you."_

_This is commonplace. The understanding crashes over Emily all at once. What she has just witnessed: Jane's parents fighting, Olivia waiting it out, possibly even Jane's injuries, all of these things are events that both girls are very used to. Olivia is offering Emily an out. She does not have to stay and watch the rest of this ritual._

"_I don't want to," Emily says, hoping that she sounds decided and trustworthy, rather than unsure and uneasy. Olivia looks at her for a moment longer, and then turns back to Tommy, crouching down so she can look him in the eye._

"_Wait here, okay?" She says softly._

_Tommy nods, and when Olivia stands up, he plops down onto his butt, sticking his thumb into his mouth._

_Olivia approaches Jane slowly, like she would a wounded wild animal. Emily hangs back, watching as the older boy realizes that Olivia is there, and moves back away from his sister._

"_Jane." Olivia's voice is deep and gentle._

_Jane doesn't answer. She shifts to wipe her face with her forearm, and Emily sees a handprint forming on the skin near her elbow. She watches Olivia make a mental note of this, her eyes sweeping Jane's form again, carefully._

"_Jane."_

"_We got too loud," she says, and her voice is raspy and full of unshed tears. "He works the graveyard now. I forgot." She tries to get up, and fails. The pain surprises her, pulling a weak little cry from her chest. Olivia moves closer holding out her hands._

"_Get away," Jane growls. She's embarrassed, Emily realizes. She expected to be able to get up on her own. She is more injured than usual._

_Olivia doesn't move. This seems to make Jane angrier._

"_Go away!" she says, louder now. "Go away! I don't need you here! I don't need you to…check up on me like I'm some kind of baby. I don't!"_

_Olivia tilts her head to the left, just a little. "Jane," she says again. "Come here."_

_And Jane scoots forward and collapses against Olivia's shoulder. "Bastard," Olivia whispers, and Jane's chest heaves, but she doesn't cry. She blinks a couple times, in quick succession, and then her eyes move to look at Emily. They stare at each other, sizing each other up._

_I understand you. Emily thinks. I understand you, and we do not have to be adversaries. I understand._

"_Hey, Jane," Emily says, lifting her hand a little._

_Jane tightens her grip on Olivia, just a little bit. Olivia squeezes back._

"_Hey, Prentiss."_

…

…

"Which one of you is it? Which one of you is the FBI agent?"

"Why do you think one of us is an FBI agent?" Reid makes sure not to look at her when he asks the question, but Emily is watching his profile and she can tell he is scared. They both know that Cyrus is a volatile man who will not think twice about putting a gun to either of their heads. And, like he's heard her assessment and decided to confirm her fears, he lifts the .22 and points it at a spot right between Spencer's eyes. He assumes the man, of course.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Spencer manages. He has never been good with lies.

Cyrus' calm expression doesn't waver. "One of you dies. Who is it?"

Spencer can only shake his head.

Cyrus sighs, like he's been interrogating stubborn children about the breaking of a vase. "God will forgive me for what I must do."

"Me," she speaks without thinking. "It's me."

Spencer's face is nothing but shock, which is good. It will be believable that he doesn't know.

She has to shut down her instinct to fight back when Cyrus grabs her by the hair. She has to fight the urge to call out to Spencer that it's okay. That would be too familiar. It would look suspicious. If only one of them has been found out, let it be her. Her hands fly to the back of her head, trying to lessen some of the pain in her scalp. She gets one last view of her partner. She has to settle for hoping he can read her mind with that big brain of his.

_Hang in there, little brother._

….

….

_They take the little boys to a neighbor's house. Like everything she has witnessed up to this point, this seems to be commonplace. Emily learns the older one's name is Frankie as she helps him into his jacket. He has his sister's wide brown eyes and deep chestnut hair, but he is still baby fat, stocky and durable looking. Emily watches Jane struggling to put on her own coat, but doesn't move to help her, knowing it would make her angrier. Their eyes meet for a second, and Jane freezes, her arm at an awkward angle as she tries to shimmy it through the arm hole. But then Emily looks away without comment, and after a second Jane joins them, double checks her brother and ushers him towards the door._

"_Thanks," she mutters to Emily._

_It's like winning the lottery._

_It's a little chilly and a little late to be out. Jane is limping; her jaw set and determined, her eyes fixed on the pavement. Emily moves so that she is walking beside her, leaving Olivia to take Frankie's hand. Jane glances up and then back at the pavement. Emily lets the silence rest. _

"_I don't want to," come Frankie's plaintive voice. "Mrs. O'Leary smells like cat litter." _

_Jane looks over her shoulder at Frankie, and when Emily glances back too she realizes that Frankie is crying. She hadn't heard it in his voice, but Jane had. _

"_Can you," Jane begins, but Emily is already leaning over to take the handles of the little stroller that holds Tommy. _

"_Go ahead," she says quickly.  
Jane circles back around to be with Frankie, and before Emily can work out the geometry of the narrow little sidewalk, Olivia has sped up to walk beside her, her expression clouded with concern. _

"_Emily," she speaks with the distinct air of someone who is about to press her luck._

"_Olivia." _

"_Can we stay at your house? For the weekend? Jane and me?" _

"_I," Emily says automatically, and then quickly, "Yes. Yes, of course you can, the ambassador probably won't even know you're there, and she wouldn't care even if she did. So yes. Of Course…" Emily casts another look over her shoulder at Jane, who has stopped walking and has bent down to Frankie's level without so much as a wince. "Is she…" _

"_Did you ever love someone so much you'd do anything in the whole world for them?" Olivia cuts her off._

_Emily pulls her lip between her teeth. _

"_No," she says finally, bracing herself for incredulity. "I don't think I have."_

_But Olivia doesn't say anything for a while. She wraps her arms around herself, like she's cold. "I hope you stay here for a long time, Emily Prentiss," Liv says suddenly. "I hope you stay in Boston - with us - for a long, long time." _

_It seems to come out of nowhere, and Emily sputters, trying to find the correct response, but then Jane is drawing level to them, Frankie's hand in her own, and she points at another identical little house. _

"_It's that one," she says, and she leads her brother up to the door, though it must hurt her terribly to climb the stairs. _

….

….

"I can take it."

Emily knows her team is listening. They have to be. The wires they'd put on her and Spencer didn't just turn off because cover was blown. The microphones were inanimate objects designed to do their jobs, even if that included relaying every single sound when religious zealot decided to beat her.

Cyrus might know she's an FBI agent, but he doesn't know about the wire, and her perceived haughtiness enrages him. He shoves her face first into a mirror and it shatters around her. She can't stop her grunt of pain, and when she closes her eyes, she pictures Morgan's face. Her team mate. Her friend.

She can see his face as clearly as if she were standing next to him, a mask of distress as he holds the headphones to his ear, unwilling to put it down despite the way the sound of her beating must be tearing at him.

He is her brother too.

Cyrus kicks her again, and she lets out one hard grunt. She doesn't cry. They will come in if she cries.

She thinks of Jane.

"I can take it."

…

…

_Hey, Frankie, listen okay? Pop is...What Pop does isn't your fault. Don't wipe your nose on your sleeve like that, Ms. O will have a tissue. Lookit. It's not your fault that you're not bigger. What happens to me...has nothing to do with you. It's my choice and I'd do it again. _

_I love you, okay? If you want me to stay with you at Mrs. O's til Ma comes, I will. We all will, won't we?_

_Hey, Frankie, look at me so I know that you hear me. Do you hear me? I'd do it again. I'd do it every time. I love you. _

_Thank you." _

…

…...

"You're thinking pretty hard."

JJ tips Emily's head back and presses the swab to her forehead. She'd managed to get off with an EMT check up and a promise to go to the doctor the moment they touched down in Virginia, although Hotch had looked displeased with the final verdict.

Now JJ is patching her up before the plane. _Media Liaison and mom_, she'd joked, holding up the first aid kit. _Both need to know how to patch a person up. _

"Em?" The gentle fingers along Emily's hairline make her spine tingle. "Are you alright? What's going on in that head?"

Emily looks up into clear blue eyes.

"I…" But what can she say? How can she explain. "Yes," she says, and then she forces her face into neutrality. "It was the best we could have hoped for...right?"

J.J.'s brow creases slightly, but she doesn't call Emily on her avoidance. "Yes," she says gently. She holds out her hand to help Emily up, and when she hisses and nearly stumbles, J.J. loops her arms around her waist and pulls her into something that is half support and half embrace.

"I was so scared," She whispers into Emily's neckline. Their proximity seems to have shaken something loose. "I-I had to put the headphones down, and then I picked them back up because, God, what if you stopped making any noise? That would have been far worse. God, what if…"

But Emily slips her bruised fingers into J.J.'s hair who goes silent and almost limp at the touch.

"Oh God," she breathes.

It's the closest they've ever been. It's the most intimate they've ever been. Emily wants to pull away, but she can't. She doesn't want to.

She wants to.

No, she doesn't.

"I'm here, J.J." She says quietly, feeling how her breath in the other woman's ear makes her shiver. Its the most of the confession she can handle at the moment. They are out of view of the team and anyone else who might see. The open SUV offering some illusion of privacy. How easy it would be to pull back and put her lips to J.J.'s. Hadn't she been dreaming about it for months? J.J. wants it. There is no denying that now. "I'm right here."

"Are you?" J.J. asks in the same breathy whisper. Her hands contract in the small of Emily's back. "You're here?"

Emily nods, not trusting herself to speak.

…

…

_Angela doesn't say anything to Jane. She glances into the living room where the three of them are bent over a scrabble board, Tommy dead weight in her arms, Frankie sleepy eyed at her hip. _

"_Goin home with Ma," he mumbles unnecessarily. Jane gives him a half wave, and he grins at her, sleeping on his feet. _

"_Alright?" Mrs. Rizzoli asks the room at large. _

_Jane doesn't look up at her. _

"_If it's alright, Mrs. Rizzoli, can Jane stay with me and Emily at Emily's house on the hill?" _

'_I' Emily thinks, but she keeps still. _

_Mrs. Rizzoli's eyes are red rimmed, she surveys them silently for a moment, and Jane turns her head away, like she can feel her mother's eyes on her, and is ashamed. _

_The room seems to fill slowly with unsaid sentences. The feeling is so familiar that Emily thinks she might scream in frustration. _

_Do all mothers misjudge their daughters so severely?_

_No...some of them are like Olivia's…_

"_Okay, girls," Mrs. Rizzoli sounds resigned and exhausted. "Okay." _

_Jane's shoulders tense. _

_Later, after Emily has called them a car ("I'll pay, I'll pay, the ambassador won't even notice. Don't worry about it. __Please.__"), when Olivia is helping Jane into the backseat, slowly, slowly, Emily notices that the younger girl is bleeding. A dark line has appeared on her shirt between her shoulderblades, just a thin band of red, like a hash mark. _

"_Jane," Emily begins, but Jane shakes her head abruptly. Maybe she has felt it. Maybe she already knows.  
Emily steps forward and takes her other arm, expecting Jane to pull away from her. _

_She doesn't. _

_In the blissful silence of the car, Jane slumps against Olivia's side, and the older girl takes her hand in her own, kissing her bruised fingers. _

"_I can take it," Jane murmurs. "I can take it." _

_And Emily swallows the protests. She understands suddenly why Olivia had said she wished Emily would stay in Boston for a long time. She understands and her heart feels like it's expanding. _

_She takes Jane's other hand. _

"_You are going to help so many people," she whispers. "You'll see." _

_Jane's eyes fall shut. _

_She smiles. _

…

…

Emily moves to the back of the jet, sitting down across from Spencer, who is pretending to read. She reaches out and lowers his book, waiting for him to look at her before she starts talking.

He has been silent since they boarded the Jet, and had chosen the seat furthest from her when they'd settled.

"Hey," she says, pressing his book away from his face. His wide eyes meet hers. She takes a breath. "I need you to listen to me. What Cyrus did to me is not your fault. It was my decision, and I would do it again. Do you hear me?"

He nods slightly, still looking nervous and shell shocked, but not nearly as frightened as he had before.

She nods too.

"Thank you."

* * *

...

...

**Hi!**

**Okay, basics first. This is clearly an Emily chapter, and the episode refferred to in this chapter is called Minimal Loss. It is season 4. episode 3. It is one of my favorites. Although I took some liberties with Emily and JJ at the end, the rest of the dialogue is pretty true to form. You should check it out if you have the time.  
For those of you who don't know, Emily works for the FBI in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. They travel around the nation taking cases that the local PD can't solve. Usually serial killers, mass abductions, etc. That's why you will see Emily in a lot of different places for her job. Even though she is technically stationed in DC. **

**So...yeah. That's how Emily came to care for Jane. And she's still feeling the effect of that day years later. They will all rub off on each other in some important (or I hope I write them as important) ways. I hope you'll be able to see the connections. **

**Anyway, if you're still reading this. Thank you so much. Zarosguth and Matiky, softgodphase. You guys are really reading. This one, and my other one, your comments are so probing (ew. that word sucks), and interesting to think about, so thank you so much for taking time to write them. Thank you everyone who told me not to worry about the haters. You made said haters much MUCH easier to bear. **

**okay. chapter 5...who's ready for some Alex Cabot?**

**happy reading  
tc**


	5. I-V: Olivia

_"Do you see her? Do you see her yet?" _

_Olivia rolls her eyes, putting her hand on Jane's shoulder to stop her bouncing. _

_"You're just as tall as me," she responds. "If you can't see her, chances are I can't either." _

_Jane stops bouncing with some difficulty, and takes Olivia's hand in her own. Even as she nears her thirteenth birthday, she continues to do things like this. _

_The contact makes Olivia's stomach turn over._

_"Summers in Rome," Jane says, managing to sound both wistful and dismissive at the same time._

_"Summers in Rome," Olivia echoes, and Jane glances at her out the corner of her eye. _

_This is the third summer they have all been friends. The third year coming to an end, and in Olivia's opinion, it is the one in which they have all changed the most. _

_She'd felt it, towards the end of sophomore year. Emily and Jane, even three years younger, had both shot upwards, as though their bodies had heard some secret, whispering song that Olivia's limbs were not yet privy to. Jane had continued to grow all summer, and afternoons of sun and hours of pedaling her bike around Roxbury gave her muscles definition that made Olivia's heart beat speed up whenever she thought about them too much. _

_Now, as Jane stands on tip toes again, scanning each face for Emily's, Olivia has to admit to herself that she'd __liked_ _having Jane to herself for three months. She'd liked being her only confidante, riding bikes down to the corner store and trying to talk Sal into giving them two popsicles for a dollar, hanging around the precinct downtown hoping to get a glimpse of a perp being dragged into the station. _

_She'd liked the feeling she got when her phone rang in the middle of the night, it was Jane, calling her first, because there was no one else in the picture.  
But Olivia does not have any more time to dwell on these thoughts or feelings much longer, because there is Emily, looking older and gorgeous and…sad. And Jane runs forward and throws her arms around her friend's neck with a screech of joy that makes other travelers stop and look around._

_Emily flinches, and although Jane doesn't seem to notice, Olivia certainly does. _

_"We missed you!" Jane is saying as Olivia gets nearer. "My travel team won first in regionals, did you get the pictures I sent?" _

_Emily nods, and smiles at Olivia. _

_"Hey, Liv." _

_"Hey, Prentiss. Good summer?" _

_ Emily's face goes hard. "Uneventful," she says flatly. _

_Olivia is struck by the certainty that this is a lie. The first lie that Emily has ever told her. _

_"Cool," she says, striving for the same casual, unaffected manner. _

_Emily's expression almost cracks. _

_"Ready?" Jane asks. She is oblivious, already heading towards baggage claim, already off and talking again, about her summer, about how ready she is for high school. _

_Olivia links her arm with Emily's as they follow behind. _

_She wonders if any of them are really ready at all. _

…

…

They've arrived at the bar first (Alex's doing of course, not Olivia's) but the ADA balks at the door, concerned.

"The Dirty Robber," she says, eying two uniforms as they step around them to enter.

"Yeah," Olivia responds, excited. "We used to hang out here all the time when we were rookies. Before Emily got picked."

"It's a cop bar." Not a question.

Olivia shrugs. "So?"

"I'm a lawyer," Alex says reasonably, a small smile pulling the corners of her mouth.  
"Not in Boston," Olivia argues. "You don't have jurisdiction here, plus, who's going to know?"

Alex smiles a reserved smile. "When do I not look like a lawyer, Liv?"

Olivia laughs, which makes Alex's shoulders relax. "I'm serious," she says, although her eyes are giving her away. "They will smell lawyer from 100 feet away."

Olivia puts her arm around Alex's waist. This is one of the things that made her fall in love with the blonde in the first place: How little she gives away and how well one has to know her to be able to read her. The ability to do so makes Olivia feel strong.

"Stick with me," she says. "You'll be fine."

Alex's snort is one of affection and pride, Olivia can tell.

They pick a booth towards the back of the bar that will fit six people, and when Olivia waves at the familiar bartender, he waves back with a look that says he think he _should_ know her, but can't quite place her.

"Beer?" She asks Alex.

"Something dark, please."

Olivia's phone buzzes as she heads to the bar and she pulls it out, praying it's not from the precinct, even though there would be nothing she could do if it were.

It's not, it's a message from Jane.

_We're on our way. M got caught in the morgue. 10 minutes. _

Olivia feels relief expand inside her, for several reasons. She doesn't trust herself not to scare Jane off, and so she just slips her phone into her back pocket, and leans against the bar to grab the drinks.

"What?" Alex asks, smiling at her as she returns with a Guinness and a glass of Cabernet. "You look like the cat that got the canary."

Olivia rolls her eyes as she slides into the bar. "I do not," she says. "And if I do, it's because Jane's bringing Maura. She just texted me."

"Ah, the doctor she's always talking about?"

"Yes, the Medical Examiner."

Alex tips her beer towards her, looking at it skeptically over her glasses.

"Emily doesn't care for her," she says after a moment.

Olivia puffs her cheeks out in exasperation. "Why is everyone saying that? She doesn't _not_ like her-"

"You know how I feel about double negatives," Alex interrupts with a wry smile. "If you were going to say that Emily _likes_ her, you would have just said it. Using a double negative is simply hedging around the fact that-"

"She's _protective_," Olivia persists, taking a sip of her wine. "We're all pretty protective of each other."

Alex takes a drink, considering this. "So I passed Emily and Jane's test, then?" She asks finally. "And Jennifer has passed yours?"

Olivia huffs, but answers. "You never had to pass any test, Alex. But yes, both Emily and Jane like you a lot."

"And if they hadn't? That wouldn't have mattered to you in the slightest?" Alex leans forward, fixing her sharp blue eyes on the detective. "You would have told them to, what is it you and Jane say to each other?" she makes air quotes, "get bent?"

Olivia laughs, and is about to respond, when a familiar voice over her shoulder makes her whirl around.

"Who needs to get bent? I'm assuming it's you, Liv, always putting your foot in your mouth."

Emily Prentiss has the shadow of a black eye and the hint of a limp, but she hugs Olivia back hard, wrapping her muscled arms around the detective's waist.

"You made it!" Olivia says when they pull away. "You look like hell!"

Emily laughs and pulls Olivia into a hug again. She's getting better at them.

"And you, you look amazing," Emily says pulling back to study her friend more closely. "Seriously, you look great. You been on leave or something?"

"She's stopped eating takeout four times a week, and she's using my moisturizer when she thinks I'm not looking," Alex says, rising from the table to hug Emily too. "Hello, Agent Prentiss," she says warmly.

Emily shoots Olivia a look over her shoulder that clearly says, _moisturizer?_

Olivia pretends to glare.

"Will you please call me Emily?" she asks, as Alex steps back. "You don't want me to call you Assistant District Attorney-"

"No!" Alex says, with a nervous glance around. "No, Alex is fine, thank you."

Emily nods, her expression serious except for her eyes, which dance with mischief. "Alex it is," she says. "And I'm Emily."

Alex nods, conceding. "It's good to see you, Emily."

"No J.J.? No Henry?" Olivia asks.

Emily glances back towards the entrance. "No, she's here…Henry has the bladder of a pea. I think they detoured the second we got here."

"Come sit," Alex says, moving back towards their booth. "Olivia will get you a drink, won't you honey? Wine for Emily? And what for Jennifer?"

Emily raises her eyebrows high enough that they almost touch her hair line.

"Honey?" She says, looking delighted. "You'll get my drink, _honey?_"

Olivia opens her mouth to respond, but at that moment J.J. appears with Henry, and it is her sweet, teasing tone that answers first.

"Don't tease her. Remember who you brought with you, _Emmy_."

Olivia guffaws as Emily blushes crimson, but neither says anything more.

"Hello, Alex!" J.J. says, letting go of Henry's hand so she can embrace the ADA, who looks a bit caught off guard by the show of affection. "It's good to see you."

"It's, ah, good to see you too," Alex says as Olivia bends down to say hi to Henry.

He smiles bashfully and then allows Emily to lift him up onto her shoulder, burrowing into him as naturally as if she were his own mother.

Olivia meets Emily's eye with raised eyebrows, but doesn't comment, and after a moment, both women follow their partners into the booth. Emily deposits Henry between herself and J.J., and Olivia is struck by how natural they look, and how insular.

She feels Alex watching her, but doesn't look around. They haven't talked about the future, about families or settling down, but sometimes Olivia can feel the topic close by, as if waiting to break into their almost content little lives.

"You both look good. I saw you on the news last week, Ms. Cabot, after the McKinney case? That was quiet a win."

Alex looks pleased. "It was a tight case," she says. "It was just a matter of presenting it so the jury could see all that he'd done."  
Emily smiles appreciatively. "Way to go, counselor." She glances at Olivia. "Heard from Jane?"

Olivia tries to keep her voice light when she answers. "She got caught up in the morgue…They'll be here soon."

Emily's eyes snap back to Olivia's face, narrowing slightly.

"And what, exactly would hold Jane up in the morgue?" she asks, already looking a little sour.

"Jane is bringing Maura!" Olivia says excitedly, directing her statement at J.J. .

J.J. claps her hands together, looking excited, but Emily scowls. "Why?" she asks sourly, shrugging off J.J.'s hand.

"No, seriously," Emily says, her voice rising a little. "Why is she bringing that woman?"

"Hey, hon," J.J. says easily, "Your jealous is showing."

Emily's scowl deepens. "I'm _not_ jealous," she says quickly. "I just don't think that…I…I don't think that Dr. Isles understands Jane."

"Why would you be jealous?" Alexandra Cabot has never been shy. She likes to know all of the facts about everyone and she has no qualms about asking.

"They had a thing," Olivia says, surprised that this statement still kicks up a little flurry of anger in her stomach. She slides closer to Alex in the booth, and sees Emily's face register this movement and file it away.

Damn profiler.

Alex does not hide her surprise. "A romantic thing? Emily and Jane?"

Emily's face does not betray any emotion at all. "It wasn't really a _thing_," she says quietly.

J.J. doesn't look ruffled at all, she presses a piece of cheese to her son's mouth with one hand, the other seeking Emily's on the table. "It was certainly a thing," she says easily. "Though perhaps not in the way you mean it, Olivia."

Olivia swallows back a retort that would be too harsh, and takes another sip of her wine. She can feel Alex's curious eyes on her.

Emily sighs. "A story for another time, maybe," she says. "When we've all had more to drink, and tiny ears aren't soaking up everything we say."

It must be a phrase she uses a lot, because Henry perks up and puts his little hands over his ears with a giggle. "Tiny!" he giggles. "Henry has tiny ears!"

The look on Emily's face when she grins at her girlfriend's son almost eclipses Olivia's previous irritation.

"You've got a black eye," Olivia says to Emily, realizing too late that this topic of conversation might not be any more appropriate than the last.

Emily's fingers move to press at the space below her left eye. "Yeah," she says after a second, and then, seeming to remember who is around her. "But we got them back alive and we got the basta-" she catches herself with a wink at Henry that makes him giggle, "_baddies_ that did it."

And everyone at the table nods understandingly.

"And it will stick?" Alex asks, with a sip of her wine. "Nightmare over?"

It's a language that she and Olivia use that both lightens and acknowledges the weight of their jobs, but Emily and J.J. take the terminology in stride.

"Yes," J.J. says, her voice only slightly strained. "We don't get to stay and make sure. That's one of the difficulties of what we do…but I'm fairly certain it will stick." She looks at Emily, and her expression is something deeper and more painful than love. "Emily saved the day."

Olivia sees Alex's eyes soften the tiniest bit, as though she understands what J.J. isn't saying.

Emily shrugs uncomfortably, and then glances at her watch, doing a double take when she sees the actual time.  
"Where is that idiot?" she asks, glancing over her shoulder towards the door.

Olivia laughs. "She's running on her own clock," she says. "You know she has her own…perception of time."

"And the good doctor can't bring her into the adult world at least?" Emily grumbles.

J.J. laughs. Between her and Alex, it is J.J. who has spent the most time with Jane. "She's probably pulling a Rizzoli somewhere. Stopping an armed robbery on her way. Saving a kitten from a tree…"

"Is that what we're calling it now? Pulling a Rizzoli?" Like she's been summoned simply by their naming of her, Jane has appeared next to their table, looking tall and windswept and exactly the same as the last time Olivia laid eyes on her. She wears work boots over cuffed jeans and a t-shirt and leather jacket.

And behind her, looking drop dead gorgeous, and about as nervous, Dr. Maura Isles.

"You started the party without me," she says, and it could be Olivia's imagination, but she sounds raspier than usual, her voice a half octave lower.

She and Emily scramble from their seats to hug her, neither waiting for a turn, just simply throwing their arms around her together.

Jane laughs as they embrace her, stretching her arms to encircle both of them, and for all her apprehension about the meeting, for all her worry about all of them, together in one booth, Olivia has to admit that this moment feels exactly like home.

...

…

"Look at them," JJ chuckles, tilting her head back to the booth where Jane and Emily are laughing at something. She and Olivia and Alex have gotten up to replenish their drinks.

"I know," Olivia smiles, signaling to the bartender. "They could be sisters.

"We could be two sets of sisters," Alex puts in matter of factly. "Just two sets of sisters come together for a drink."

There is a silence, and Olivia sees that J.J. is mulling this over as well. "You three do seem to have a type," she says finally, and Olivia realizes that she could be either joking or completely serious. She will bend to whichever mood the detective wishes to indulge.  
What a perfect match for Emily.

"I think," she says carefully, "that the more important thing to notice is that we've all stayed within our fields."

Alex blinks, opening her mouth to protest, and Olivia laughs, cutting her off before she can say anything, already knowing what's coming.

"I mean we've chosen people we work with, Lex. We've all chosen people that understand what we do. There's no need to tell us how much more schooling you've had then us." She puts on her sweetest smile to round the edges of her words, and the wry smile that tugs at Alex's lips tells her she's been successful…mostly.

J.J. laughs, but sobers quickly, and Olivia looks around in time to see Emily, the tail end of her jab still written on her face.

Dr. Isles seems to shrink back into herself. She looks away from the two brunettes, but not because she is looking for anyone to save her. She does not expect help.

"We'd better get back over there," Olivia says, though she doesn't move immediately.

J.J. sighs, the end of the lamentation coming out as Emily's name, a little sad and mostly affectionate.

"They had a romantic thing?" Alex asks again.

Olivia frowns, watching as Emily says something that makes the Medical Examiner blush. Jane's hand twitches, like she would put it on the doctor's arm, but she can't quite follow through.

"Honestly," J.J. says, having seen it too, "I can't leave her alone for three seconds. Will you-" she gestures to the bartender who is still mixing her drink, and when Emily nods, she strides back to the table quickly, slipping in beside her wife and putting a hand on the profiler's wrist.

"So," Alex says, eyes still on the booth. "Jane had a thing for Emily? But you had a thing for-" but her eyes move to Olivia's face, and something there stops her sentence. "Ah," she says quietly.

They watch together as J.J. says something that makes Maura perk up.

"Media liaison," Olivia says, and Alex makes a noise of agreement.

"So are you going to tell me why Emily is not fond of Dr. Isles?"

For a moment, Olivia thinks she can hear sirens.

"Liv?"

Olivia shakes her head.

"No? You're not going to tell me?" Alex sounds surprised and a little irritated.

"No," Olivia says, and then, seeing Alex's expression slide towards outrage, she shakes her head again. "_No_ I mean, I'll tell you, just…It's too long to tell right now. It's too…"

The attorney waits for a moment before speaking, a holdover from the courtroom, where sometimes it's better to let a witness sit in silence.

"Does it have to do with Jane's feelings for Emily?"

"Jane doesn't have feelings for Emily anymore," Olivia says quietly, and she gestures with her chin so that Alex looks over at the booth again.

Whatever J.J. has said has sparked conversation in Dr. Isles. She is leaning forward towards the Media Liaison, face alive with something akin to excitement, hands moving along with her story.

Jane is watching her with open admiration and affection, seemingly unaware of anyone else.

Alex inhales, eyebrows arching. "Ah," she says again.

"We're complicated," Olivia says, reaching for J.J.s refilled glass as the bartender sets it down.

Alex laughs, and she puts her hand on Olivia's waist, just lightly, before pulling away to grab her own drink.

"And here I was thinking it was only you."

…

…

_Olivia fumbles with the flashlight, feeling the smooth plastic sides for the switch. _

_Next to her, Jane elbows her hard in the ribs. "Hurry up!"_

_A bit further into the darkness, Olivia hears Emily laugh. "Is poor wittle Janie scared of the dark?" she teases. _

_"Shut it," Jane grumbles. "I'm not either." _

_But Olivia finally finds the switch on the side of the flashlight and the little tent is illuminated. She sees Jane's shoulders relax. _

_She hasn't said anything specific about her trip, but Olivia has noticed an edge to her sarcasm that wasn't there before. A hollowness to her eyes that did not used to show. _

_"I missed you guys," she says, her voice almost breaking with her conviction. "I missed you guys." _

_Jane puts a bracing hand on Emily's upper arm, and Olivia can tell that their friend's new demeanor has not been lost on Jane._

_"We missed you too," Jane says, and Olivia finds herself nodding. _

_It is true. It feels truer every day Emily spends with them. Whatever Olivia might be feeling towards Jane, their group is not complete without her. _

_"Let's do it," Jane says, and she scoots closer so that each of her knees touch the knee of the girl on either side. "Before we can think about it and it seems stupid." _

_And isn't that totally, entirely Jane. _

_Emily pulls the little red Swiss army knife from the pocket of her jeans. It was her idea, and so it was her responsibility to bring the necessary tools. _

_But she hands the little blade to Olivia, and then turns her palm upward, hand unshaking. _

_"Ready," she says, her voice devoid of emotion. _

_Olivia wants to ask what happened to her this summer. Even in the dim glow of the flashlight, Olivia can see Emily's eyeliner a little heavier, a little darker than it was when she left. _

_She is about to ask, her courage finally reaching its peak after three days of wondering, but then Jane sticks her own hand out, jaw set and determined. _

_"Me too," she says. _

_Olivia takes a breath and snaps the little blade out and into place. Both the other girls seem to be looking to her to say something about what they are about to do. _

_"A pact," she says, and because it seems to be the chivalrous thing to do, she presses the sharpened end of the blade into her own palm first, taking care to keep her face as neutral as possible. "That we'll always be there for each other. No matter where we go after high school, or on the summer. No matter how many days we go without talking to each other…no matter who we…fall in love with." _

_Jane makes a face and Emily smiles faintly, looking a little pained. _

_"No matter what," Olivia repeats. "It's a promise." _

_"It's a promise," Jane says fiercely. _

_Emily looks around at them, and maybe those are tears in her eyes. _

_Maybe it's just a trick of the light. Olivia can't be sure. _

_"It's a promise."_

_..._

* * *

**...**

**Thank you guys for all your wonderful reviews. I hope that from now on, these chapters are going to be a little less confusing. There should be one timeline, interspersed with flashbacks. Occasionally there might be one full chapter dedicated to one section of past or one aspect of the present, but less dueling presents….sound good? So, luckypenguinbuddy, matiky and others who expressed confusion, that should lessen now…**

**There was someone who asked about the rotating of perspectives. That will continue…Emily, Olivia, Jane. I mapped it out, and even though it's challenging sometimes, it works really well other times…at least for the next 6 chapters. J**

**Also thank you for sticking with me through this little hiatus. Had some struggles that took me away. But those of you who left encouragement played a huge role in keeping my head above water. Thank you to those who have stuck around all this time. I cannot express the depth of my gratitude. **

**Okay…so let's find out why Emily doesn't like Maura, shall we?**

**happy reading,**

**tc**


	6. I-VI: Jane

Even now, when Jane looks back, she thinks that the days she got to spend with Olivia and Emily were the best of her life. The grey backdrop of home didn't disappear, but it did fade in their presence. She found that life could be easy, maybe even enjoyable.

The year after seventh grade, Emily pays for her to pay summer softball. Both she and Olivia would be going into high school, leaving Jane behind, and the summer softball seems to be both a gift and an apology. Jane didn't acknowledge the gift, she couldn't bring herself to. But she sent Emily long, detailed messages after every game, and she made sure she was always on time and played her hardest. She hope that Emily saw the thank you that Jane couldn't bring herself to say in every picture and paragraph. Knowing Emily the way she did, she suspected the older girl understood. She seemed to know everything, even the things about Jane she wanted to keep hidden. She understood everything.

.

"You're nervous." Maura's hand moves from her lap to hover above Jane's knee for a brief moment, as though she wants to comfort, but isn't sure how. The gesture makes Jane want to tell the truth.

"Yeah," she says quickly. "I am. I know I shouldn't be."

Maura makes a little hum that Jane can't read. "You told me what happened when you brought Casey to your last meet up," she says quietly.

This reminder does nothing to calm Jane's nerves. "That's different," she says, aware that there's a bite to her voice.

"You're different."

Silence falls between them, and Jane listens to the hum of the car, wondering if she's said the last part out loud or simply in her head. Casey had been a fiasco. Maybe this is a bad idea. She can't even _begin_ to talk to Maura about…whatever is happening between them. Why did she think it was a good idea to bring-

"You don't have to introduce me as anything other than your colleague." Maura interrupts her thoughts for the second time during the car ride. "I'm…honored that you would bring me along at all, Jane, and I-" she pauses, clearly choosing her words carefully. "I don't need anything more."

Jane wishes she weren't driving. She wants to close her eyes.

"You are more," She says, trying to sound confident. "You're more than that, Maura."

She knows she's said this, instead of just thinking it, and after a moment, she feels Maura's hand close hesitantly over her knee. The pressure is light, but undeniably there.

…..

…..

_Jane pushes up onto the balls of her feet, trying to contain some of her nervous energy. "I know," she says breathily. "I know. That's why better now, right?" _

_Emily doesn't answer, and she keeps her eyes downcast, even though they can almost look each other in the eye now a days. Jane tries not to take this as a bad sign. She tries not to be discouraged.  
"I just…I've been thinking about what you said. I mean, I always think about the things you say, but-"_

"_Don't." Emily looks up briefly, and then away again, but Jane is trying to keep her own nerves at bay, and so she doesn't register the look on the older girl's face. _

"_What?" she asks, nearly impatient. "Em, listen, I'm trying to tell you something about how I feel." _

"_I __know__ how you feel!" Emily nearly yells, and Jane jumps, caught off guard. "I know how you feel, Jane. And I can't…" she looks up into Jane's face, and her eyes soften just the littlest bit._

"_A lot of things are going to change…We all have big changes coming this fall and our lives are going to change a ton. We don't-"_

"_I __know__," Jane interrupts, trying to stay calm. "I know things are going to change. You guys are going to a new school, and I know I can't see the future. But I love you, Emily. I can't pretend I don't know anymore. You're the one who's always telling me I'm good enough just how I am. Well this is how I am. I __love__ you." Her heart is pounding out of her chest as she finishes, but she's proud of her little speech. She's proud of herself for coming here and saying this. And her pride turns to elation when Emily steps forward and kisses her. _

_She has been picturing the moment for weeks and weeks, but the reality is better. So, so much better. Emily pulls away after a moment, and Jane laughs, half out of relief and half out of excitement. Everything starts right now. Forget what her father says. Forget her whole entire family. _

_All that matters is this. Here._

_Emily stays silent as Jane composes herself. "Sorry, I don't know what to say." Jane feels light. Everything looks sunny. "I'd only planned up to that speech. I don't know where to go from here." _

_Emily swallows. "Nowhere," she says, so quietly that Jane almost doesn't hear her. _

"_What?" _

_Emily looks up at her, and Jane can see she's barely holding herself together. "I-I don't want it to go anywhere from here, Jane." _

_Jane stares at her. The great balloon of happiness in her chest deflates just a little bit. "Huh?" _

"_I don't want…" It seems Emily can't get any further than this. _

"_You kissed me." _

_Emily shakes her head. "I shouldn't have." And then, as though she's angry, "I asked you not to say those things. I asked you not to say it. I __asked__." _

_Jane clenches her fist, trying to catch up. Trying not to cry. She doesn't want to look like a baby. Not now. _

"_I do love you," Jane mutters. _

_Emily bites her lip. "I love you too, Jay. But I can't-"_

_But Jane's heart leaps. She understands now. "Oh!" she says, and Emily looks at her, surprised. "Oh, don't be scared, Em! You don't have to be scared. We-"_

"_I'm not in love with you, Jane." Emily overpowers her for the first time, though she looks like she instantly regrets her loss of temper. The way she says Jane's name…_

"_You're not?" _

_Emily closes her eyes for a full three seconds. When she opens them, she looks resolute. "No," she says firmly. "I'm not." _

"_You kissed me." She doesn't want to say it again, but the feeling is still there, lingering on her lips. _

"_I'm sorry," the tremor is back in Emily's voice. "I'm so – No! Jane!" _

_Emily grabs at her as she goes to run. She is speaking, but the words are settling slowly, distorted. _

_So sorry. _

_You're so special. _

_It's not because of anything-_

_But Jane wrenches her arm out of Emily's grip and jumps down her front steps. She sprints away, unable to hear anything once she's started running. _

…

…

It goes okay. It goes really well, right up until they start talking about their cases. Emily and Olivia look great. They look the same, and they look different. Jane doesn't think she's ever been happier to see anyone. She can feel Olivia looking her over as they speak, feel her eyes linger on the lack of distance between her and Maura as they slide into the booth. When Maura speaks up with the statistic about kidnapping that leads them into case talk, Olivia's eyes don't leave Jane's face.

"You do it day in and day out," Jane says to her after a moment, hoping to take the pressure off of Maura and herself. "You had that case a month ago where the bastard buried the kid when you got close, remember?"

Olivia is half successful in suppressing a shudder. "Yes," she says, half smiling as Alex's hand closes over her own. "We both do, I dug that little girl up in my date night shoes!"

Jane shakes her head. "I don't know how you do it," she says again. "We had that manhunt for that girl that just ended yesterday…I was a complete mess."

"Untrue," Maura cuts in, and everyone around the table turns to look at her. She smiles at Jane reassuringly before look around at them all. "Jane was competent and dedicated throughout the entire investigation, even when it seemed that hope was lost."

Emily smirks, and Jane feels a blush creep up though he hairline.

"Was she now?" Emily asks.

"Em," J.J. her voice warning.

"Yes," Maura says earnestly. "She was amazing with the victim's younger sibling. He was the only witness to the abduction, and she got him to realize a vital piece of information that ultimately solved the case."

Olivia and J.J. both look completely charmed. Alex looks politely disinterested.  
Emily looks downright pissy.

Jane feels irritation prickle the back of her neck.

"It's not a big deal," she says harshly, feeling Maura tense next to her at her tone. "I was just doing my job."

"We all just do our job, hero" Olivia says lightly, and Jane lets herself chuckle along with J.J. and Alex at her old nickname. She lets herself ignore the way Emily's fingers curl every so slightly.

"Still," she says. "Kids, every day. Always fucking hurt…sorry, Maura."

Maura makes an "it doesn't matter" motion with her wine free hand, and Jane wants to take it in her own and hold onto it the way Olivia does with Alex every so often.

She slides her hands around her beer instead, holding tight.

"You work every case with Jane?" Emily's voice is just a little bit too loud.

Maura sits back a little. "Most of them," she nods, "I oversee several other M.E.s on the floor, and occasionally we rotate but-"

"But you and Jane work the best?" Emily asks harshly.

"What about when she gets hurt?"

Jane sees Maura pale out of the corner of her eyes.

"Em," she growls, but Emily waves her away like she's an insolent child.

"What about when she gets really, really injured, Dr. Isles. What about when you have to see her bleeding and unconscious."

"Emily," J.J. puts her hand on her wife's shoulder, pulling at her. "Stop-"

"No," Emily says shortly. "We know why Jane brought her here. Why dance around it anymore? You've seen me code, Jen. Olivia has seen Alex shot, and Alex was there when Liv was almost raped and murdered in the basement of Comstock…what about you Dr. Isles. Do you really think you're strong enough to watch Jane die? To feel her pulse stop underneath your fingertips?"

"Enough!" Jane says loudly, but Maura is already pulling herself out of the booth. "Maura!" Jane struggles to follow, but the doctor shakes her head.  
"I'm fine," she says, although she sounds anything but. "I need…some air." She looks as pale as snow. Jane keeps trying to stand.  
"Let me go with you," she says, calling now, because Maura is moving away. "Maur,"

"No, Jane, stay with your friends. I'll…I just need…I'll be right back."

Jane stands, watching Maura disappear around the corner and then she turns back to the booth, hoping she looks at least half as angry as J.J."

"What the fucking hell, Emily?"

…

…

_Her adrenaline is waning when she reaches her front porch. She'd run the full three and a half miles back to her house, and her breath is coming so loud in her ears that it's all that she can hear. _

_No. That's not true. She can hear Emily's voice in her head as well, just the same sentence over and over. I'm not in love with you. I'm not in love with you. I'm not. _

_For a moment, she stands at the base of her front steps, staring up at her house. Olivia and Emily are leaving for college in 62 days, the calendar in her room has become a doomsday count down. _

_Why is she the one that is always left behind? Why is she the one always running? _

_There is no anger left inside of her. All of her fury is melting into shame and embarrassment. What had she been thinking? How could she possibly have thought putting herself out there like that would be a good idea?_

_She uses what's left of her energy and pulls herself up the stairs, throwing the door to her front house open. _

_She comes face to face with her brothers, both tearstained and scared looking. Frankie has a black eye, already purpling around the edge of his cheekbone. _

_Jane stares at them, at the fear written all over their faces, at the anger becoming evident in Tommy's features. _

_Down the hall, her father rounds the corner, belt in one hand, beer in the other, and he makes eye contact with Jane. _

_For a moment, they stare at each other, and Frank Senior looks like he's waiting for his eldest to take her brothers and turn tail. He looks tired and old and confident in his domination of his family. _

_But Jane reaches out and cups Frankie's injured cheek for a moment, and then she steps around her brothers, into the front hall. She squares up to her father, and she lowers her chin. _

_She is done running. _

…

…

Jane glares at Emily, noticing with some satisfaction that the other woman at least looks a little ashamed.

"What the hell was that?" she snarls. "What did you have to do that for?"

Emily looks for a moment like she's at a loss, but then she recovers. Of course she does. "You didn't care when I chewed Casey out," she says, and her voice has lost all of it's previous heat. She is back in control. "I'll give the doctor this, she took much longer to cry."

This makes Jane angrier, but she manages not to take the bait. Just barely. "This isn't about fucking Casey, Emily. What is your problem with Maura? What has she ever done to you?"

Emily shakes her head. "I don't have a problem with the doctor."

J.J. Snorts at this, and Olivia and Alex exchange a significant look.

"Em," Olivia begins.

Emily throws up her hands, then she leans forward to point at Jane. "She's who you want, Jane? Doctor Maura Isles? With about as much social aptitude as that tortoise that she won't shut up about?"

Jane clenches her fist. "She has never wanted to hit Emily Prentiss before.

"Look who's talking," she spits, and the way that Emily immediately shuts down the shock and hurt that this retort causes only serves to prove Jane's point. "I like her," Jane says, putting her palms flat on the table to stop them from aching. If she holds them too tightly for too long, they start to hurt. "I like her, Emily. And she…I…" Now is the time to say it. Now, in front of the only people who have never judged her. In front of her two best friends and their wives.

But her throat gets dry, and her eyes start to burn, so she looks away.

Olivia reaches for her hand, understanding, but Jane pulls back. She shakes her head. She is not a child anymore, and her father cannot control her. He hasn't been able to in over a decade.

Emily sighs heavily, and then begins to slide from the booth.

"Where are you going?" Jane asks her suspiciously.

"To fix it."

Jane moves to follow, but Emily shakes her head. "No, stay here. We'll be back in in a couple." She glances at Jane and laughs when she sees her narrowed eyes. "Don't worry, hero. There's just a couple things I have to say to the doctor. It's going to be okay."

Jane watches her go, and then turns back to the table, where everyone is studiously looking somewhere other than her.

"Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

She watches Olivia and J.J. have an entire conversation without speaking, then Olivia sucks in a breath and gestures that Jane should sit down.

"Sit, Jane," she says firmly. "Let's talk."

* * *

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**tc**


	7. I-VII: Emily

_JJ drives her home. She is too tired to protest, and JJ has on the face that says she isn't going to take no for an answer anyway. So they leave Emily's big, luxury SUV in the garage and JJ drives them through DC in her sporty little Audi. The passenger seat is too far forward, but Emily doesn't fix it, just hugs her knees and leans her head forward, trying to get the images of the day out of her head. _

_JJ doesn't speak until they're pulling into the underground parking lot below Emily's building. _

"_I don't have a sticker," she says softly, apologetically, as they pull up to the little security kiosk. _

_Emily lifts her head, feeling like it weighs one hundred pounds. _

"_Hey, Joe," she says to the guard who pokes his head out the window. _

"_Hey!" Joe says, surprised, "Emily Prentiss! Look at this hot little number!" _

_Emily blinks, thinking for a moment that he means JJ, realizing too late that he's talking about her car._

_The silence is a beat too long for her to laugh, and too short for her to brush the comment off, but she does it anyway. _

_Joe's smile flickers a bit, his face softening into sympathy. "You need a visitor's pass, Emily?" _

_She shakes her head. "Just gonna put it in my spot, Joe, okay?" _

_Joe nods, leaning back. "Course it's okay. You all have a good night." _

_JJ eases the car forward, and Emily doesn't have to tell her where her parking spot is. She's been there enough times to know. _

_She pulls into the vacant spot and turns off the ignition. Emily doesn't move. Even the thought of dragging herself to the elevator seems too impossible to comprehend. _

_She can't get the picture of the aunt –what had her name been? Susan- out of her head._

"_Emily," JJ's voice barely penetrates, but the hand on her knee makes her turn to look at the blonde sitting next to her. "Emily," she says softly. "We found her. She's alive." _

…

…

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," The doctor wipes her face quickly, and turns back towards the door. "I'm sorry to have run off like-" but she pulls up short when she sees that it is Emily who's followed her out instead of Jane. For a moment they just look at each other. Dr. Isles doesn't look scared. She looks drawn, maybe a little resigned, but she doesn't look scared.

"I told her I'd come check on you."

Maura looks skeptical, which is irritating. "Are you leaving?"

Maura nods slowly. "I've called a cab. The prospect of returning to a table of people who don't want my company is not an enticing one."

"They want you there," Emily concedes. "I was out of line."

Maura considers this. "You were…being protective."

"Yes."

"Of Jane."

Emily sets her jaw. "Yes," she says.

"So. You think I'm ill-suited for Jane," Maura says slowly.

"Ill-suited in what way?" Emily counters, eyes narrowing. She is ready for this fight. "As her colleague? As the Medical Examiner overseeing her cases? Is that what you mean, Dr. Isles?"

She expects to see the other woman flush, to drop her eyes, or maybe even step away. But she doesn't. She studies Emily's face with the kind of practiced impartiality that only comes from years of galas and fundraisers, from being told to hush…and smile.

"You also think I'm a coward." An observation, not a question.

"I think you can't handle Jane. That does not necessarily make you a coward."

This comment makes the doctor's body language change. She straightens, and her hands twitch by her side. Anger, tightly controlled.  
They are so alike. It makes cold, visceral hatred flare up inside of Emily.

"Jane is not a thing to be handled," the doctor says icily. "One does not _handle_ people."

"You don't know anything about her," Emily snarls. She hates that this woman can remain calm when Emily can feel herself unraveling. This is a hugely childish thing to say, but she can't stop herself.

Dr. Isles purses her lips. "With all due respect, Agent Prentiss, _you_ don't know anything about _me_. You don't know anything about the nature of my relationship with-"

"Have you told her that you love her yet?"

This interruption finally gets the desired reaction. The doctor falls silent, eyes wide. Emily knows that she has the upper hand.

"Sorry," she says, not sorry at all, "What I mean is, when are you going to tell conscious, fully awake Jane, that you're in love with her?"

Dr. Isles looks like she's going to fall over. Emily loves it. "I don't-" She begins, but Emily cuts her off again, her timing perfect.

"I heard you. I heard you telling her you loved her after Hoyt. I _heard_ you after she put that bullet through her stomach. 'Jane, don't leave me, I'm so in love with you. I couldn't function without you here with-"

"Stop it," the doctor's voice is barely audible.

"Then she wakes up. She comes back to you the way you've _begged _her to. And what do you do? Nothing. You don't do anything. She drags herself back from the dead, time and time again, and you smile, and squeeze her hand, and you say _nothing._"

Emily doesn't think she is mistaken that Dr. Isles is on the verge of tears. "That's not fair," Maura whispers.

"Oh, I agree!" Emily says, not bothering to fight the way her voice rises. "It's not fair at all. She deserves so much more. She deserves someone who-"

"Isn't like you?"

Emily stares, trying to recover. Dr. Isles does not even seem to notice Emily's speechlessness. She looks down at her hands, seemingly ashamed.

"I know a lot about you. Jane talks about you and Olivia all the time. You're as much family to her as her brothers are," she pauses, but doesn't lift her eyes to meet Emily's. "We are the children of wealthy, ambitious, neglectful parents. Jane used to tell me all the time, 'you should talk to Emily.' Or, 'one of my best friends, Emily, she was alone a lot like you. You should connect sometime.'" Maura waits until Emily is looking directly into her eyes.

"But we don't talk, do we?" she asks. "That's not the way we've been trained. We don't talk about our feelings…to anyone."

…

…

"_Talk to me." Emily feels JJ sit down on the couch next to her. She sits _

"_Children aren't pawns," Emily says through gritted teeth. She is beginning to regret letting JJ drive her home, letting her into her apartment. She's been in DC for nine months, on the team for just over six. It is not the time to let any of them see her break down, especially not this woman, with her gentle blue eyes. _

"_Children aren't pawns," JJ repeats softly. "You're right." She puts her hand on Emily's upper arm. JJ, apart from the others, has made an effort to make Emily feel included. She has invited her to girl's nights with their technical analyst, Penelope. She is kind, and smart, and beautiful. _

_And dangerous. _

_JJ must be able to feel a shift in the air, because she removes her hand. "I'm sorry," she says, and then like she wants to be clear that she is apologizing for the action, but not for the feeling that inspired it. "You don't do touching. I'm sorry. But you don't have to keep all of your emotions so close to your chest." She waits for a moment, but Emily doesn't answer. She doesn't trust her voice. JJ sighs. "We're like a family, Emily," she says quietly. "You'll come to see that you can trust us all."_

_She pauses again, maybe weighing her options or gathering her courage, then she leans forward and puts her forehead against the side of Emily's face. It is the most intimate anyone has been with her in years, and it causes a rush of heat all through her body.  
"You can trust me," JJ says. And then she's standing. She's telling Emily to get rest. She saying she'll be back in the morning, with coffee. She's at the door. _

"_Bye, Emily. Rest okay? I mean it." _

_Emily nods numbly. "I take my coffee with-"_

"_Sugar, no cream," JJ says with a smile. "I know." _

….

….

"Well, we're talking now. There isn't much of a choice. So tell me, Agent Prentiss, what are you so afraid of?" Maura's voice breaks through her memory like an icepick. "I can see how much you care about JJ, how much you love her and her son."

"Don't you dare bring JJ into-"

"So you're not jealous of our relationship," the doctor continues as if Emily hasn't spoken. "So what is it? Why are you so dead set against Jane finding what you have found? What Olivia appears to have found. What is it about _me_ that displeases you?"

Emily doesn't answer immediately. She doesn't know how to articulate everything she wants to say.

Jane and Olivia are her sisters. Her kid sisters. How kind they are, how passionate. They followed her into this job and they are getting hurt. Olivia's heart still so new and trying. Jane so fierce and protective; still so soft when all she wants is to be tough, like Emily.

How much weight she feels. How much responsibility. And underneath all of that, how much guilty pride at the knowledge that she, of the three of them, is the strongest. She, alone, must help to guide them.

"You'll abandon her," she says finally.

"I would _never_," Maura says fiercely.

"She kissed you?"

A pause.

"I…yes. We've…yes."

"And then what?"  
"I don't see how it's any of your busi-"

"And then nothing. Nothing. She doesn't bring it up and you don't bring it up, and she spends all this time in agony wondering-"

"Agony!?"

"Yes! Agony. You think she's not torn up about having feelings for you. About whether or not you're going to-"

"and you think _I _can afford to lose her?" Maura sounds furious for the first time, and Emily blinks, brought up short. "You think that I can afford to push her into something she's not ready for and risk losing even a friendship with the woman I cherish above everything else?" Maura takes a deep breath, but Emily can tell it is only to forestall her angry tears. She has much more to say.

"I know how you grew up. Our childhoods were very much the same. But don't think for one moment that makes us the same. Or that it makes me unworthy of Jane."

Emily wipes at her forehead and finds – to her utter embarrassment – that she is sweating. "You can't just-"

"You flew back from London when her father found her with that girl, didn't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"When her father walked in on her with her fellow trainee? You flew back to see her. To support her. Am I correct?"

Emily has misjudged. She feels as though she's walked into an interrogation with the wrong profile. "I don't see what that has to do with-"

"Seeing her, after what he did to her. Knowing what filth he fed her for all of her childhood. Knowing that she…that she thought he was the _sun," _Maura gives herself a beat to compose herself. "I _know_ you know all of that. What you're accusing me of. What you're accusing me of _not _doing…it would tear us apart. I can't do that. I can't." She turns away from Emily for the first time, though it seems she does this more out of disdain than out of a need to regain her self-control.

Emily shuts her eyes, trying to think.

…

…

"_I'm a liar," Emily hears herself say it just as JJ's hands close over her own, freezing in the weather. _

"_No. You're not," JJ whispers leaning in so that her breath is against Emily's collarbone. "You're not, Em. You're…You're bleeding!" _

"_I wanted to walk by myself, JJ." _

_JJ isn't listening. She presses at Emily's shoulders, forcing her to sit on the front step of a darkened brownstone. "Tip your head back, like that. God, Em, have you been eating enough?" _

"_I want to be alone, JJ." _

_JJ's hand tightens on her shoulder. "Tough shit," she says quietly. "You have a nosebleed, you're a little disoriented, you're pale as death." _

"_I'm fine." _

"_You're not."  
"JJ," _

"_Em, you just stated that you're a liar. You can't be a liar __and__ be fine. Pick one." _

_Emily shrugs out of JJ's grasp so that she can run her hands through her hair. "I'm a liar."_

_JJ waits a beat, and then sits down on the stoop next to Emily so that their knees are touching. "So then, you're not okay." _

_Emily doesn't know what to say. She has spilled one of her secrets to Rossi already, and more are threatening to break free inside the warmth of JJ's comforting presence._

"_Emmy," JJ whispers it so softly that Emily could pretend she hasn't heard. She takes Emily's hands in her own, pulling them to her chest. "I don't want to watch you keep doing this to yourself. I want to help you. I…After the explosion at the commune…" _

"_No one calls me Emmy." _

_JJ doesn't waver. "I do." _

"_I'm a liar, JJ. It's what I do. I lie and I destroy things and then I move on. I'm good at my job because…because I'm just like the sociopaths that we hunt. I-"_

"_Do you know the first moment I fell in love with you?" She states it boldly, over Emily's declaration, and the brunette can't help but stop talking. "You remember the little girl that went missing in the mall? Her aunt abducted her because the uncle was-"_

"_I remember. I'll see that woman for the rest of my life." _

_JJ nods, she brings Emily's hands up to her mouth to blow warmth on them. The action is affectionately absentminded. It is like JJ has been doing it forever. _

_And now that Emily comes to think of it, hasn't JJ been a constant source of comfort? A reassuring hand on her arm, an extra cup of coffee when she needed it._

"_You walked towards me and Morgan, you knew that the aunt had done it. You told me you had to question her. That it was going to get dicey." _

_What Emily remembers about that night is the drive through the city that night in JJ's car. How the blonde had put her hand on Emily's knee and said "Almost, Emmy. Almost home, Babe." _

"_God, I wanted to hold onto you after that case. That was the first time I felt it. The first time I loved you." _

"_JJ," Emily owes it to her to try again. To make her see. She goes to say that she is a liar, to repeat herself, but what comes out instead is,"Я практически стала матерью." _

_JJ doesn't answer right away, she slides each of her fingers between Emily's, and the sensation makes the brunette shudder. _

"_Say it again," JJ murmurs. "More slowly." _

"_Я практически стала матерью," Emily says. She used to whisper it to herself at night, that first year she was away at college. Just that one sentence, a confession and a thrill, all at once._

"_Again," JJ says, and Emily knows they could continue on this way, until sunrise. _

_She takes a deep breath. "I was almost a mother." _

_JJ brings Emily's hand to her lips. "I love you," she says simply._

_Emily gives her head a little shake, trying to dispel the tears. "Ты самый важный человек в моей жизни*," The Russian feels good and foreign on her tongue. Like she could be someone else, if she needed to be. "Я не могу, тебе не понять.**" _

_JJ only shrugs and grips her hand tighter. _

"_I'll wait." _

…

…

"Henry deserves to be treated with love, and care, and respect. He deserves to be treated like an individual with feeling and thoughts that are as valid as anyone's."

Maura turns, confused. "Henry?"

"And JJ. I…when I'm with her – with them – I try to," She moves her hands in a vague way, trying to find the right words. "I try to be…"

"Everything you were taught not to be," Dr. Isle fills in.

Emily drops her hands.

"Jane is the first friend I've had in a long time. With her, I don't feel like the geeky, awkward teenager my mother frog marched through countless museums. I had my first girl's night with her. I…" Maura hesitates. "I am someone better when I am with her. She is…"

Emily nods. "I know."

"You are not the only one who can overcome your history, Agent Prentiss."

"Call me Emily," she answers. "Please."

The sound of the door opening makes them both look around. Jane and JJ are standing there, both with twin looks of concern.

"You're still here," Jane looks wholly relieved, and Emily watches Maura's whole face change when she looks at the detective.

JJ gives Emily a meaningful look and then smiles warmly at Maura. "Please don't leave, Dr. Isles."

Maura smiles weakly. "I shouldn't interrupt your reunion any further."

"Stay," Emily says, and after another look from JJ, she repeats herself, trying for a softer tone. "Stay, Doctor, please."

Maura looks to Jane, who takes a half step forward. She glares at Emily, who hangs her head; a show of remorse that she hopes will spur Jane forward.

"Stay," Jane says. "Please, Maura."

Emily has to admit, Dr. Isles does have a simply radiant smile.

…

…

* * *

*"you mean everything to me"

** "I can't, you don't understand."

**Hi guys. Here are two chapters just for you. It's a thank you for bearing with me while I was away. For those of you that don't know, my fanfiction account was hacked and I didn't have it for several weeks. I think I've managed to reach out to all of the people who got nasty messages from me, but if you received a horrible message from "me" in the last couple of weeks, just please know it wasn't from the real me. It was from a very nasty human who was looking to inflict as much pain on me as possible. She was pretty successful. But it's over now, so, on we go. If you have a burning need to know more, you can check out my tumblr (colormetheworld dot tumblr dot com). I hope you enjoyed these two pieces. I'm actually really enjoying writing this one. Hope you all are too. Shout out to Maticky, luckypenguinbuddy, sideadde, you guys were supportive and lovely through all of this. Welcome to Nannyalberte, hope you enjoy the ride. Softgodphase, thank you! I've reworked Chapter 5 so the names make more sense. **

**The CM episodes in Emily's flashbacks are Seven Seconds (3x5) and Demonology (4x17). Really great episodes. The whole series is on Netflix so….you know…you really should check that out if you can ;) **

**Happy reading **

**tc**


	8. I-VIII: Olivia

_Emily arrives ten minutes after Olivia calls. She pulls the door open on her friend with a sigh, speaking over the yelling in the background. _

"_I told you not to rush," she says. "It's going to be at least another ten before she goes down."_

Emily's expression asks a dozen questions, but she steps into the narrow hallway and asks only one. "What can I do?"

"_Strip and clean the bed in the room down there to the right, please." Olivia had made up her mind when she called Emily and not Jane, and now she redoubles her resolve and points down the hall. "There's already cleaner in the corner." _

_Olivia doesn't have time to decide what the look on Emily's face means, because at that moment her mother comes around the corner. _

_Serena Benson's eyes are bloodshot and out of focus. She's holding a half empty bottle For a moment she stares between Emily and Olivia, as if she is unsure which one of them belongs to her. Then she points at Olivia. "You're nothing," she says, and her words are runny like under cooked eggs. "Youshn't even have been born." _

_She staggers forward, lifting the bottle like she's going to strike something. Olivia thinks she looks a bit comical, like a two year old throwing a tantrum, but Emily steps forward, lowering her chin._

_Olivia wishes fleetingly for Jane. "Ignore her," She tells Emily. _

"_Ig-" Emily looks incredulous, but she cuts herself off and nods once. She gives Serena a withering look before turning in the direction that Olivia has pointed. _

_..._

"Why didn't you call me?" Jane interrupts angrily. "And what does this have to do with why Emily hates Maura."

"Emily doesn't hate Maura," JJ says quietly.  
"Could have fooled me," Jane huffs. "Were we sitting at different tables just now?"  
"Jane," Olivia says patiently. "Let me tell the rest of this, please?"

Jane grumbles but doesn't interrupt again as Olivia starts talking.

...

_Serena doesn't pass out for almost 45 more minutes. At the end, when they are hauling her towards the bedroom, she opens one bleary eye and focuses on Emily. _

"_You're not my daughter," she says clearly. "My daughter's not so pretty as you." _

_Emily has been instructed to ignore the woman's rantings, but a muscle jumps in her jaw as she grits her teeth. _

"_She's a nuisance you know," Serena grunts as they lower her onto the mattress. "She's a mistake. Worst one I ever made."_

_As soon as the older woman's arm is down from around Emily's neck, she turns and leaves the room. _

_Olivia pulls the sheet up around her mother. "Sleep, Mom," she says unnecessarily. Serena's head has already dropped back against the pillow. _

_When she makes her way out into the hall, Emily is pulling on her coat. Olivia stands, watching her for a moment before reaching for her own jacket. They leave the little apartment together, and almost like they've planned it, they turn left at the end of Olivia's street and head towards the pier. _

"_Why isn't Jane here?" _

_Olivia has been anticipating this question. She slows a little. "Because I called you." _

"_Why?" _

"_Because I wanted you to see my mom at her worst." The best policy with Emily is always the truth. She has a nose for lies, like a bloodhound. _

_They round the next corner and come up on the pier, the water in the harbor dark and restless. They choose a bench without talking about it. Olivia makes sure they sit so that they are not touching. If she makes contact with Emily, she wants the other girl to know that it is deliberate. That there has been no mistake. _

_They look out over the water, Olivia waiting for the question she knows Emily is working up to. The past events necessitate it. _

"_Has she ever-"Emily begins. _

"_No," Olivia says quickly. "No. She just."_

"_Drinks and tells you what a mistake you are?" _

_Olivia thinks she knows what happened in Rome. "Well," she says slowly, "I certainly wasn't planned. She resents my very existence."_

"_Don't say that," Emily says harshly. "You're amazing. You're so smart, and funny and you care so much about everyone. You-"_

"_It doesn't matter what I am, Emmy, not for her. I spent years trying to change the way she sees me. That isn't going to happen." The words come out of her mouth, and they feel so frighteningly liberating that she says the sentence again. "That isn't going to happen." _

"_God," Emily says, and for the first time in almost three years, she looks like the vulnerable kid that said hi to Olivia back in 8__th__ grade. "Everything just got so messed up." _

"_You mean here?" They are getting closer to the heart of it now, Olivia can feel it. _

"_I mean everywhere." _

_Olivia smiles. Neither one of her friends lacks a flare for the dramatic. "You didn't mess anything up here." _

_Emily lets out a shaky breath. "I kissed Jane," she says all in a rush. "She told me she loved me, and I don't feel the same, but I let her kiss me. I kissed her back." _

"_I know," Olivia says. _

_Emily's head snaps around. "You do?" _

"_Yeah," Olivia says casually. "We talked about it. I convinced her not to drop out. To graduate and then reevaluate. You know she wants to go into the Academy." _

_Emily pinches the inside of her right elbow with her thumb and index finger. "Oh, my god," she says, sounding despondent._

"_That's Jane," Olivia continues, reassuring "She's never been able to sit with pain."_

"_I ruin everything," Emily says, and her voice sounds monotone. _

"_Emily," Olivia says firmly. "This isn't about Jane…" _

_Emily turns her face away, but it's obvious she's not looking at anything. "Tell me what happened in Rome," Olivia says quietly. "Tell me." _

_And Emily does, tripping only once, over the word 'baby.' When she finishes, they sit there for a long time saying nothing. She watches Emily's jaw work, and waits until she is sure the tears won't fall before reaching out and taking the other girl's hand. _

"_I tried to make it right," Emily says, choking up. "I didn't want…I tried to make it right." _

_Olivia nods, and she keeps her voice level. She knows more about both Emily and Jane than either girl would give her credit for. She listens to their restless sleep. She can fill in a lot of the rest. "Was it consensual, Em?" _

_Emily closes her eyes, and Olivia wonders if she ever lets herself cry, even when she's alone. The older girl nods. _

"_J'aime bien les filles. Je veux dire…" Her French is halting, slower than the other couple of times Olivia has heard her speak it, and she can make out most of the words, so she lets Emily continue, knowing she wears the foreign language like a safety vest. "Ce que j'essaie de dire c'est que… je les aime. Je t'aime!" Emily blushes deeply. There is no misunderstanding or misinterpreting this confession, but Olivia doesn't say anything. She doesn't even look around, just squeezes Emily's hand, permission and encouragement. "Et j'essayais… j'essayais juste de… mais tout était tellement embrouillé. L'ambassadrice, elle… elle ne pouvait… et je n'avais pas la langue… mais. Je l'ai maintenant**." _

"_Did you say no?" Olivia asks again. _

"_No," Emily says. "I didn't. And…I didn't want to." _

_Olivia lets out the breath that she's been holding. "Okay," she says. "Okay." _

"_Do you forgive her?" Emily asks suddenly. "Your mother? Do you forgive her?" _

_Olivia blinks. "Sometimes." She puts her head on Emily's shoulder, slowly. _

"_Will I forgive myself?" She asks, whispering even though they are alone. "Will I be okay with my own inability? Ever?"  
Olivia slips her arm through Emily's. She doesn't acknowledge when Emily starts to cry. _

"_Tell me the truth," Emily whispers. "Will I be forgiven?" _

_Olivia sighs. "Sometimes." _

_..._

"After that summer, she changed. She changed with both of us, but mostly you, Jane."

JJ, sitting next to Jane, reaches out to squeeze her hand, glancing at Olivia in case this is a bad move. She smiles encouragingly.

Jane is staring down at the table. She looks furious, but Olivia knows that if there is anger in her processing it will be directed inward.

"She wanted to protect you. She wanted…she didn't want you see the ugly parts of the world. She thought you'd suffered enough already."

Jane takes a shaky breath that catches in her chest like a loose thread on a hook.

"Why didn't I see it?" She says, almost to herself. And then, "my father doesn't define me," with enough conviction that she could believe it. "I could have understood."

"You could have understood her rejection of you as a reflection of _her_?"

Jane hesitates.

"She's only ever wanted to protect you, Jane. She's only ever wanted to protect both of us. If she's wary of the doctor it's because she thinks that Maura will hurt you…the way she hurt you when we were kids. And you have been happy to be protected by her, you've been glad of it, for a long time."

Jane's head jerks up angrily, and she opens her mouth to protest, but Olivia stops her.

"It's not a bad thing, Jay. I'm not calling you weak. I know how you felt for Emily, okay? I know. But there is a day when you have to show her you can stand _with _her. Do you get that?"

Jane blinks, and Olivia can tell she's really trying.

"She could have told me," Jane says finally. "I would have understood."

Olivia shakes her head, trying to think of a new way to come at the discussion. JJ catches her eye, asking permission, and she nods.

"You know, Jane, Emily's told me quite a bit about your family. About your brothers." There is something so non-threatening about JJ that Jane doesn't even flinch at her words, just tilts her head a bit to show that she's listening, even if her eyes haven't come off her beer bottle.

"You…protected Frankie and Tommy from your father for a long time, right?"

A subtle move of the shoulders is all JJ gets, but she's a profiler like her wife, and Olivia can see her studying every aspect of Jane's body language, not just her face.

"When was the last time you protected Frankie from him?"

Jane picks at the beer bottle in her hands. "He doesn't need protecting anymore," she says gruffly. "He can stand up for himself."

Olivia nods, the perfect opening presenting itself. "Yeah, Jane…he became your equal, see? He's someone you can lean on now. Not someone you have to protect. He showed you that…somehow."

She doesn't ask for the exact moment that Frankie and Jane became a united front instead of a little brother in the shadow of his rescuer, but she can see that Jane is remembering it anyway.

For a little while, none of them speak, JJ keeps her hand on Jane's until the brunette gently pulls away. Olivia knows that Jane really likes JJ, she warmed to her almost instantly, and she was amazing with JJ's son Henry. Alex, the lawyer, with her clinical thinking and hard edges had been a harder sell. So Olivia is mildly surprised when it is Alex to whom Jane directs her next question.

"Can I ask you something, Counselor?"

Alex's eyes widen slightly behind her glasses. To an outsider, she looks caught off guard, but Oliva knows that she's been following the conversation with her own brand of laser focus, and will follow up with Olivia with her own questions and opinions when they are alone.

Now, brought into the spotlight, she calculates outcomes briefly before answering. "Of course," she says.

"You…love Liv, don't you?"

"Yes."

"A lot?"

Olivia watches her wife trying to see where this conversation is going. "Very, very much."

"Why?" she asks, and when JJ laughs and Olivia pulls a face, she hurries on. "No, I mean…what do you love about her. Why did you…fall in love with her?"

Alex considers this for long enough that Olivia thinks she will decline to answer. Then she smiles. "Because she understood me," she says. "We're so different in a lot of ways, and sometimes those ways are infuriating, and sometimes they are incredibly sexy. But I'm in love with Olivia because no matter what…there's an essential, critical part of her that is always in sync with me. I know that the things that are really, desperately important to me are going to be important to her too. And that's what holds us together."

Jane nods, though her brow stays knit.

"Jane," Alex says. "Do you love her?"

For a moment, Jane just stares down at the wood of their table. Then, with a big sigh, she starts to slide herself out of their booth.

"I'll be back okay?"

JJ's smile looks like it hurts, it's so big.  
"We'll be right here," Olivia says.

"Thanks, Liv." Jane is gruff in her gratitude. Same as always.

"Go get her, tiger."

And with a huff and an eye roll, Jane heads for the door.

JJ excuses herself to take a drowsy Henry to the bathroom, and as they watch them walk away, Alex puts her hand on Olivia's knee.

"You are categorically amazing. Did you know that?"

Olivia chuckles, but Alex remains serious. "Honestly, Liv. Do those two understand how much they need you?"

"Yeah, they do," Olivia answers. "In their own way. And I need both of them just as much."

...

_She falls in love with Alexandra Cabot over sushi she can't afford, using utensils she's never touched before in her life. _

_They are talking about her childhood friends, Emily and Jane, and Alex is listening with her usual intense attention, while lifting the delicate little circles of sushi to her mouth like it's the easiest thing in the world._

"_So, Jane is the jock," she says between bites, "Emily is the goth…the bad ass. What does that make you?" _

_Olivia holds a chopstick in each hand, wondering if she will blow any romantic chance she has by stabbing her shrimp tempura like she's a knight battling a dragon. _

"_Um…" she says distractedly. "I don't know. I was kind of a," she transfers a chopstick so that she's holding them both in one hand, "I was sort of a jack of all trades when I was younger. Didn't zero in until I worked a case with SVU my second year on the force." _

_She looks up to see Alex watching her over the tops of her glasses, amused. "Do you want help?" she asks, clearly trying not to laugh. _

"_I want to figure it out," she says, "Anyway…Emily wanted FBI from jump. Jane…wanted to be like her family." _

"_Her father is on the force?" Alex asks, and she reaches across to reposition Olivia's hands. The pads of her fingers are cold and soft, gentle. Olivia wants to feel them on her face, and she blushes as the thought occurs to her. _

"_Thanks," she says weakly, losing her train of thought."What were you saying?" _

_Alex's smile is a knowing one. "Jane…you said she wanted to be like her family." _

"_Oh! Oh, yeah…I meant she wanted to be like Emily and I." _

"_Me." Alex interrupts smoothly. _

"_Me," Olivia accepts, grinning, Thinking of Emily. "She wanted to be like us. We're her family. She's like a sister to me. So she joined to be like us…but she's a damn good cop all on her own. She wouldn't change for anything." _

"_Ah," Alex says. "I see now." _

_Olivia succeeds in getting a piece of sushi balanced on her chopsticks, and she manages to get it halfway to her mouth before it falls back to her plate. _

"_Dang," she says. "It will be a shame to have to pay so much for something I can't even taste." _

_Alex's laugh is understated. It will take Olivia several months to confirm it as genuine. She replays the last couple of minutes and realizes what the counselor has said. _

"_Wait…what do you see?" _

"_What you are…to your little family group. I see now." Alex expertly picks up a piece of sushi and offers it to Olivia, who takes it in her mouth, surprised. _

"_Thanks," She says, and then when Alex doesn't answer, she prompts, "so what am I?" _

"_The good girl," Alex says simply. "The backbone even though you would never-there see, you're shaking your head right now." Alex laughs again. "But you are. You're the good one. The sweet one. The lifting one. I see it in you at work too. It's very attractive." _

_She lifts another piece of sushi to Olivia's mouth. _

"_It is?" Olivia asks, stunned. This is not the way she saw this going, not in a million years. "You think I'm attractive?" _

_Alex's blue eyes are mischievous. She bites her lip, lifts another piece of sushi. _

_Olivia is in love. _

They come back in, eventually, Maura looking flushed and happy, Jane looking surprised and elated. Jane lets Maura slide into the booth first and then goes after her, putting a tentative hand in the middle of her back as they settle in.

"Okay?" Olivia asks.

Behind them, JJ meets Emily as she comes back from the bathroom, and Henry stretches his arms out to the brunette, who lifts him easily into her arms.

Jane grins, and spins in her seat to instruct one of the women to bring her another drink.

"Great," she says turning back.

"Everything is great."

* * *

_**"I like girls [well]. I want[mean] to say… what I'm trying to say is that… I /love/ them. I /love/ you! And I was trying… I was just trying to… but everything was so confused. The ambassador, she… she could not… and I didn't have the language… but. I have it now."_

**...**

**...**

**Thanks to everyone hanging in with this story. Olivia chapters are a bit difficult for me to write, but I already have at least a third of Chapter 9 so that should come soon. I also dreamt about Protect Me, so I should get that out in the next couple too. Matiky, I think maybe this chapter will help a little in the disconnect you see. I'm really excited to play with these characters. As I've been working on this piece, it's been really interesting to see three shows that have very similar structures, but characters who really are very different. I'm seeing about 6 more chapters and an amazingly long epilogue (already written) for this fic. Hope you will all hang in. Luckypenguinbuddy, kbprincess, beanmeup, justsomeprettylightinthesky, killie64, Zarosguth, drisles, I hope this chapter satisfied. **

**happy reading **

**tc**


	9. I-IX: Jane

_Jane meets Alexandra Cabot for the first time at the wedding of her childhood friend Elliot Stabler. Emily says she will fly into Boston to collect Jane, and the two of them will rent a car and drive to New York City for the celebration._

_"You don't have to do that," Jane protests the week before, sighing into the phone just as Emily draws a breath._

_"Well, someone has to make sure you get there on time," Emily says. "We can share the driving."_

_Jane knew that Emily and Olivia had already talked about this and that they have drawn straws and it is Emily who has lost. Emily who has to talk her into this babysitting._

_She flexes her hands, stilled wrapped at the palms. She puts up the fight that Emily is expecting._

_"I don't need to share the driving," she says obstinately. "I'm fine."_

_A pause, as Emily weighs her options. "Are you taking the pain meds they prescribed?"_

_Trapped. Jane knows it and so does Emily. If she says yes, then Prentiss is right, they should share driving. If she says no, well…_

_"Yes," she concedes, and she can hear Emily smile._

_"Looks like we're sharing driving then, Hero."_

_Jane's hands clench into fists automatically. "Don't call me that," she says, and she hears the change in her voice. She is unable to stop it. Since when did her apartment smell like a musty old basement?_

_"Hey, Jane," Emily's voice has gotten softer. She's not playing around anymore. This trip to the wedding will be Jane's first real social outing since Hoyt. Since he tried to kill her. Since her tried to dissect her into little pieces and-_

_"Jane, come back," Emily is firm. "You saved that woman. You're in your apartment. He's in maximum security prison and he-"_

_"Thanks," she cuts Emily off. She doesn't need the whole ritual. "Thanks," she says again. "What kind of car should I rent?"_

_Emily lets her change the subject. "Something sporty and sexy," she says, hiding her laugh. "Like me."_

_Jane chokes on her water. "Minivan it is."_

…

_Jane is twenty seven, a new detective and a former invalid. Injured in the line of duty. She might have feelings for the Medical Examiner she's been working with for the past six months. _

_All of this is too much change, and as they pull into the assigned parking for the wedding, Jane takes comfort in the knowledge that her friends - at least - have not changed. _

_Emily made good on her promise, flying into Boston the day before the wedding, and the two spent the three hour car ride (in the bright red minivan Jane picked out) trading stories about work, and not talking about the tender skin still visible on Jane's hands. _

_Everything with these two is, and will always be, the same. _

_Jane had felt comforted. _

_They leave their car with the valet, and wade through the throngs of wedding guests, looking for Olivia. It is Emily who sees her first, and she taps Jane on the shoulder and points to their left, and whatever ease Jane felt in the car disappears. Olivia is there, looking much the same as the last time Jane laid eyes on her. But she is talking to a woman, tall and blonde, with dark rimmed glasses and sharp blue eyes. And the way Olivia leans in to talk to her…_

_The way she puts her hand lightly on the other woman's hip, just for a second._

_"What the hell?" Jane asks. "Really?" _

_Emily raises an eyebrow, but doesn't answer. They have both known Olivia for more than fifteen years. There can be no misinterpretation of what they're seeing. _

_Jane looks to Emily to see how she's reacting to this new development, or to get a clue about how she might react, But Emily's face is impressively blank. She feels Jane's eyes on her, however, and she nods once. _

_"Let's get this over with, then, hmm?"_

_They make their way forward. Olivia jumps, startled, turning from the tall blonde with a look of undisguised panic. Jane feels an irrational prickle of irritation at her best friend's seeming displeasure at their arrival. _

_"Hope we weren't interrupting anything," Emily says, and although she has a smile on her face, her voice is decidedly frosty. _

_"No!" Olivia's voice wavers. "You're just early. I wasn't expecting you for another hour." She steps forward then, and hugs them, and Jane feels somewhat placated by the familiar gesture. _

_Emily, it seems, is not. "Who's your friend?" she asks when they pull apart, because the blonde woman hasn't moved away, but stands nearby, watching the three of them with undisguised curiosity. _

_Olivia turns and beckons the woman forward, and only when she steps forward, about to be introduced, does she lower her eyes as if she is shy. _

_"This is Alexandra Cabot," Olivia says, and Jane watches the way she looks when she says this name. Like there is nothing more beautiful to her in the world. "She's ADA for Manhattan." _

_An attorney. _

_Emily's face doesn't change, but Jane is sure that her own expression has turned very sour. She can't help it. _

_Olivia shoots her a look, and when Alex holds out her hand, Jane takes it grudgingly. _

_Emily shakes it next, and her dark eyes search every inch of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot's face. _

_The lawyer looks back, just as mesmerized. _

_It is the first time that Jane she sees the three of them as a triangle. _

_A girl in love with a girl in love with a girl. No one in the right spot when they need to be._

_Olivia is the first one to break it. She has found Alexandra. _

_…_

_She sits down next to Emily on the bench, and for a while they don't say anything. Then Emily throws her arm over the back of the bench. She's not actually touching Jane, but it's comforting nonetheless. "How are you?" she asks, tone casual._

_Jane sighs. "She loves that DA. Did you see? She's been making kissy faces at her all day." She's unsure if she says this because she wishes to wound Emily, or if her own jealousy is spurring her forward._

_Emily doesn't answer right away, she looks out at the view of the ocean, eyes unreadable. Jane wishes she knew how to make her face stony like that. Her old partner, Korsak, used to tell her that every emotion she feels is also perfectly etched on her face._

_"She deserves to be happy," Emily says finally, and Jane nods, instantly guilty. She is not as selfless or as unruffled as Emily is._

_"Yeah," Jane agrees. "I just meant…I just meant I wish she would have told us._

_Emily blinks. _

_"Em?" Jane can't help but push. "Don't you wish she would have told us?"_

_"I don't suppose we've given her much reason to want to share that part of herself with us," Emily says lowly. _

_Jane bristles. "She's my best friend. I don't believe that shit my Pop tried to-"_

_"Still," Emily says, abrupt. Her face may be unreadable, but her tone always gives her away. "We lack, in that area don't we. She doesn't want to tell us because she doesn't want to trigger you, and I…" another broken thought. Emily clenches her fists. _

_"You trade in secrets," Jane offers, to move away from the emotion. _

_Emily looks at her like she might be grateful, and then something seems to occur to her. "You shook her hand," she says. _

_Jane nods, and then she realizes too, and she looks down at her palms, surprised. "It didn't hurt," she says, awed. _

_And Emily's eyes are alive again, and she lets her arm fall across Jane's shoulders for the type of hug the two of them deal in. _

_"We're gonna be okay," Emily says. "And we're gonna do better." _

_"Yeah?" Jane loves Emily. She looks to her. _

_"Yeah," Emily says. "And we're gonna follow Olivia's lead, and we're gonna go after what we want." _

_And Jane allows herself to be happy, because Emily is. _

_"Yeah," she says. "Even if that ADA is way out of her league." _

…

…

"Are you okay?" Jane take a step towards Maura, then stops, unsure. She isn't sure what Emily has been saying, only that she came out here to make it better.

And when Maura turns to face her, she is smiling. "Yes."

Jane breathes a small sigh of relief. "Yeah? Emily didn't rough you up too bad?"

Maura's eyes look glossy, like she's been on the verge of tears for a while. "Of course not," she says quickly. "She cares about you very much, Jane. She sees herself as your older sister. That much is clear."

Jane snorts. "Yeah. Just like an older sister to go prying into my love life." She says it without thinking, and only realizes the weight of her statement when she looks up into Maura's wide eyes.

"I mean…" she starts, ready to sidestep, "I just meant-"

But Maura smiles gently, moving towards her and the entrance to the bar. "It's alright, Jane," she says. "I know. Should we go back in?"

She's offering an out.

Jane doesn't want it. She steps in front of the doctor, blocking her way to the door, holding out her hands. "I…no," she stammers, fighting to quiet the beating of her heart. "Can we just, like, sit over here for a minute?"

Maura's face registers shock, and then concern, but she nods, taking Jane's hand and letting herself be led to the little bench off to the side of the building.

They sit for a while, not talking, and Jane can feel Maura watching her. She tries to prepare herself, to open her mouth and just do what it is she came out here to do.

"Jane," Maura says softly. "It's okay. Emily didn't tell me anything about you that would put me off."

Jane's head snaps up. "What?"

Maura blinks. "We barely talked about you at all. And when we did it wasn't anything that would make me think less of you. Like anything ever could," she adds like an afterthought.

"Oh," Jane says. "No." Maura has misunderstood. "No, that's not…" She looks at Maura, and the confusion on her face makes Jane relax a little bit.

"That's not why I came out," she says. "That's not why I wanted to sit."

"I see," Maura says, and if anything, her bewilderment deepens. "What is it, then? Are you alright?"

"You know," Jane swallows, "you know what happened last week? In the crib?"

Maura's face stays perfectly blank, and for a moment, Jane panics, thinking that it was a dream, and now she's going to have to explain herself.

But then Maura nods. "Yes," she says. "I remember."

"We should talk about it," Jane says slowly, and Maura looks up into her face, trying to read her.

"Should we?"

"Yeah. Don't you want to?"

"Yes," Maura says, "but only if you're ready."

Jane frowns, moving a little closer. "Even if waiting hurts you?"

"It doesn't-" she breaks off abruptly, and Jane realizes that she was about to lie, but cannot make herself. Jane watches her sidestep the actual question so that she can be truthful.

"I care more about what makes you comfortable," she says finally, and when Jane makes a disgruntled noise, she turns slightly so that they are looking directly into each other's eyes.

"I won't bully you into any decisions," Maura says it quietly, but her tone is full of conviction. "I won't back you into a corner that leaves you no other option than to fight your way out."

"I could never fight you," Jane says. She wants to reach for Maura's hands, but stops herself. "I'd never fight you."

"I've never given you any reason to," Maura says quietly. "But I saw the way you looked that night, after we were together."

"How did I look?" Jane asks, and she really wants to know. She can't even begin to explain how she'd felt.

"You looked terrified," Maura says without hesitation. "You looked terrified and exhausted and like you were at war. And I wasn't about to push you into an action." She smiles weakly, and her hands unclasp in her lap to gesture as she speaks. "I wasn't about to push you into something that might ultimately take you away from me."

And now Jane does reach out and takes her hand, feeling the way Maura's breath catches when they touch. "I'm not going anywhere," she says.

Maura allows herself to look doubtful. "You can't make that promise."

"Why would I want to be anywhere that you weren't?" Jane counters.

Maura lets out a breath, exasperated. "Jane, I don't know what Olivia and Jennifer said to you inside, but I can't-"

"You let me change the subject," Jane interrupts, and Maura is quiet, waiting. "When we get to close to something I'm," she hesitates, and then gives the ground. This woman is worth it. "When we get close to something I'm too afraid to talk about, you let me change the subject. You take care of me when I'm too stubborn to do it myself. You show up at my apartment with food and comfort and you…you sit by my hospital bed and talk to me. You…you told me once, when I was down, that even if I came back half of the person I was, you'd still love me the same."

Maura looks around at her, thrown. "You heard that?"

Jane nods. "I'd hear you say you love me anywhere, Maura. In any condition. You say it to me every day without even using those words. And I let you, because…I'm a coward."

Maura's laugh is a little watery. "You are anything but a coward, Jane."

"It's because…It's my father…He would-" she begins, but Maura shushes her, putting a hand on her upper arm.

"You don't have to tell me," she says. "You don't owe me an explanation more than you deserve to never have to think about that man again."

And Jane leans forward so she can put her fingers into Maura's hair. "It's your turn," she says, watching how the other woman's eyes close as her fingers trace the shell of her ear. "Tell me what you want, Maura. Please?"

…

…

_She drops by the precinct after her second to last visit to the shrink. It's been a long day on her feet and her hands are throbbing dully. She ignores the pain, tells her hands that they will just have to fucking get used to it. She is back on the force as of next week. Besides, she wants to see the doctor. It's the first thing she's wanted since regaining her independence, and her therapist has told her she needs to act upon her desires._

_So she goes to the precinct, and she ducks into the elevator to the morgue without saying hi to anyone. She is single minded._

_Maura Isles is in her office, engrossed in something on her computer, and Jane lingers in the doorway, just looking. She and the Medical Examiner had been working together for almost six months before Hoyt happened. Jane considers this woman her best friend, though she would never say that out loud to anyone, least of all to Maura herself. But the doctor glances up and jumps. "Jane!" She stands, broad smile, and comes around the corner of her desk, the surprise in her expression fading to tempered excitement. "I didn't know you were coming by today. It is so good to see you."_

_Maura is beautiful._

_Maura sat by her bed every day for hours in the hospital, even when she was too out of her mind on pain meds to really contribute anything to the conversation._

_Maura talked to her anyway. Even when she thought she was asleep._

_"You're looking well!" Maura says, and she does indeed look Jane up and down, inspecting her. "You've come by to tell me you're returning soon?"_

_In truth, Jane has come to apologize. Since her release from the hospital, she has shut every single person out of her life. She doesn't return calls from Emily or Olivia or Korsak. Her mother has visited her apartment twice, and both times Jane hid in her room, under her comforter until she left._

_"Yes," Jane says, feeling guilty, taking the out anyway. "My shrink says I'm clear. Now it's just physical."_

_"Well, we both know you'll have no trouble there," she says lightly. Then she steps closer. "Can…I see one of your hands?" she asks it openly, seemingly unafraid, and something about the nature of her request makes Jane think twice before answering._

_"Which one?" she asks, nerves making her sound more sarcastic than she wants to be._

_Maura ignores her tone and genuinely considers her question. "The one that hurts more, I suppose," she says, and Jane offers her left hand to the doctor. Slowly, still not sure that this is a good idea._

_Maura slips Jane's hand out of its protective sleeve and flattens it, palm up, against her own, glancing up at Jane's quiet little hiss of pain._

_They stand there in silence for almost three minutes, Maura pressing lightly on different parts of Jane's hand, taking note of the places that make the taller woman jump a little, or clench her jaw._

_Finally, she pulls away. She smiles up into Jane's face, a full, sincere smile that makes Jane's eyes water._

_"You're going to be as good as new," she says._

_It is the first time anyone has said it with so much unwavering belief. It is the first time that Jane truly believes it._

_"Hey, Maura?"_

_"Mm?"_

_"I also came by because…" she balks, she can't help it. "I just…have been really distant. From everyone! And I just wanted to tell you…I wanted." It is not supposed to be this hard._

_Maura turns away from her, and Jane tries not to look as she bends over her desk to lift her phone to her ear. "Susie? I'm going to take my lunch a bit early today…" she pauses, listening. "Yes. No, pack that and phone me if the results on Dyson's case come in…Thank you." She hangs up and turns to Jane, still smiling as though Jane hasn't been an awkward, stuttering mess._

_"I hear what you're saying," she says, and Jane's heart seems to squeeze tight. "You've been away for a long time. And if you don't get a cheeseburger, you will cease to exist."_

_And Jane laughs, so relieved that she actually feels lighter. She nods, still chuckling. "I need a cheeseburger pretty bad, doctor. How did you know?"_

_Maura's smile is warm. "Company?" she phrases it as a question, but Jane doesn't even consider turning her down. Her face muscles feel out of practice. She has not smiled this much since…she can't even remember when._

_She opens the door for Maura, and finds her hand in the small of her back as she ushers the doctor through the door._

_If Maura notices this, she does not comment on it._

…

…

Jane leaves her lips against Maura's a little longer than the kiss requires. She is marveling at how good it feels to kiss her, and not have to pretend to be asleep, or pretend that it isn't really happening. There is still an initial thrill of fear and panic, but it is nearly overwhelmed by the rightness of this woman in her arms. For her part, Maura seems to have frozen. "I want to kiss you," she'd said, and Jane had leaned in and kissed her, without thinking.

Behind them, Jane hears a chuckle, and then a voice that sounds vaguely familiar says, "shit. I owe Frankie like fifty bucks."

Maura pulls away, blushing, and Jane looks around in time to see a rookie from her brother's class wink at her before disappearing into the bar.

Jane laughs, and when she turns back to Maura, she sees the other woman looking at her with wide, amazed eyes. "What else?" she asks, and when Maura looks her confusion, she clarifies. "What else do you want? What else can I do? I hope all your wishes are that easy."

Maura opens her mouth, and then closes it again. She looks down at their hands, still entwined. "We will have to have Emily and Olivia to the city more," she says, looking away, and Jane feels her spirits fall. Maura understands this show of affection, however public, to be simply a result of the cajoling and needling of her friends.

"Maura," Jane sighs. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry-"

"Yes there is," Jane cuts her off, more than her talk with Olivia, this kiss has sealed her. "All you do is support me, and love me, and give me all this space to figure out what my deal is, and all I've done is taken advantage of that."

"You haven't-"

"I have. Because now you think that tomorrow, when they're gone and we see each other at work, that I'm going to act like nothing happened. I've made you have to protect yourself, the way I felt like I had to."

Maura is crying, and Jane holds her hand and doesn't try to stop her. Just when she thinks that it is too little, and too late, that all of this is falling short, Maura speaks.

"I want to take you out."

"What?" Jane misses most of the request in her surprise.

Maura looks up. "I want to take you out. To dinner. Or lunch. You can pick, but I want it to be a date. And I want to kiss you again."

Jane grins. "Okay."

"And,"

Jane raises an eyebrow. "There's more?"

The ghost of a smile tells her it's going to be okay, but when Maura's speaks, she is serious. "There's no going back Jane. You're right, I've protected myself from you." She grimaces. "That sounds awful, doesn't it? I don't mean-"

But Jane shakes her head. She brings Maura's hand to her lips and the doctor falls silent. "No going back," she says, and Maura laughs.

"I'm going to take you out," she says, and the authority in her voice makes Jane's heart race. Maura stands. "We really should go back," she says. "They'll be wondering where we are."

And Jane stands too. "One thing first," she says, and she presses her lips to Maura's again. There is still the fear, still the thrill of panic, but it's already less. "I lo-" she starts, but Maura puts her whole hand over Jane's mouth.

"No," she says, but she is smiling wider than Jane has ever seen. "Not yet. I…" she shakes her head. "Not yet." And when Jane nods, she stands a little taller to kiss Jane's cheek, and then turns and heads into the bar.

Jane follows her, making sure to hold the door open for the doctor on their way back inside.


	10. II-I: Emily

_PART II  
four years later_

* * *

_..._

_Emily is alone with Henry when Olivia calls about Elliot Stabler's wedding. _

"_He finally wore Kathy down, huh?" Emily laughs, bouncing Henry on her knees, making faces at him so he'll laugh. _

"_We're all invited," Olivia says, and there's something in her voice that grabs Emily's attention. She doesn't mention it though. She knows Liv will get there soon enough. _

"_So who's going to tell the hero that she can't make the drive herself?"_

_Neither of them ever talk about how close they came to losing Jane to Hoyt. It's forbidden territory, and it goes without saying that if either of them were to ever have that close a shave, they won't fully discuss the potential loss of that either. _

_Olivia sighs heavily. "draw straws?"_

"_Over the phone? You'll cheat."_

"_Well, I was thinking that since you're driving anyway…" Olivia's voice trails off. _

_Emily laughs. "You jerk!"_

"_Baa!" Henry says adamantly. _

"_Was that Henry?"_

"_Yeah," Emily says, grinning. "Mommy needed a little break, so Aunt Em's on duty."_

"_Aunt," Muses Olivia, but Emily lets it go. Neither Jane nor Olivia has outright commented on how much time she spends with Jennifer Jareau. She wonders if they've talked about it to each other, the way she and Liv sometimes talk about the Medical Examiner. _

"_Look, Em," Olivia says, and here is the meat of the phonecall, Emily can tell. "I have to tell you something." _

_Emily stands, Henry in her arms. "So tell it," she says evenly, unsure why her heart swoops nervously like that. _

"_I...met someone," she says it quietly, but clearly, and though Emily has been ready for something like this, though later she will laugh and say she saw it coming, though she has been on the verge of kissing JJ Jareau for weeks now, the confession still makes her lean against the doorframe nearest to her. _

"_Emily?" Olivia's voice is small. Too understanding. "Em, I wanted to tell you before you got here…because…I just thought that-"_

"_What's her name?" Emily asks, surprised at her own vocal control._

_Olivia pauses. "Alexandra," she says._

_Emily looks down at her hands, making a lot of snap judgements in that moment that probably are not very fair. "What does she do?"_

"_She's," again with the hesitation. "She's our ADA."_

_Emily laughs. She cannot help it. "Oh my God," she says. "Jane's going to hate her!"_

_Olivia is silent._

"_Have you called her yet?"_

"_No," Olivia says guiltily. "It...something made it easier to call you." _

_Ah. Easier to let down the person who has feelings for you than to tell the person you have feelings for that they might not exist anymore. _

"_I get it," Emily says.  
"It's not that I don't-" Olivia rushes to fix it, but Emily sucks her teeth. _

"_Liv," she says firmly. "I get it." _

"_I love you," Olivia says, and Emily smiles because it has taken her a long time to realize that this line, from the first woman she ever fell in love with, is not pity. It's just the truth. _

"_I love you too. You owe me a steak for this." _

_Olivia laughs. Her laugh sounds happier. __She__ sounds so...good. _

"_So," Emily says, settling Henry in his high chair and opening the fridge. "Tell me all about A.D.A Alexandra." _

…

…

She gets home a little late, stepping into the front hall quietly, in case JJ has gotten Henry to sleep early. Their six year old is in a new phase, where he refuses to stay in his bed. They've found him in the hall, in the bathroom, even under their bed, curled up and asleep, seemingly content. Emily didn't think it was much to worry about, but JJ had started a new bedtime routine a week after the anomaly began, and she knew better than to try to talk her out of it.

But she rounds the corner into the kitchen and finds her wife and son at the dining room table, both sitting in front of the remains of ice cream sundaes.

Henry is waving his spoon around, making an airplane noise, and JJ is laughing at him. Emily just looks for a moment before stepping into view.

"What's all this?" she asks, laughing along with JJ as Henry holds out his sticky hands to her. "Isn't it late for ice cream sundaes?"

"We was waiting for you, Mom!" Henry says, the sugar from his sundae amplifying his voice. "We were waiting for you so we could show you the surprise!"

Emily raises her eyebrows, looking from Henry to JJ, who is leaning against the kitchen counter with a bowl of ice cream in her hands, eyes bright. She glances at Emily and her smile widens.

"There's a surprise for me?" Emily prompts, when JJ doesn't speak.

"Yeah!" Henry yells. "We've been waiting and waiting for you to get home."

"I'm even sorrier I'm late, then," Emily says, looking around curiously. "Where is this surprise?"

Henry spins in his seat to look at JJ expectantly. "Can I go put it on now, Mama?" he asks, wiggling enough that his chair tips back and forth. Emily reaches out a steadying hand as JJ nods.

"Yes. Make sure it's right side out so we can read it," she says, and they both watch Henry slide down from the chair and run out of the room.

Emily moves over to her wife, leaning down to kiss her, tasting ice cream on her lips. "Wow," she says, chuckling. "Mint Chocolate Chip. This must be a special occasion."

JJ nods. "Very," she confirms.

"Are you going to give me a hint?"

"No," JJ says resolutely, though she looks like she's trying to be firm with herself more than Emily. "Henry wanted to show you via the special gift we got him today, and I'm going to let him."

Emily pretends to pout, but she doesn't have long to wait. Henry's pounding feet can be heard returning from the next room, and they turn to look at him as he skids into the room.

He's wearing an oversized t-shirt, cut to fit like a baseball jersey. On the front is the big embroidered number one. He grins up at Emily excitedly, his chocolate mustache making him look like an overexcited little man.

"You're…joining a baseball team?"

JJ speaks, and now she sounds choked up. "Turn around honey," she says. "Show Momma your back."

Henry spins, and Emily reads words where his last name should be, printed in big block letters above another number one.

_Big Brother_

She stares at the words, and then when Henry spins back around, she stares at his elated, expectant face.

"W-what?" she manages. She turns to look at JJ, bewildered, and finds her wife laughing, tears on her cheeks.

"Didn't you read it, Momma?" Henry asks, concerned. "Didn't you see what it said?"

JJ laughs, reaching out so she can cup Emily's face. "Do you have the other one?" she asks their son, and Henry nods, holding another, much smaller t-shirt out.

Emily takes it, noticing that her hands are shaking as she does so. It is another little jersey, only this one has a number two stitched on it. And the words above the number say…

They say…

"Oh, my God." It's all Emily can muster. She holds the little shirt in her hands, barely registering JJ's arms as they close around her shoulders, or Henry's a little further down. "Oh, My God," she whispers.

"I'm going to be a brother!" Henry says, looking up at her. "I'm gonna be a big brother!"

Emily turns her head to look at JJ and is met with her lips, still smiling and wet from her tears.

"When did you find out?" She asks, when she has pulled away, bending down to pick Henry up. "Why didn't you call?"

JJ laughs, wiping her eyes. "I knew you'd be able to tell if you heard my voice," she says. "I couldn't even keep it a secret from Henry! He got it out of me before we'd even made it halfway home from school!"

Emily sinks into a seat at the dining room table, settling Henry on her lap. He puts his arms around her neck. "It's going to be a baby," he says, as if worried she doesn't fully understand. "So not a little guy to play with right away."

"And maybe not a guy at all, Henry, remember?" JJ says, coming to sit down at the table too. "Em?"

Emily looks at her, sure her face is still stuck in an expression of terrified shock. "I didn't think it'd happen so quickly," she says. It's the wrong thing. It's not what she means. JJ's face falls minutely, but she covers it quickly for Henry's sake.

"Are you excited, Momma?" Henry asks, studying her. "Don't you think I'll make a good big brother?"

Emily smiles at his hopeful little face. She loves him so much. "You are going to be the best big brother in the whole world, Henry," she says. "I can't wait to see you two together!"

In her chair nearby, JJ relaxes. They sit for a moment longer, Emily ruffling Henry's hair, until JJ shakes herself and stands. "Okay, buddy boy, you know the deal. Surprise when Momma got home and then…"

Henry wiggles down from Emily's lap, turning to grin at her. "Love you Momma!" he says. "Can't wait until tomorrow and it's closer to being a big brother."

Emily smiles through the twinge this sends up her spine. "I love you too, Henry. Sleep well, kiddo."

…

JJ returns to the living room about twenty minutes later, sitting down on the couch next to Emily and taking her hand.

"He went down okay?"

JJ smiles. "That's never the issue. Here's hoping he stays in his own bed."

Emily crosses her fingers. "Here's hoping."

"Em," JJ says after a moment. "Can we talk?"

Emily looks at their hands, linked between them. "Okay."

"You're not as," JJ bites her lip, and Emily knows it's in an attempt to remain calm, "you're not as happy as I thought you'd be," she says finally. "It can't possibly be a surprise. It's not like this was an accident."

Emily shakes her head. "I'm...It _is_ a surprise," she says finally. "I was not expecting the first time to work. It's so rare. I thought…I thought the second time. The third, definitely."

JJ looks stricken. "You didn't expect it to…or you didn't _want_ it to?"

Emily huffs. "Don't. You know I was as completely on board as you were about having another baby. I don't want Henry to be an only child. We're both getting a little older…"

"Then why are you treating this as a curse instead of a blessing?" JJ scoots closer to her on the couch, reaching out to take her hands. "Emily," she says, "the way you looked when you saw that little shirt. I thought you were going to bolt."

"I'd never walk out on you, Jen," Emily says it fiercely, a kneejerk reaction to the idea of being without her wife. "You know I'd never just…bail."

"I know," JJ says with a smile, and she leans forward to kiss the tip of Emily's nose. "You're in love with me. You're so in love with me that whatever terror you felt at the prospect of me having a baby, you shoved down so hard that you were able to produce a genuine happy response for our son."

"I _am_ hap-" Emily starts, but JJ shushes her.

"You're terrified," she says. "You might be happy on some level, Em, but your first reaction was terror. And you're wonderful, and sweet and still so damn worried that your fears will become mine that you shut that part of you down. But baby, you don't have to. This is _your_ baby I'm having. This is going to be _our _baby."

Emily shudders, and although JJ catches it and pulls her into her arms, she doesn't say anything. She just waits.

Technically, Emily has no secrets from JJ. Every difficult fact of her past was laid out for the blonde to see. But the emotional fall out is a different story. She's kept that part hidden, still.

From everyone.

"I don't know how to explain," she murmurs into the crook of JJ's elbow.

JJ kisses the top of her head. "You know, I've been where you are, I think."

"What?"

"I…I think I know what you're thinking, how you're feeling."

Emily presses herself closer to JJ, wanting to believe it. "Tell me," she says quietly.

"When I got pregnant when Henry…when I found out…I was so terrified."

Emily doesn't say anything. Tentatively, JJ brushes her hand through Emily's hair, and kisses the side of her head. Emily is usually the one who comforts. She's the one who runs her fingers through her wife's hair and whispers sweet words in the middle of the night. She's the one who catches after the nightmares.

But she has to admit that this role reversal feels really, really good.

"I wasn't in love with Will," JJ says. "I was in love with _you_, and I didn't know how to…I thought you'd hear about my pregnancy and it would push you even further away. I thought my chance with you was over."

Emily can't help herself. "You thought you had a chance with me?" she jokes.

JJ squeezes her. "I might not have been a profiler, but I saw the way you looked at me. Especially when I was pregnant."

"You were so sexy pregnant."

"I was so scared, Em," JJ whispers, and Emily pulls away so she can turn to face her. "I was scared and you were there for me. You let me show up to your door in the middle of the night. You let me hog the covers. You listened to every stupid, incoherent thing that came out of my head. You never once took advantage of me. You-"

"JJ, I would never take advantage of you. I-"

"Just listen to me, Em, okay?" JJ puts her hands on Emily's shoulders, calming. "I'm trying to tell you something."

Emily takes JJ's hands in her own so she can kiss them. "I'm sorry. Go on."

"There were some nights, when I would come over. You would let me sleep in bed with you. There was one night, in particular…Will had called earlier and was just…awful."

Emily remembers. She remembers JJ, nearly seven months pregnant, red eyed and hyperventilating on her doorstep. She remembers the way JJ had melted against her as they slid together under the covers, and the open, desperate way she'd mouthed at Emily's neck before falling asleep.

"You let me…_manhandle_ you for my own comfort. That wasn't fair."

"It was for my comfort too," Emily confesses. "If you'd chosen Reid or…Morgan to confide in, I would have gone crazy."

JJ's smile is fleeting. "So…let me be that person now," she says. "Let me be the one that catches your crazy. Whatever you're thinking about this baby, whether it's irrational or incoherent or completely enraging…just, let me in."

"You're the profiler now," Emily says with a smile. "Tell me what you think."

JJ bites her lip, she doesn't smile back. "I think it has to do with Rome," she says after a minute.

Emily's shoulders stiffen. She can't help it.

"You've told me about that time in your life. About how you were rebelling, about," she swallows. She's never said the word in front of Emily, not that the brunette can remember. "About the abortion." Her hands tighten in Emily's, like an apology. "But you never told me how it made you feel. You never told me how any of that stuff made you _feel_, Emmy."

Emily looks down into her lap.

"Do you know why?" she asks.

JJ leans forward. She has tears in her eyes, but her expression rebuffs any comfort that Emily might want to offer. "_Tell _me why," she says softly, firmly. "Don't tell me what happened, Em. Tell me _how _you felt. And tell me _why _it makes you so scared of this new baby. Please."

Emily closes her eyes. JJ puts her hand on her cheek.

"I wanted the ambassador to tell me that I could have done it." It's hard to get the words out. She feels JJ lean closer, to listen. "I didn't want her to tell me it was okay. I didn't want her to try to change my mind. I just wanted her to say…"

"That you could have been a mother," JJ says softly.

Emily nods. "She didn't. She took me aside, when she left Rome, and I finally found the courage to tell her what had happened. She told me," Emily falters, and JJ scoots closer, slipping her hands up and under her t-shirt. Emily focuses on the feel of her wife's hands on her skin. She takes a breath.

"She told me that it was probably for the best. She told me, she didn't see me as a maternal type. She said it was all well and good. 'Prentisses don't take well to mothering or being mothered.' That's a direct quote."

JJ shakes her head. "Oh, Em" JJ sounds completely distraught. "How can you think that? You're amazing with Henry. You're his Momma."

"And he's all _you_, Jen," Emily says, hearing her voice crack. "He came from you, and he's beautiful and great and totally…easy to love."

"This baby's going to be all of those things," JJ answers immediately, but Emily pulls away. She stands up, the energy of her nerves not allowing her to sit still.

"That baby is going to be a Prentiss," she says. "I thought that if I didn't carry, I wouldn't worry about…I wouldn't be afraid that I couldn't…"

JJ stands too. "Emily."

"The Murphys were two wonderful, loving, attentive parents and they still gave birth to a sociopath who ended up shoving model plane parts down his little brother's throat."

JJ blinks confusedly at this, trying to keep up. "And you think, what, you think your DNA will spawn a sociopath?"

"What if it does?" In the back of her mind, Emily knows she sounds irrational. She can't help herself.

JJ spreads her arms out. "As…some kind of punishment?"

"Or because what my mother said is true? Because Prentisses aren't…aren't loveable."

"I love you!" The way JJ says it is accusatory. "I love you so much that when you say things like that about yourself, I want to pull my heart out and show it to you, so that you'll know."

"Jen…"

"Come here."

"I…"

"_Come here_," JJ commands, and Emily doesn't have a choice. She lets JJ put her arms around her waist. They kiss. "Do you remember the night we kissed for the first time? When you got back from Stabler's wedding?"

Emily nods.

"Do you remember what I said to you?"

Another nod.

"Well this time, it's my fault too. I know how you are, and I should know by now that waiting for you to let yourself have something isn't going to work. You are the queen of self sacrifice, Emily Prentiss. It's not a habit I can break you of. I see that now. But I won't let you continue to practice it. Not with me."

"JJ, I don't understand what-"

"We're having your baby," she says firmly. "We're completing our family. We're in it. So talk to me. Tell me why you're scared. Tell me why you're happy. Tell me what you thought about breakfast this morning. Not what you had, Emily, what you _thought about it._"

Emily stares at her.

"Tell me what you are _thinking_. Start small. Start anywhere." JJ presses a kiss to her chin. "But start now."

And Emily tilts her head back, thinking. They stand like that for a long time, until finally Emily drops her head into the bend of JJ's neck, exhaling like she's been underwater for a long, long time.

"Yesterday," she says. "I saw a commercial that almost made me cry…."

…..

…..

_She gives in and makes the call when she is still an hour outside of DC, instructing her handsfree with a voice that will not hold steady._

_JJ picks up on the third ring, and Emily feels immediately calmer._

"_Hey you!" she sounds genuinely happy to hear from her. Emily misses her like she would a limb._

"_Hey," she replies, and then finds that she can't say anything else._

_JJ, it seems, has the opposite problem. "It's so good to hear your voice. Henry and I just came in from a run, we went all the way to the mall and back. It's such a nice day. And I was just thinking about you. I was thinking…" but she stops abruptly with a little intake of breath, possibly embarrassed._

"_Tell me," Emily says, smiling fondly at the road in front of her._

"_Well…you left last Sunday. I won't see you until Monday, which is two days from now. That's eight days." She pauses here, expectantly, and even though Emily thinks she knows where this conversation is going, even though her heart leaps with happiness, she doesn't answer. She can't take that chance._

"_I've come to the realization," JJ says, though she sounds a little bit more cautious, "that it's the longest we've gone without seeing each other since you joined the team."_

_Emily knows. That is the reason for her call._

"_Eight days," Emily says, and JJ cuts her off, sounding increasingly nervous._

"_Is that pathetic?" she asks, "God. It is, isn't it? I just meant that-"_

"_Jennifer," Emily likes it that calling her colleague by her full name always makes her stop short. "Do you want to know why I called?" She keeps her voice neutral, maybe even a little hard. She hears JJ take a breath._

"_Yes," she says quietly. "Yes, I'm sorry. What's up?"_

_Emily grips the wheel. "I've missed you," she says, rushing. "And that little cherub you call a son. It's been too long since I've seen you. Do you want to do something tonight?"_

_JJ, unlike Emily, does not waste any time. "How far away are you?" She asks as soon as the sentence has left Emily's mouth._

"_Forty five minutes," Emily says with a chuckle._

_JJ's answer is immediate again. "Come over," she says, and then, with a laugh. "Will you?"_

"_Yeah," Emily says. Everything seems brighter now. "Yeah. I'll see you soon."_

"_I can't wait," JJ says, and it sounds like her mouth has gotten closer to the receiver._

_.._

_Dinner is simple, just spaghetti and meatballs. Emily watches from the doorway as JJ cleans Henry in the sink, laughing when he gets red sauce in her hair. Henry looks up at her over his mother's shoulder and grins. "Mimi!" He says, out of nowhere. He giggles at her wide eyes. "Mimi!" he reaches for her._

"_What did he-?" Emily meets JJ's eyes. She is looking back, anxious._

"_He started saying that the other day," she says quickly. "I went to put him down for his nap and he wouldn't settle. Kept asking for 'mimi…' I thought he was asking for a stuffed animal or a blanket, but…"_

"_Mimi!" Henry says again, reaching over his mother again. "Mimi!"_

_Emily is lost for words._

"_I told him you were coming. He got so excited. I thought…you could put him down tonight?" JJ finishes drying Henry's hands and lifts him onto her hip. "Only if you want," she says, turning to face Emily._

"_I-I want to," she says. And JJ hands her son over, as though it is the most natural thing in the world. As though Emily is right where she is supposed to be. Henry snuggles against her, his downy head coming to rest on her shoulder. She turns away from JJ, more so that the other woman doesn't see the tears in her eyes, and heads towards Henry's bedroom._

_Inside, she lays him down in his crib, pulling a blanket up around him. He grasps her hand, but his eyes are already dropping shut._

"_I love you," she whispers, cognizant of the glowing monitor on the dresser. "I love you, Henry."_

"_Mimi," he murmurs, and his hand lets go of hers._

_She stands, just looking at him for a long time, until noise from the other room shakes her from her thoughts. She heads back into the kitchen and stops dead, staring._

_JJ is standing there, facing away from the door, towards the sink. She has taken off her shirt, and is dressed now in just her bra and her jeans._

_Emily stares at the black lace, at the pale smooth skin, the dip of JJ's back into her jeans. She stares so intensely that JJ must be able to feel her there, because she turns abruptly, coloring._

"_Henry's not the best hand washer," she says with a nervous chuckle, brandishing her wet t-shirt just as Emily lowers her eyes, sputtering._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't know you were changing. I…I'll be in the, in the, um," Emily starts to back up, but JJ advances. She is smiling. _

"_Em," JJ says, sounding calm. "Wait." She grabs Emily's wrist, holding her back. "__Wait,__"_

"_JJ," Emily is aware that she sounds as though she's in pain. She __is__ in pain. Her longing for JJ has reached a sort of fever pitch. Something about seeing Olivia with Alex…something about it had freed her. "Please," she says, without looking around. "I'll just be in the living room."_

"_No," JJ says forcefully, and she tugs at Emily's wrist until she can put the brunette's hand on her bare stomach._

"_God," Emily hisses._

"_I don't want to wait anymore," JJ says. "I __can't__ wait anymore, Em. Jesus. My one year old son knows you belong here." She presses Emily's hand harder against her skin. "Emmy. Please look at me."_

_Emily shakes her head. "I can't," she says, and there's nothing to tell her at this point except the truth. "If I keep looking at you…like that, I'll kiss you."_

_JJ laughs. "God, I hope so," she says. "It's the only thing I've wanted from the moment you pulled in the driveway."_

_So Emily turns, and presses her lips to JJ's. She backs her up against the fridge and kisses her and kisses her until the blonde is panting, hands tugging at Emily's shirt, tucked snugly into her waistline._

"_Be patient," Emily whispers, holding firmly to JJ's ribcage with both of her hands._

_JJ moans. "I've been patient for three years," she breathes._

_Emily laughs, and pulls her hands away so she can lift her own shirt over her head. JJ gasps, and bites her lip, her eyes wandering down the length of Emily's torso._

_It is so, so good to be home._

…

It is 2:30 in the morning when Emily's phone rings. She rolls over, disoriented, not used to her ring tone so early. Usually it is JJ who receives crack of dawn calls.

"Prentiss," she says groggily.

"Emily?" The voice is very familiar. Emily tries to cajole her sleep addled brain into functioning. "Emily," the voice says again, "it's Alex Cabot."

Now Emily sits up, panic jumpstarting her senses. "Alex. Are you okay? Is Liv okay? What's happened?"

Beside her, JJ sits up, awake as well. "Em?"

Alex draws a deep breath, like she's steadying herself, and isn't this every single nightmare she's ever had? Getting this call from Alex or Maura, her sister gunned down on the job. Hearing too late to do anything but weep.

"Alex? Is it Liv? Is she okay?"

JJ is already out of bed, pulling on her jeans.

"She's missing," Alex sobs. Her tears throw Emily more than the actual words. When was the last time the counselor lost control. "She's been taken."

"We're coming," Emily says, and as she pushes back the covers, JJ hands her her own pair of jeans.

In the background, Emily can hear Michael, Olivia and Alex's two year old start to wail. "I-I have to call Jane," Alex sounds so unlike herself that Emily is finding it hard to breathe.

"No you don't," she says. "JJ's calling her right now. You focus on your son, and staying safe until we get there. Alex?" She says because it seems as though the line might have gone dead.

But no, there she is, back on the line, hushing her son. "Sorry. I'm sorry I-"

"Alex, is anyone with you? Is anyone there?"

"Rollins just got here. Fin's on his way. I don't know where Olivia keeps Michaels spare pacifiers. I don't-" Emily looks at JJ, and her expression must deliver the message completely, because her wife takes her own cell phone away from her face and hands it to Emily.

"Switch," she says, before taking Emily's cell phone and pressing it to her ear.

"Alex?" she says softly. "Hang on, honey, okay? We'll be there. Stay on with me as long as you need. We're coming."

Emily watches JJ leave the room, heading to Henry's bedroom, and she listens to the ringing in her ear. She is startled when the sleep hoarse, but panicked voice of Jane Rizzoli rings out.

"JJ? What is it? Is Emily okay? JJ?"

"It's me, Jane," she says. "I'm fine."

"Jesus-" Jane starts, but Emily doesn't let her finish.

"Wake Maura though, okay?"

Jane's answer is a clipped, "What's happened?"

Emily sees JJ move past the open door, both their go bags over her shoulder, holding tight to Henry's hand.

"It's Liv," she says. "We've gotta go to New York."

* * *

…

…...

**Welcome to part II. 9 more chapters here and then we're done. And an epilogue...**

** I'm sorry this one is so long….I hope it didn't drag for you guys. **

**The case Emily mentions about the Murphys is 4x21 a Shade of Grey. I spoiled it for you, pretty badly, but it's still a great one, so check it out if you get a chance. **

**K. onward. **

**Happy reading **

**tc**


	11. II-II: Olivia

**This chapter follows Law &amp; Order: SVU 15x1 - Surrender Benson very closely. Trigger warning for abduction/sexual assault/dark themes. I encourage you to watch at least a little of that episode before reading this, though it is not necessary. **

* * *

**...**

"Hey. There she is. Big beautiful brown eyes. So beautiful."

Alex? Olivia's head is pounding. That voice doesn't sound like Alex. She goes to open her mouth and finds she can't. Tries to move her hands and finds them bound.

"Give me a smile. Still feeling woozy, huh?"

What is the last thing she can remember? Coming home. The door already open. She'd called out for her wife, thinking she hadn't left yet for dinner. Maybe the babysitter hadn't shut it all the way?

"That's alright," the voice says. She could place it if her head weren't pounding. Why is it _pounding_ like that?

"We've got time." Hands come to grasp either side of her shoulders, and the knowledge hits her square in the chest.

Lewis.

"Oh come on, don't be shy. We're past that."

Lewis in her apartment. Lewis, with duct tape and a taser and…what feels like the effect of a handful of sleeping pills.

Lewis. In control of her.

"You were so sweet when you were knocked out." He sets her up and comes around her side into her field of vision. He smiles at her, and she blinks, trying to unblur the edges of her vision.

He holds up a bottle of vodka. She would know that red border anywhere.

"Another drink?"

…

…

_Her mother will not get out of bed. Olivia pushes her bangs out of her eyes and tugs at the comforter again, managing to roll her mother's limp form over onto her side. "Mom," she says, fighting the panic that arises when her mother makes no reply. "Mom, c'mon, you've got to get up. Your job starts in 35 minutes, and you don't have enough money for a cab." _

_Serena Benson doesn't move. Olivia stands very still, until she is sure that her mother is indeed breathing, and it's not just a figment of her imagination. She bites her lip, trying not to get angry at herself for the wave of relief she feels at seeing her mother still breathing. This happens every other day. At least. She should not still be so easily swayed. _

"_Mom!" she says louder. "Get up!" _

_Serena grunts, but doesn't move. _

"_You can't be late," Olivia says, pulling harder on the comforter. "This is the best job you've had in a long time. You can't lose it." _

"_I wish he'd killed me," Serena says, her voice muffled by the pillow she's pulled over her face. _

"_What?" Olivia leans closer. _

_Serena pulls the pillow off her face, opening her bleary eyes to look at her daughter. Her face is puffy from drinking, and her mouth looks puckered, dehydrated. _

"_I said I wish he'd killed me," she says, over enunciating each word. "I wish that you weren't ever born. I'd rather have died than look at you, day after day." _

_Olivia blinks, shock wiping her mind completely blank. Serena slumps back a little. "Or I wish I'd killed us both. Just done away with the whole thing. I'd rather be dead, than be reminded." _

…

…

"Keep your eyes open," Lewis says, "Or she dies."

Olivia stands at the foot of the bed, trying to find a way that she can see nothing with her eyes open. She means to blink and her eyes stay closed. She cannot will them back open to the sight in front of her. The old woman. Her paper thin skin already bruising.

She doesn't see his backhand coming, but she doesn't really register the pain either.

"Look," he hisses into her ear. "Look or she dies. You want her to die?"

Does she?

Does Olivia want this stranger to die because she refused to watch the violation of her body?

Or does she want the woman to survive because of her, and have to live with the burden of knowing that if Olivia had just closed her eyes, if she had just disobeyed, she could have spared the old woman the greatest pain of her life.

"Do you want her death on your conscience?" he rephrases.

Olivia opens her eyes.

When he is finished. When the old woman has begged, and he has not heeded. When the old man in the front room finally stops breathing, head lolling onto his chest, Lewis drags Olivia back through the house towards the car.

"We're just getting started," he whispers in her ear.

She struggles against him. "Please, just let me see if she's breathing," she pleads. "Her throat feels raw. Her eyes are burning. If the woman is dead, if her last memory was Olivia's choice to subject her to this animal rather than let her slip into oblivion…

"Please," she says, aware her voice has risen, that it is hoarse and loud, ringing through the house. "Let me make sure she's okay."

Lewis grins. He _grins. _"Begging, Detective," she says, pulling open the front door of the house. "And I thought you weren't into me."

…

…

_Emily and Jane are the only people she tells, and even then she only does so at the last minute. It's not until later that she wonders if she'd held out so long in some form of self-sabotage. Some unconscious desire to suffer alone. _

_She tells Alex she'll be gone for the weekend, relieved when her girlfriend accepts her lie about work as the truth. She's never been dishonest with Alex before, and her hands tremble just the slightest bit. _

"_I'll miss you," Alex says in her straightforward way, as if this emotion was not only acceptable, but completely deserved and natural. "Will you see Jane? Tell her hello from me." _

_Yes. She would see Jane. And Emily. They both drop everything and come to her side, Jane looking older and hardened, Emily softer and more relaxed. It is not lost on Olivia that the car parked in the lot of the hotel is JJ's sporty little Audi. She is ready to tell Emily that her new girlfriend is not welcome at her mother's funeral, but when she and Jane pull up to the main doors to pick her up, the FBI agent is alone. She makes no mention of JJ's presence. Not one. _

_They put aside their respective reservations and come with her into the cathedral, sitting on either side of her in silence while she tries to think of something she wants to say. Eventually, Emily leans forward and pulls a bible out of the pew in front of her. She flips through it for a moment and then hands it to Olivia, who looks down at the passage where Emily's finger rests. _

"_Where, O death is your victory; Where, O death, is your sting?"*_

_Olivia blinks several times, and her vision eventually clears. Is this what mourning is? _

_Emily puts her hand on her knee, leaning forward to whisper in her ear. The three of them are alone in the great room, and so she is clearly audible in the silence. _

"_Whatever you feel is okay." _

…

…...

How much vodka has she had? How much does he plan to give her? When does the phrase _I will not die here_ become, _please don't let me die here._

He duct tapes her mouth, and she has to focus all of her drugged brain on breathing. She tries not to think of things that might make her cry because she cannot afford the congestion, but she cannot help but picture her son as she'd gotten him ready for school. She can't help but think of Alex.

Alex.

_Please don't let me die here._

Her head is fuzzy from the combination of sleeping pills and alcohol. She rarely drinks, and never to excess. She has no tolerance and Lewis knows that.

He knows everything about her.

…

…

_Emily lags behind on the walk to the grave, and Olivia doesn't recognize it as a deliberate move until Jane speaks. "The music was nice," she says. _

"_Judy Garland was Serena's favorite," Olivia says. "Isn't that odd?" _

_Jane shrugs. She is walking closer than she would normally, but she doesn't reach out to touch. Olivia is the first among the three of them to lose a parent. She is always going first, it seems. But she knows that Jane will be next. Her father's Cancer is back for what seems to be the final time. _

_When they get to the grave site, the coffin is already there, and the priest too. He smiles kindly at her, but she can't find the energy to smile back at him. She stares at the coffin, and then at the hole, perfectly rectangular. _

_The priest clears his throat. "Sleep on now," he says in a deep, melodic voice. "And take your rest-"**_

"_No," Jane cuts him off forcefully. Olivia snaps her head up to look at her, but Jane strides forward, snatching the book from his hands and rifling through it quickly. "Don't read that bullshit one," she says under her breath. "Read this." She shoves it back at him and then steps back into her place beside Olivia. _

_The priest looks between them, shocked, until Olivia nods curtly. He clears his throat again. _

"_He will wipe every tear from their eyes," the Priest begins, but falters, clearly unsure whether or not this passage is the one Jane meant. _

"_Read it," Jane says in her deep voice. And at another curt nod from Olivia, the man takes a breath and starts again. _

"_He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning, or crying, or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." _

_Olivia looks up at him, and then at Jane. That makes twice today that her best friends have manipulated the book that they profess to hate in order to comfort her. _

_Even if Jane were one for tearful thank you's and sappy confessions, Olivia would not be able to express what their understanding of this day has meant to her. _

_Jane shrugs again, and though most of her physical affection has been wrung from her by her father and her fear, she manages to reach out and grasp Olivia's arm, hard. _

"_Soon enough," she says lowly, "We will all bury our monsters." _

_Behind them, Emily makes a soft sound of agreement. _

…

…

How many hours has she been with William Lewis? How many more horrors will he force her to witness? It is night when she regains consciousness, and it takes her muddled senses a long, long moment to understand that she is on the floor in the back seat of a car.

She is going to be late to dinner with Alex. They're going to have to pay the sitter extra.

No. Olivia blinks, and the nightmare comes back to her, full force. It is a new night, after a new day, and she is still with her abductor. She does not know if Alex is still breathing, if she ever even made it to the restaurant, or if the sitter, coming home with her son even made it through the-

The overhead light of the car blinks on as someone opens the back door of the sedan. Lewis. He lifts her up and props her against the seat, smiling that calm, unhurried little smile. He looks at the tears running down her cheeks, but he does not comment on them.

"Thirsty?"

She is beyond resistance. Her throat is on fire. She manages to make her head move up and down. Yes.

He pulls the duct tape off her mouth and tips her head back. More vodka. She retches.

He seems unbothered.

Moving her mouth is like swimming through molasses. "Where smy famlee?"

He doesn't answer, though he's stopped smiling. "I think we're going to find it soon," he says.

"Find what?"

Lewis takes a bottle of water from the grocery bag he's returned with and unscrews the cap. He turns her head to the side so that she can watch as he pours the entirety onto the cement outside the car.

"Someplace special."

….

_Alex comes to the apartment. _

_Emily and Jane accompany Olivia to the basement apartment in the middle of Downtown Crossing, where mother lived for the last seventeen years of her life. _

"_The landlord said he'd give you to the end of next week to get anything you wanted," Emily says, her tone suggesting that they come back another day. _

"_I only need to the end of today," Olivia says, pulling the keyring out of her pocket. "I doubt there'll be anything I want in this dump." She moves towards the front door, dread building in the back of her throat, when all of a sudden, a voice behind her makes her whirl. _

"_Olivia," Alex says. "Livvie." _

_The three of them turn to see Alex Cabot stepping out of JJ's car. She's dressed in a black knee-length dress and a grey overcoat, and she looks sad and gorgeous. _

_Olivia's mouth falls open. _

…

So. Here is their special place. An abandoned house in a row of other abandoned houses. No one there to hear her scream, no one there to wonder at a strange car in the driveway. She can hear Lewis rummaging around in a side room, his cheerful voice floating back to her.

When was the last time he drugged her? She yanks at the metal bedframe that he's bound her to, and feels some of her strength returned. The blurry lights of delirium seem to have lessened in the corners of her eyes.

She pulls on the metal bar again.

It bends.

…

"_What are you doing here?" _

"_I called Amaro to ask him what time your train got back from the city, and he informed me that he was enjoying a long weekend with his family in Orlando." _

"_Damnit. Get your lie to lie. That's evasion 101." _

"_Emily and Jane sent me to voicemail. JJ picked up. I'm sorry I didn't make it down for the service." _

"_I'm not." _

"_You don't want me here?" _

"_Of course I don't."_

"_I…have to admit that I don't know how to respond to that. I expected an apology for underestimating me, not the continuation of it." _

"_Alex." _

"_Olivia. Enlighten me. You are my girlfriend. Your mother just passed away. How could you neglect to share that information with me?" _

"_Because you wouldn't get it." _

"…_You've told me your mother was not always in the right state of mind."_

"_Is that the wording I used? Is there a word that is more extreme than sugarcoating?" _

"_She drank." _

"_She was a raging alcoholic. She drank like a fish." _

"_She hit you." _

"_I wish." _

"_Olivia." _

"_I'm sorry. Don't let Jane hear me say that. No. She didn't hit me." _

"_I…wish you would have told me. She's your mother, and losing her is hard on you, that's clear. I wish you would have let me be there for you." _

"_You wouldn't know how." _

"_That's pretty unfair of you to say, Olivia, without even giving me the chance" _

"_You don't know me." _

"_The past year and a half says differently." _

"_You don't know __this__ me. You don't know __this__ kid. This kid who used to wake up every morning to…and wish that…you…you don't know anything about Boston." _

"_I'd like to." _

"_And I'd like to keep you. But we don't always get everything we want." _

…

"What's that look?" Lewis again, on the bed, crawling up beside her, and when she focuses on him he is almost blur free. She has lost all feeling in her hands, the bottoms of her feet are numb from the binding. But her biceps flex at her command.

She glares at him.

"Are you feeling sad? Thinking about someone you're never going to see again?"

…

"_You think I'll leave you? Now that I know the full measure of your past? You think that little of me?" _

"_No."_

"_No?" _

"_You don't know the full measure of my past. And if you did, I don't think it would make you leave me." _

"_Well, I am even more at a loss now than I was five minutes ago." _

"_I'm going to leave you." _

"_No. You're not." _

"_Alex. Just…trust me on this one, okay? I am not anything that deserves you." _

"_Liv-"_

"_Go home, Al." _

…

Lewis leers at her. "So who is it? What's got you looking like that? Is it Mom? Dad? Boyfriend?"

She doesn't answer. Just one slow blink.

Lewis seems disquieted for the first time in three days. "No, huh? Someone else? Someone who you would give anything to see just one more time." He reaches out to play his fingers over her face. "You're gonna cry his name out at some point. They always do."

Olivia pulls surreptitiously at the metal bar that holds her hands. It gives a little more.

Lewis leans closer. He does not look even slightly amused any longer. "Just try to put him out your mind okay? Because you're not gonna make it out of this alive."

…

_She banishes her best friends. She wants to be in the apartment alone. Emily asks if she is sure three times, and hesitates at the door, but eventually she climbs the short steps to the sidewalk and heads in the direction of the hotel. _

_Jane stays put, shaking her head obstinately until Olivia steps up and hugs her tight, waiting through the detective's automatic tense and relax before she speaks. _

"_I love you, Jane. I love you. Now get the hell out of here." _

"_I heard you tell Alex you're leaving her." _

_Olivia tries at a smile. "Eavesdropper." _

_Jane doesn't smile back. "She really…loves you, Liv," she says, only stuttering a little on the L word. "Remember when we never thought that would be possible?" _

_Olivia huffs. She pushes Jane gently towards the door. "Tonight," she says, appeasing. "The Robber. Okay?" _

_Jane squints. "Do you promise?" _

"_I promise." _

…

"Little girls, huh? Old ladies. What is it with you? Are you afraid of me?" She doesn't know where the words come from, but she can see when they hit their mark. "We've been together for four days. There's been a lot of talk, but there's not a lot of action."

Lewis tries to smile and is not completely successful. "It's comin' baby," he says, but she can see the tension in his face, the twitch of his lip.

She keeps pushing. This ends now.

"I wonder if you're not man enough to get it up for a real woman," she waits, and he doesn't answer, though his jaw has tightened significantly. "Just wondering," she whispers.

…

_Alex comes back. Olivia has not locked the front door behind Jane, and she's kneeling in the back bedroom, crying into a patchwork quilt when the counselor reappears._

"_Olivia," Alex sounds concerned. "Are you okay?" _

"_Go away," Olivia says through her tears. She can feel shame heating her cheeks. _

_But Alex doesn't leave. She crosses the little room and kneels down beside the detective, leaning close. "You deserve me," she says, and her hands push Olivia's hair out of her face, running a thumb along her cheekbone. "And I'm not leaving." _

"_Al-"_

"_No. The detective that could collar criminals in her sleep, and the kid who hoped every night that her mother would stop drinking or just kill herself and be done with it." Alex pulls Olivia's head to her shoulder. "All of those parts of you deserve me. Boston Olivia is just as special and beautiful to me as New York Liv is." _

_Olivia holds the quilt in her hands. "This-this quilt is the only good thing I can remember," she chokes out. "She got sober for like...two weeks. There was a thunder storm. We wrapped up in this quilt and just…watched movies and ate popcorn. I was seven or eight." Olivia sniffs. She shakes her head. "I don't know what I can offer you, Alex. When it's just you and me together, when we're in the City, I can pretend-"_

"_Hey." Alex tugs the quilt from Olivia's hands and gives it a shake, unfurling it. She wraps it around the brunette's shoulders. "There are parts of me that I don't think deserve you." _

_Olivia shakes her head. "That's-"_

"_It's the truth," Alex says firmly. "Many parts. They don't matter right now, because the only thing that matters at this moment is you." She tilts her heads so that she can look Olivia in the eyes. "Listen to me. I am head over heels in love with you. I've never comforted anyone before. I've never felt myself to be particularly adept at it." Alex pauses, and seems to be gathering herself. "But I want to try with you. I don't want Emily or Jane or Elliot Stabler to be the one who takes care of you while I wait on the side lines. __I__ want to be that person. And if you can trust me enough to let me try…then I will trust you enough to possibly fail." _

_And Olivia has not said it yet. She has been holding back and holding back, second guessing herself and talking herself down. But there can be no denying it now. _

"_I love you, Alex," she says, and she folds herself against the counselor's chest. And Alex kisses her hair and her temple. _

"_I'm here," she whispers. "And I always will be. And you deserve that kind of comfort."_

…

When she makes him mad enough, when he throws down his knife and reaches to unbuckle his pants, to make good on the threats of the last 86 hours; that is when she pulls down as hard as she can on the metal bar her hands are attached to.

She feels it give way, feels her numb fingers close around it, and she surges up. He throws himself backwards too, in surprise, but she doesn't wait. She brings the bar around hard against his temple and jaw, feeling the jolt of metal on flesh wring up into her elbows.

He reaches for the gun and she brings the bar down on his arm, and then again across his back, and she has been looking at this all wrong.

Her wife and her son deserve a mother that will return to them, just as she deserves a family that will always be there.

When William Lewis falls and struggles to get up, she drops the bar and picks up the gun from the bureau. She swings it around to face him, and he looks up at her, afraid for the first time.

"Now," she says hoarsely. "We will both get what we deserve."


	12. II-III: Jane

_JJ comes about half an hour before the ceremony. Jane looks up as she knocks softly on the door and pushes it open._

"_JJ?" Jane sits up straighter, feeling her palms start to sweat. "What is it? What's wrong?"_

_JJ smiles. She has some of the kindest eyes that Jane has ever seen. "Easy," she says lightly. "Nothing is wrong. I was just wondering if I could borrow-" her grin widens as Emily starts to stand. "Not you this time, my darling," she teases. "Olivia, can I borrow you for a moment?"_

_Olivia pushes her hair out of her eyes as she stands. "Sure."_

_Jane sits forward urgently, despite the way the hands of the man doing her hair try to pull her backwards. "JJ," she tries again. "Is it Maura? Is something wrong?"_

_Olivia puts a calming hand on her shoulder as she passes. "If something were wrong, Jane, she'd tell us. Calm down," she says._

"_It's true," JJ agrees. "But it's nice to see you rattled, Rizzoli."_

_Jane makes a face. "I'm not rattled."_

_This makes Emily laugh, though she pulls a straight face when Jane turns to look accusingly at her. "Of course you're not," she says. "Your hands just sweat like that all the time." She laughs harder as Jane goes to wipe her palms on her pants and then stops herself. "Good catch."_

"_Do you think Maura's having second thoughts?" Jane looks at the door where JJ and Olivia have disappeared. "If she is, I don't want Liv to try and make her."_

_This sobers Emily for real. "Olivia wouldn't do that," she says. "And neither would Maura."_

_Jane sits back and tries to let the stylist working on her hair do his job. If something was wrong, JJ would have said. If Maura was having second thoughts, worse if she'd split completely, JJ would have looked more worried. She would have asked to see everyone, not just Olivia._

_And why had she wanted Olivia and not Emily? Was it because Maura needed to be talked off a ledge and Emily's tone would've been too harsh?_

_Jane stands suddenly, and her stylist lets out a dismayed squawk._

_Emily simply raises an eyebrow. "Going somewhere?"_

"_Yeah, um, bathroom," Jane says without making eye contact._

"_Jane."_

"_I should go now, before the outfit, right?" Jane glances up, and then away. "I'll be right back."_

_She heads to the door and pulls it open, hesitating when Emily says her name._

"_She's still here. She's not going anywhere."_

_Jane rolls her eyes. Pretending to be annoyed is easier than admitting she simply has to check. "I'm just going to the bathroom, Em, I'll be right back."_

_Emily looks back down at her phone, smiling. "Suit yourself," she says._

_In the hallway, Jane tiptoes down the hall to the room where Maura is getting dressed. She can hear the chatter of their guests in the main room, and nerves wink on and off in her chest like fireflies trapped in a jar._

_If this were a hostage situation, or an abduction, she could overcome her fear and her doubts and tackle the situation head on. If she were up against an unknown suspect, a murderer, she would be able to stop her hands from shaking._

_But this is her wedding. She's getting married to Maura._

_And that means everything is different._

_Jane skirts the front room, and creeps closer to Maura's dressing room door, listening._

_The first thing she hears is Olivia, speaking softly. "It's okay to be scared," she says, "I threw up like...three times before I married Alex."_

_Maura makes a noise that might be a try at a chuckle. "Are you saying that to make me feel better?"_

"_No," Olivia responds easily. "Brushed my teeth so much, I thought they'd fall out."_

"_Logically I know it's natural to feel some nerves. I just can't help the feeling that…" She trails off here, and Jane resists the urge to burst in and embrace her._

_The silence stretches for a long time, and when Olivia speaks again, her voice has dropped lower, and Jane has to lean forward even more._

"_Can I tell you something?" _

"_Please," Maura says, her voice still heavy with the effort of holding back tears._

"_I've been where you are."_

_Jane can almost see Maura's nod in her mind's eye. "Yes," she says. "With Alex. You've-"_

"_Not with Alex," Olivia says quickly. "With Jane." There is a little pause, and then Olivia rushes to continue, as if to explain away an assumption. "I don't mean in a wedding dress waiting to marry her," she says with a little chuckle. "I mean. I've felt how you're feeling. I've felt what it feels like to be in love with Jane Rizzoli."_

_There is silence within the room for a long time, and Jane stares at the door as though she could see through it. On some level, she knew. They used to know everything about each other, growing up together. But they never talked about this._

"_There was this one time," Olivia says, "when I got hurt."_

"_The basement of that prison?" Maura asks, and just the mention of it is enough to cause a shudder of fear run up Jane's spine._

"_No," Olivia says. "Another time. I got shot. Just a graze really. Fell and hit my head on the curb. That was the real injury. Jane had just left the city for Boston. She was determined to make it on her own. She started in narcotics."_

"_Yes," Maura says, and even without seeing her, Jane can tell she's smiling. "I remember reading about the bust that got her promoted._

"_Right, but before that...I mean, don't get me wrong, Jane is one of the toughest people I've ever met, and she can get by on her own. But...she's…" Olivia trails off, seemingly lost for words. And Jane almost misses Maura's response, it is so quiet._

"_I know," she says._

"_I remember waking up in the hospital. Emily and Jane are both there, both standing at the foot of my bed. Emily is facing the door, her arms crossed over her chest. That's the way she gets...when something's bothering her, or she's scared. Stressed. She closes up, like a clam."_

"_That's not familiar," Maura says, and Olivia chuckles._

"_Yeah, sort of like Jane, except...Jane is," Olivia pauses and Jane leans closer to the door, hardly able to breathe. "It's hard to explain," Olivia finally says. "Here's what I remember. I wake up. Emily is dealing with pain the way she does: compartmentalizing until it's over and she can find somewhere to break down. And there's Jane. And the look on her face so clearly says that she needs someone. Really needs someone, and..." Olivia cuts off abruptly. "Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry."_

"_No!" Maura says quickly. "No, it's not you, I just…I know that look. I know what you're talking about and I wish so desperately that I could help-"_

"_But you do!" Olivia interrupts. "You're the one who can ease that expression. The only one, Dr. Isles."_

"_Maura, please. Your wife is my bridesmaid. Call me Maura."_

"_What we do," Olivia continues, "is dangerous. It's hard to have a spouse in the field we're in. It's worse when you've got two sisters as reckless and heroically daring as Emily and I are."_

_This makes Maura laugh. "I agree with the heroic part," she says. "May I ask you something?"_

"_You can ask me anything."_

"_Why aren't you with Jane? Why didn't you two ever…" she trails off, and Jane reaches up to pull her hand through her hair before catching herself and shoving both into her pockets._

"_Remember when Frankie got caught in that shootout on the Southside?" Maura must nod. "His partner goes down, and he climbs into the bus with her, to ride with her. But all that comes over the radio is Officer Rizzoli's in a bus."_

"_I remember," Maura says. "Jane was wild. I thought we'd die getting to the hospital."_

"_Tell me."_

"_She nearly broke the sound barrier. She almost shot the paramedic who gave the wrong notification..."_

"_And then?"_

_Maura hesitates a moment more, and Jane loves her so fiercely at that moment that she almost starts to shake. "She…cried," Maura says finally. "I drove us home, and she told me about this time she and Frankie made this, oh, what did she call it? An 'epic' pillow fort. And then she started to cry."_

"_And you stayed with her."_

"_Of course I stayed. I was in love with her, even then, I didn't want her to be alone. Even if nothing had really happened."_

"_Do you know that Emily and I heard about that almost three days later?"_

"_Oh. I'm s-"_

"_When we were kids, she used to wait until after the beatings to call me."_

"_She…" Maura seems to be struggling to catch up._

"_She waited until it was over. She never wanted me to see her like that. She wanted us to think she couldn't break, that she was never hurt, or weak." Olivia pauses for a moment. "I wanted so badly to be there for her. As a kid, as a teenager. I wanted to fight her father. When he found her with her first girlfriend. What he did. I wanted to kick his dick up inside his body. God. I wanted to pick her up and carry her out of that house. I wanted her to ask me to stay with her in the hospital."_

_They are silent, and Jane knows that, just like her, they are both thinking of the time Jane asked Maura to stay the night with her the last time Boston General admitted her._

"_I'm sor-"_

"_Don't," Olivia says quickly. "Don't you dare, because more than that I just wanted her to stop feeling so alone." Olivia makes a noise, like she's dissatisfied. "Not alone, alone. Just…what I have with Alex. I wanted her to…have someone she could melt into. And when I saw her with you, when I saw the way she could act around you – no – the way she could stop acting around you…I could just…let go."_

_Maura doesn't answer, but after a couple of seconds, it is clear that she's crying._

"_Oh, no, I'm…Maura…"Olivia sounds flustered. "You're going to have to redo your make-up because of me."_

"_I never knew what I was missing."_

"_Excuse me?"_

_Maura sucks in a breath. "I used to tell myself that families were not all they were cracked up to be. I used to tell myself that…many perfectly successful people did not have ideal home lives. That it didn't matter. I was looking at it all wrong."_

"_I don't follow."_

"_You, and Jane, and Emily. You made yourselves a family. Despite what blood gave you. You went out and you made something, instead of walling yourself off from it."_

"_Do you love her?" Olivia asks this like she already knows the answer, but Maura responds immediately, without hesitation._

"_So much that sometimes I think people who pass me on the street must be able to discern her name just from looking at me."_

"_So then let me tell you the answer to the question you are too afraid to ask."_

"_Please."_

"_You are enough for her. You are strong enough to hold all the love there is between you. I've seen it. I wouldn't tell you it was there if it wasn't."_

"_God."_

"_She is wonderful, and infuriating, and heroically reckless…or whatever it is I said earlier."_

_Maura laughs. Olivia doesn't._

"_She was made for you, Maura. If you look at me and Alex, or Emily and JJ, and you wonder if we see the same thing when we're looking at the two of you…we do."_

_Jane nearly jumps out of her skin as a hand closes around her upper arm._

"_Come on, Hero," Emily says gently. "You're getting married in twelve minutes. That's enough eavesdropping for now."_

…

…

They beat Emily and JJ to New York.

They take the cruiser, and Jane uses her siren, silently daring anyone to pull her over and question the nature of her emergency. Maura talks briefly on her cellphone, first to JJ, and then to Alex, and then she puts her hand over Jane's between them, and doesn't move it for the rest of the ride.

Maura has thought of toll booths.

She has brought bottled water.

Three hours into the trip, she pulls a granola bar out of the bag she'd packed when Jane wasn't looking. "I know you're not hungry," she says, unwrapping it.

Jane takes it without an argument. "If you need to stop," she begins, but Maura shakes her head swiftly, bringing Jane's hand up to her lips.

"As fast as you dare," she murmurs to Jane's knuckles.

She doesn't ask what Jane is thinking about.

She doesn't speak again until they are pulling up in front of the precinct, Jane scanning the front steps once, and then again, before realizing that she is looking for Olivia.

Olivia won't be there.

"Emily &amp; JJ met traffic. They're still ten minutes out."

Jane kills the engine, but doesn't move. She has been replaying Olivia in her head for the entirety of the five hour drive, conjuring her best friend up in her mind; first a short haired, dirty kneed pre-teen just like her, and then a pretty, quiet teenager who always thought everything through. And now a detective. A mother and a wife.

Missing.

"Jane," Maura says gently.

"There's so much I didn't say to her. I had like, a million chances, and I didn't say anything."

"Your chances to speak are not over," Maura says. "She's going to come back."

"God. Alex," Jane begins.

"We're here. We said we'd come and we're here."

Jane shakes her head. When Maura puts her hand on the back of her neck, she shivers. "What do I do?" she whispers. She wants Olivia to answer her, like she always does, to guide her without guiding her. "What should I do."

Maura, it seems, is a mind reader. She reaches out and pulls the keys from the ignition. "First," she says authoritatively. "You have to get out of the car."

…

…...

_Brunch the day after the wedding is quiet. Most of the guests have already checked out of their hotels._

_Jane wanders down to the buffet room alone, intent on grabbing some coffee and bringing it back to her wife._

_Her wife._

_She smiles at the carpet as she walk along. She's married, and her wife is upstairs, refusing to get out of bed, hair tousled and sleepy little smile pulling at her lips._

"_I know that look." Olivia's voice makes her look up. The other woman is walking towards her, looking like she just woke up herself._

_Jane smiles sheepishly. "She's my wife," she says quietly._

_Olivia beams at her. "It was a really beautiful ceremony, Jane. Who knew you had so many mushy thoughts inside your brain."_

_Jane flushes, but doesn't deny it. She'd spent a long time on her vows, perfecting them. She'd wanted them to mean something._

"_You getting coffee for Al?"_

"_Yes, though she would prefer I go out and find some freshly poured tar."_

_Jane laughs, and they head into the dining room. A couple of people wave, and some call out to her, but no one calls her over. She's relieved. As fun as the reception had been last night, now she just wants to share a cup of coffee with her best friend. _

"_Thanks for being my Best Man," she says as they pour. _

_Olivia glares at her out of the corner of her eye. "Best Man?" _

_Jane smiles. "Maid of Honor?" _

_Olivia grimaces. "Best Maid? No, that's worse. God...all these terms are so antiquated. We need to come up with something better." _

"_I'll get on it for my second marriage," Jane jokes, but this doesn't make Olivia laugh. She looks at Jane oddly for a second, and then takes a sip of her coffee._

"_Sit with me?" she asks. "Just for a sec?" _

"_Sure," Jane answers, following Olivia to a table, "but if you're going to tell me about how a baby is made...you're too late." _

_Olivia grins at this. "I knew you'd figure it out," she says with a nudge that makes Jane flush. _

"_Fast learner," she mumbles, and they drink, and sit, and Jane is just starting to think that she hasn't ever felt this content in her life, when Olivia speaks again. _

"_So, are you going to ask me?"_

_Jane takes a sip of her coffee. "Ask you what?"_

_Olivia narrows her eyes. "About what happened when I went with JJ?"_

_Jane shrugs. "Maura married me," she says. "So it's not important, is it?"_

_She pretends not to notice as Olivia stares at the side of her face, clearly trying to decide if Maura told her about their conversation, or if Jane listened in._

"_I…guess not," Olivia says after a moment, though her eyes stay narrowed a bit longer. "I guess it doesn't matter."_

_They sit in comfortable silence, sipping coffee, until it seems that Olivia can't contain herself any longer. "Listen, Jane, I want to tell you something."_

_Jane puts her coffee cup down slowly. "Okay," she says, not looking up._

"_Can you look at me?"_

_Jane looks up, into Olivia's face, and she can read everything she wants to say, right there in her eyes._

"_I just…" Olivia glances away and then back, resolute. "I need you to know how proud I am of you. You looked so happy, and so beautiful last night. And all of your other friends, and your mom and brothers, they might have looked at you like, 'shit, she's growing up,' but Em and I saw so much more than that. I just want you to know that I love you. I love you so much and I…you could catch thirteen hundred more serial killers and become the most decorated detective in all of history, but I still wouldn't be prouder than I was watching you marry the woman you love."_

_Oh._

_Jane looks down at her coffee, blinking very fast. She had not known that this was what she needed to hear from her best friend. She reaches out her hand, palm up, and Olivia takes it at once. _

"_Trust her, Jane, okay? Just...promise you'll trust her." _

_Jane wants to say something, wants to reply, so that Olivia knows she's been heard, that this means the world, but she can only nod her head jerkily until the other woman laughs, leaning forward to kiss her cheek._

"_Okay, okay," she says, still laughing. "New subject. I didn't want to take away from your spotlight last night, but Alex and I don't think we should leave without telling you."_

_Jane looks up, the change in topic clearing her tears. "What is it?"_

"_Well," Olivia says, sly smile curling her lip. "It involves the words 'bunting,' and 'Godmother,'" she grins bigger as Jane leaps to her feet, eyes wide. "Do you want to guess?" _

Michael falls asleep in Jane's arms less than half an hour after she picks him up. When Alex looks around at them, she feels a heavy mixture of pride and guilt that she can't quite explain. Michael had run towards her when she and Maura had entered the bullpen. He hadn't wanted to hug Maura hello, or go back to his mother. Even his favorite Aunt Emily, arriving fifteen minutes later, tall in her high heeled boots, could not coax him from Jane's arms.

"It's okay, Mikey. We'll just go sit over here, okay?"

A sleepy nod was all she'd gotten in return.

Now, Maura finds them on a bench in the hall and she sits down as close to Jane as possible, reaching to push some of the toddler's curls from his face.

"Do you think he just knows I miss her the same way he does?" she asks quietly. She can feel Maura look up into her face, but she can't make herself look around. She leans forward, like she might kiss Jane's cheek, but then she speaks, softly, so that they are the only ones who can hear.

"She's going to make it."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"You can't possibly," Jane's voice rises, and she fights it back under control with almost all of what is left of her willpower. "Fucking SVU. Why did it have to be SVU?"

Maura only hesitates for a nanosecond before replying. "Statistically, Jane, you have the most dangerous job of the three of you."

Jane shakes her head. "I'm not worried she's going to die," she says through gritted teeth. "I'm not worried he's going to kill her. I'm worried that he's going to…" but she can't continue, not without waking the little boy in her arms, and she wants to let him sleep.

Maura puts her hand on Jane's knee and squeezes, just hard enough. Just this side of pain. "I know," she whispers. "It's going to be okay."

"I thought you couldn't lie."

"Exactly," fierce. "That should tell you something."

Jane looks away, towards where Emily and JJ stand with Olivia's boss, Don Cragen. Until they have a lead. Until they know where Lewis might have taken her, there is nothing to do. Nowhere to go.  
Jane hates being inactive. It makes her feel angrier. It makes her feel helpless. She is exhausted, but not willing to admit it. Terrified, and not willing to admit it.

She looks down at Michael, thumb in his mouth, brow smooth. "This is her _son_," she says. She looks up from the little boy in time to see JJ and Maura exchange a look. "What was that?" she asks, starting to stand. "Maura?"

Maura puts a steadying hand on her shoulder. "I don't know," she says calmly. "I'm going to talk to Jennifer, and if it's time for action, Jane, then we'll wake him."

Jane is still working on standing up. "No," she says. "Just let me-"

But Maura is firm. She stands and puts both hands on Jane's shoulders, and Jane looks up into her face, ready to be furious.

"Sweetheart," Maura says, "let your godson sleep just a bit longer. Trust me, okay?"

"Maura."

"Trust me."

Jane can feel her eyes filling up with tears. Even if she tried, this time she wouldn't be able to hold them back. "She's been one of my best friends longer than anyone in the whole world," she whispers. "She's...she was my Best Man."

"I know," Maura says gently. "I know, darling. And you'll find her. You and Emily."

"What if he's hurt her, Maura? What if he's-"

"Then we'll do what it takes to help her heal," Maura says resolutely. "Anything it takes for our family, right?"

"Maura," JJ calls, just loud enough for her voice to carry. "When you have a minute?"

And Maura stands, and after a nod from Jane, crosses the room to stand next to Emily.

Jane presses her lips against Michael's forehead.

"We're going to get your mom back," she whispers. Already the ripping she'd felt at losing Olivia was starting to turn in white hot fury. "We'll get her back," she repeats. "I promise.


	13. II-IV: Emily

_Emily flies back to Boston from London, spending almost six thousand dollars of her mother's money in order to get there as fast as possible. _

_Her flight out of Heathrow leaves at 6:20, and bumps down at Logan just as the clock hits 8:55. It does not feel fast enough, the complications of moving forward and backwards in time at the same moment._

_For the first time in her life, she is grateful to have a deep reserve of wealth to draw upon, and the habit of light packing to fall back on. There is a car waiting for her outside of baggage claim, which she skips. The air between the airport and the car is heavy with late August humidity, and though it is 9:15pm, the sky still holds traces of light._

"_Where to, ma'am?" her driver says, glancing in the rearview mirror. _

_They are about the same age, Emily thinks, but she doesn't bother correcting the woman. "Mass General," she says. "As quickly as you can." _

_The driver smirks. "Legal quick or illegal quick?" she asks, possibly flirting, like she already knows the answer. Any other time, Emily would sleep with this woman. The arch of her eye-brow and her cocky attitude would present Emily with an enjoyable challenge. _

_Tonight, she is not in the mood, and she flashes her credentials sharply enough to make the wallet holding them snap. _

"_There is no such thing as illegal quickly with me in the car. Got it?" _

_The driver's eyes go wide in shock and embarrassment. She had been flirting. "Yes, ma'am," she says, pulling away from the curb. "As fast as I can." _

_Emily leans back in the seat and closes her eyes, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself by listening to the familiar traffic pattern of her childhood home. But Olivia's voice keeps breaking through her usually ordered thoughts. _

"_She and this other recruit, Dani Beck, they were together in her room. Frank…He… just come home Emily. Please, please come home. I need help."_

_I need help. It was that sentence that had driven Emily to book the flight and leave for the airport before calling Olivia back. Jane is 19, and has not been her father's victim for some time, not since her youngest brother moved in permanently with their mother. But the disjointed message from her best friend had made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. _

_She'd called from the car on the way to Heathrow Airport, and Olivia picked up on the second ring. _

"_It's Jane." _

"_Tell me. I'm on my way to the airport right now." _

"_Frank caught her in bed with another woman. He beat her. He…I think he…She protected Dani. Wouldn't let him touch her, but he beat her so badly…I…I got there just as they were putting her in the ambulance. She was unconscious, Em. Her face…" _

_Emily put her hand over the receiver of her cell phone then, and told the driver that if he stopped at a single red light, she would suffocate him with his own jacket. _

_Now, on the other side of the ocean, her new driver does not have the same respect for rules that her London driver had. She squeezes every light she can, and the car horn gets a true work out as they weave in and out of traffic. _

_They make it from Logan to Mass General in ten minutes flat. Emily notices that the woman leans back in the driver's seat after putting the car in park, her chest heaving, wide smile on her face._

"_If you want a job for my stay in Boston, you've got one," Emily says, opening the door on the awful August humidity. _

_The woman rolls her window down. "How much?" _

"_Name it," Emily says. _

"_One hundred," her driver says. "A day." _

_Emily had honestly expected triple that. She nods. "Fine. And I'll fill your gas tank before I go. My name's Emily. Wait for me here, will you?" _

"_Y-yeah…sure!" the driver says. "I'm Sarah." _

_But Emily has already turned away, is already through the automatic doors of the hospital, phone pressed to her ear, waiting for Olivia to pick up. _

…..

They find Olivia.

Fin is the one who takes the call on the tip line that says a car matching the description has been parked outside an abandoned house upstate for almost the entire day.

Emily opens her mouth, but next to her, Jane is already speaking. Her voice is low and authoritative, and it catches Emily off guard.

"Captain Cragen, I'd like to go with Rollins and Fin, sir." The 'sir' seems like a courtesy. Her request is only a formality.

It is clear to everyone in the room that she will be there to help rescue Olivia no matter what.

Emily watches the Captain consider her. She can tell that he has realized that Jane has no intention of staying behind.

"Rollins will take you in her car," he says. "Fin, let the local PD know that we have a team on the way, and that includes-" he looks around at them all, "two FBI agents and A BPD Detective. They have the same authority as NYPD in this case."

Jane nods, but she doesn't say thank you.

By her side, JJ puts a hand on her arm. "Our vests are in the trunk," she says quietly.

And that is when it dawns on Emily that they might be heading into a shootout. That is when she realizes that Olivia, _her _sweet, funny, mother Olivia, could already be dead. Could already have been…

"Emily," Jane is standing next to her, with her intense stare and her angled jaw, and this is the moment for Emily to tell her that everything will be okay. This is when Emily pulls herself together and is strong for both of them in the face of devastation.

She opens her mouth, and finds that no words come out.

Jane blinks at her, and her expression hardens further.

"We'll get her," she says fiercely. "We'll get her back."

Her tone leaves no room for disagreement, and Emily nods, feeling some of her strength returned to her.

Rollins calls Jane from across the room, shrugging her jacket on, and Emily watches as Jane turns away, steps over to Maura to kiss her, and to put her hand on Michael's forehead.

"Rollins," Emily hears her say on the way out of the pen. "How fast can you drive that cruiser?"

…

_Dani Beck is a skinny, blonde teenager who could pass for a 14 year old without makeup on. Her face is tearstained. She has a split lip and a cut that dissects her left eyebrow, but seems otherwise unharmed. She sits next to Olivia in the waiting room, and recounts the story to Emily in a voice that still shakes with emotion, even though Emily imagines this is the fourth or fifth time she's had to repeat it. _

"_We g-got carried away," she says. "I was naked when Frank burst in. Jane was only, um, in h-her underwear. He-he grabbed her by the hair. Told her that someone from his office had seen us kissing in front of the building." She sniffs, and Olivia puts her hand on the girl's shoulder. _

"_He told her he was going to put the fear of god into her," Dani says, tearing up again. "She was screaming so loud. He locked the door. I couldn't get in. I'm-I'm so sorry, Olivia," She breaks down, hiding her hands in her face. _

_Emily looks up at Olivia, whose eyes have teared up as well. _

"_It's not your fault," Emily says, though the words sound hollow even to her own ears. "It's not your fault, Dani." _

"_She was screaming," Dani whispers through her hands. "She broke her finger three weeks ago, on the speed bag, and she didn't even cry." _

_Olivia looks away, biting her lip to keep from making noise. _

_Emily reaches out to put her hand on Dani's knee. "It's going to be okay," she says. It is the first time she has to force the lie out of her mouth. _

_Olivia jerks her head around to look at Emily at the tone. She has heard and understood the tone as well. _

_Dani, at least, is oblivious. She continues to cry into her hands, and after a moment Emily stands up, gesturing discreetly to Olivia that they have to talk in private. _

_The other woman is able to meet her down the hall by the vending machines a short while later. She looks scared. _

_Emily wants to take her hand, but she restrains herself. "Where the fuck is Angela?" she growls instead. _

_Olivia lets out a long breath. "I don't know," she says. "I called her twice." _

_Emily tries to focus only on the rage that this statement evokes, and not the underlying sadness. "Dani's really shaken," Olivia says. _

_Emily manages not to scoff with difficulty. It isn't the kid's fault that this happened. It isn't her fault that Frank only had eyes for Jane. _

_Olivia seems to know what she's thinking. "Dani is the first girl Jane's really," her voice catches here, but she clears her throat. "She's the first girlfriend Jane's had." _

_Emily nods. "Did she say anything about what he did?" _

"_No," Olivia looks at her guiltily, "I didn't ask though. I couldn't without you." _

_Olivia has always had an easy way of confessing what she saw as her shortcomings. Emily and Jane were never very good at showing their weaknesses. _

"_Olivia?" Dani has come to the end of the hall. "The doctor wants to talk to you." _

_And Olivia lifts her wide brown eyes to Emily's face, terrified. _

_And as always, this leaves Emily no choice but to be brave. She reaches out and takes Olivia's hand in hers. "C'mon," she says. "I'm here now." _

…

…

Jane comes to stand next to Emily in the waiting room. She has a smudge of blood still on her cheekbone, but Emily decides not to say anything.

She had been the first to enter the abandoned house where they thought Lewis was holding Olivia, Rollins close on her heels.

Emily and JJ had hesitated, both waiting for the sound of a gunshot.

It hadn't come.

Rollins had reappeared almost immediately, waving at the ambulance to pull forward, signaling to the EMTs that they needed two stretchers.

And then Jane was there, supporting Olivia almost enough to be carrying her, her mouth close to the wounded woman's ear, speaking softly.

The EMTs had had to go in to get Lewis. As the stretcher passed by, Emily had thought he looked mangled. Like a man not long for this world.

"He's alive," Jane says now, brusquely. "Just barely, but he's breathing."

Emily puts her hands in her pockets, looking towards the swinging doors that admitted Olivia a little over twenty minutes ago. "Will he pull through?"

"Maura says she thinks he will, if he's made it this far."

Neither one of them acknowledge that the emotions that accompany this news are disgust and disappointment. Emily doesn't see Jane move next to her, and so when the detective puts a hand on her shoulder, she almost jumps out of her skin. She turns and stares into Jane's face, knowing she must look almost comically surprised.

When was the last time Jane Rizzoli initiated physical contact with her. She accepted it, willingly and as frequently as Emily offered, but _this_ is new.

"Em?" Jane is looking at her quizzically, maybe a little hopefully. And to her astonishment, she steps forward and puts her arms around Emily's shoulders, pulling her into a hug. It is awkward for a split second, before Emily can restart her brain enough to hug back, and then it is the most comforted that she has felt in a long time.

She squeezes Jane around the middle, and feels tears on her cheeks.

"Jane," she says, through her tears. "Jane."

They are the same height now, and under her hands, Jane feels strong and solid and capable of holding her through this storm.

"She's going to be okay," Jane says, her voice thick. "She's going to be okay. We'll all help."

Emily nods, because there is a reassuring note in Jane's voice that she hasn't heard before. When did she become this adult? The woman who was strong enough to watch her best friend be wheeled half-conscious into a hospital, and still had hands gentle enough for her Godson to fall asleep in.

When had Jane grown up?

JJ and Alex burst through the door behind them, followed by Maura, Michael in her arms and Henry by her side. When JJ sees Emily in Jane's arms, her face breaks open with terror.

Alex seems to have drawn the same conclusion. She stops dead, her hand going to her mouth, wide blue eyes spilling over with tears.

Emily sees the counselor's mouth move over Olivia's name, though no sound comes out. She pulls away from Jane and strides over to the pair.

"No," she says quickly, reaching out to support Alex, because it seems like she's going to fall over.

"No, she's okay. She was awake in the ambulance, Alex. She's okay."

And Alex grips Emily by her bullet proof vest and cries against her chest. She sobs.

"Did you hear me?" Emily asks gently, her arms coming up around Alex automatically. "Did you hear me, Alex? She's okay."

Alex nods against Emily, still crying hard. "Thank you," she murmurs. "Thank you."

Emily does not say that she is not the one to thank, because it is not about her. She holds Alex and lets her cry.

Jane takes Michael from Maura, and he snuggles against her like it's second nature. "Mommy?" he asks worriedly.

"She's okay," Jane says. "She's happy because Momma's coming home soon."

Michael perks up. "Momma?" he looks around. "Here?"

"Yes," Jane says. "She's resting, and a doctor is looking at her so she feels better, and when she wakes up, you guys will go home."

Michael accepts this, putting his head down on Jane's shoulder, and Emily is struck by the calm, direct way that Jane speaks to her godson. She doesn't speak in baby talk, the way many people would to a toddler, and she doesn't lie.

Michael seems to sense her honesty, and he trusts her for it. He is the ADA in miniature, with her bright blue eyes and white blonde hair. He already has her ability to coolly appraise a situation, and though he rarely tantrums, he has a steely glare that Emily thinks would make even Hotchner shiver a little.

"I need to see her," Alex says hoarsely. Emily can't remember ever seeing the counselor dressed as haphazardly. She didn't know that it was possible for her to get paler than she usually is.

"You'll see her," Jane says. "They just need to make sure she's stable."

"What was it like?" Alex turns to Jane, and it seems that even the presence of her son cannot keep her from asking. "What did it look like in there? What did he do to her?" Alex's eyes roam over Jane's face, as though she could find the answer there before Jane speaks it.

It's JJ who intervenes this time, taking Alex's arm and pulling her back a step. "You don't need to know the answer to those things right now, Al," she says softly. "Let's just wait until the doctor comes out, okay?"

Alex's hands are shaking. She puts one to her mouth, as if to cover a sneeze. "Liv," she says. And then, following a train of thought that seems to have jumped several tracks. "I have to take care of Michael."

"That's why we're here," Jane says. "To help you. You don't have to do anything at all, okay? I'm not going anywhere." She uses the hand that isn't holding to Michael to gesture around at Maura, JJ, and Emily, all standing there. "This is your family, Alex. We're here for you."

Have they all felt such displacement? Emily wonders. When Alex looks at her, she nods, knowing there is nothing she can do about the ferocity in her face, but hoping that the attorney will understand.

No one has a chance to speak again, however, because the doctor appears at that moment, and they all turn to face him.

"Alexandra?" He asks, and Emily sees Alex steady herself and step forward.  
"Can we speak over here for a moment?" The doctor asks. Jane moves forward, like she wants to protest, but Emily holds her back. She knows that the privacy means possible sexual violence, and Olivia deserves the right to decide who knows what.

"Where's Mommy go?" Michael asks, watching Alex walk away with the doctor.

"She's going to visit Momma and make sure she's comfortable before we can all see her."

"Then Mikey sees her?"

Jane blinks, considering. "Yes, if it's not too late and she's not sleeping," she says carefully. "But tomorrow definitely if not today, okay, my love?"

Michael smiles, settling back down.

_My love_. It is what Olivia calls her son when she's putting him to bed, and Emily knows that Jane used the term deliberately, in order to make him feel more comfortable.

Henry &amp; JJ come up beside her and JJ slips an arm around her waist. She gives Emily a look that clearly says she understands everything Emily is thinking in that moment.

They watch as Maura reaches into her purse and pulls out her tablet. She tips it to show Michael something brightly colored, and no doubt educational, on the screen.

"Mama?" Henry looks up at her. "Is Auntie Liv okay?"

She ruffles his hair, glad that she can tell him the truth.

"Yeah, Hen," she says. "We're all okay."

…

…

_Jane's face is a travesty. When they push through the door to her room, she turns to face them, and although neither Olivia nor Emily make any noise at the sight, Olivia is not able to keep the fleeting look of horror off her face. _

_Jane looks away from them quickly, like she's ashamed, and Emily struck with the strongest wave of homicidal desire she has ever felt in her life. _

_Olivia steps forward. She is always the first one to approach Jane first, she is always the one that gets the brunette to open up. _

"_Jane," she begins, like always. _

_But this time, Jane doesn't even make any sign that she's heard. She sits on the edge of her bed, facing away. She's dressed in a long, cotton t-shirt that falls down to her calves. As she always does, Emily catalogues the injuries that she can see. _

_Olivia wants to hold Jane through anything she's gone through._

_Emily wants to know what, __exactly,__ the 'anything' could be. _

_Jane has red and raised marks around her wrists and one of her ankles, there's a deep purple bruise on her upper arm. She has a split lip, a cut cheek, a black eye. They've put a splint on two of the fingers on her right hand. A cut near her hair line has been sutured closed. _

_The hospital issued sweatpants are still folded at the end of the bed. _

_As Olivia takes a step closer, talking softly, Emily does the math in her head, adding what she sees to what Dani said earlier. The result makes her hands clench hard into fists. _

_He grabbed her. _

_She fought him. _

_He beat her. She fought him. _

_He tied her. _

_He raped her. _

_She screamed. _

"_Jane," Olivia is still talking, still moving forward. "The doctor says that you won't have to stay more than a couple days. I know how you hate the hospital. And Em and I will be here every minute, okay? Fuck visiting hours. We're not-"_

"_Leave me alone," Jane growls without looking around, and Emily adds choking to the vile list in her head. _

_Olivia stops dead at the tone. It is new. "Jay," she says softly, uncertainly. "It's me. It's Olivia." _

_Jane's shoulders shrug unevenly. "Just leave me alone, please," she says, softer. _

_And Olivia, who has comforted her for so many years, who could tell Emily every dip and hitch of Jane's inflection…she reads the situation wrong. She hasn't done the math that Emily has, and so before she can warn her, Olivia close the distance and wraps Jane in her arms. _

_The noise Jane makes is so animal, so frightened, that Emily takes a couple of steps backwards involuntarily. _

"_Don't touch me!" Jane yells. She has pulled herself out of Olivia's arms, and her eyes are cloudy, terrified, and unseeing. _

_Emily regains command of her body, and she moves, placing herself between Olivia and Jane, facing the younger girl, her hands out. _

"_It's us," she says clearly. "It's okay, Jane. It's okay. It's over." _

_This is a lie. Emily knows, when she looks into Jane's face, that it is very, very far from over. _

"_Don't touch me," Jane says. She wraps her arms around herself. _

_Emily sits down next to Olivia in Jane's vacated spot. She puts her hands up, as if to prove they have no intentions, and she forces her voice not to shake. _

"_Okay." _

…

…

JJ and Emily invite Maura for a night cap at their hotel, and much to their surprise (and JJ's delight), she agrees. Jane stays behind with Alex and Michael, and she promises to update them the moment she knows anything.

So the three of them settle into a cluster of armchairs by the window of the lounge, and JJ laughs when Emily and Maura order the same drink, "Johnny Walker Blue, on the rocks."

Maura smiles shyly at Emily, who tries to remember the last time the two of them were together without Jane.

"Our mothers would be proud," Emily says, taking the seat closest to the window.

"My mother would wonder why I didn't ask if they stocked Quest," Maura says with a small scoff.

Emily laughs before she can help herself, the joke hitting just the right spot.

JJ looks pleasantly baffled. "Am I supposed to understand?" she asks lightly.

"It's an expensive type of whiskey," Maura explains softly. "My mother's favorite, actually. I can remember checking out of hotels mere hours after we'd checked in because they didn't have it in the bar."

This anecdote hits too close to home for Emily to comment on, but JJ makes a noise that is halfway between empathy and outrage, and the doctor looks comforted.

They sit for a while in silence, looking at the bright lights of the New York skyline, and Emily begins to feel self-conscious about their hotel choice.

She and JJ are staying at The Surrey, a luxury hotel on the Upper East Side that is fancy enough that they can leave their seven year old son asleep in their suite, knowing a member of hotel staff is keeping watch over him.

Emily had assumed that Maura and Jane, mostly Maura, would pick similarly extravagant lodgings, and had been surprised to hear they were staying at the NoMad in Midtown, which is understated and comfortable, and perfect for Jane.

As if on cue, Maura's phone makes a small chirping sound, and she picks it up. Emily notices her hand is trembling slightly, the only outward manifestation of her nerves.

"Is it Jane?" she asks, leaning forward.

Maura nods distractedly, reading.

JJ is looking at the phone over Maura's shoulder, lip between her teeth. She reaches out to put her hand over Maura's on the armrest.

"What does she say?" JJ asks gently.

Maura has to swallow a couple of times in order to speak. "Three broken ribs, a broken wrist, and a plethora of bruises." Maura takes a breath. "Rape kit negative," she finishes shakily, leaning back in her chair. Emily thinks that she sort of deflates.

JJ leans forward to put her hand on Emily's knee, but she doesn't let go of Maura. "Okay," she says softly. "She's going to be okay."

Emily nods, feeling both heavier and lighter as she processes the information.

Their drinks are delivered, but they continue to sit linked together, lost in their own thoughts. JJ squeezes Emily's knee and when Emily looks at her, she inclines her head towards Maura, whose eyes have gone glossy with tears.

"Jane didn't type the word plethora," Emily says, trying at a smile, "she thinks Plethora is a country."

It's not her best work, but it pulls Maura from wherever she's gotten lost with a laugh.

"They're are with her," Maura says, blinking away the wetness in her eyes. "And, oh! Jane's bringing Michael with her for the night."

She looks up at Emily with a smile. "She's amazing with him."

"She is," Emily agrees, knowing she sounds surprised. "She was always the one of us who swore she'd never have children, even after we were adults."

JJ raises an eyebrow. "Are you sure that wasn't you?" she asks.

Emily shakes her head. "I'm frightened of what my genes will produce," she corrects. "But that never stopped me from wanting to be a mother. In some way."

"Mmhm," JJ says. "So you were on the lookout for women with children, then? I thought I was special."

"Blonde FBI agents with children," Emily says, raising a hand. "That's not an easy slot to fill."

JJ laughs, but Maura is looking between them, eyes wide.

"Maura?" JJ questions. "Are you-"

"You're pregnant," Maura interrupts, looking around at JJ. "You're _pregnant_?"

Emily and JJ stare at her, dumbfounded. "How on earth did you figure that out?" JJ asks.

"You've gained weight," Maura says bluntly, and then she goes crimson as the other two women start to laugh.

"No," she says quickly, "I-I apologize. That's not what I meant."

JJ touches her arm again, still smiling. "It's okay, Maura," she says gently. "You're right, I have."

Maura smiles between them. She is enjoying herself, Emily knows, and she is also surprised to be enjoying herself. It is possible that until this very moment, she has continued to see them all as _Jane's _friends. As people who tolerate her simply because she is in love with their best friend.

The thought makes Emily a little sad.

"I noticed you'd put on a little weight," Maura amends, "And your hair suggests pre-natal vitamins, and just now," she gestures at Emily, "she used the present tense when referring to her genes."

Emily hadn't realized this. She makes a tsking sound with her teeth. "You know, Doctor, should you ever tire of autopsies, I know an FBI unit that could use a profiling mind like yours."

Maura smiles widely. "High praise," she says quietly.

Emily decides that she likes Maura Isles a lot.

….

…

_Emily climbs into bed with Olivia. _

_They haven't said anything to each other since she turned out the light over an hour ago, but Emily knows by the rise and fall of Olivia's covers that she isn't sleeping. _

_And when she starts to cry, Emily can't just lie there and let her do so alone. So she slides into bed next to her best friend, and when the other woman rolls over and wraps her arms around her, Emily forces the bloom of desire away with the thought of Jane in the hospital. _

"_Olivia," she whispers, and Olivia starts to cry harder. _

"_She wouldn't let me touch her," she says into Emily's throat. "She wouldn't let me near her." _

"_I know," Emily says. "She wouldn't let me eith-"_

"_No!" Olivia pushes away from her, suddenly angry. "You don't get it! It used to be that no matter what he did, she'd let me hold her after. No matter what awful things he'd said her, she always let me take…take care of her." _

_She dissolves into tears again, and Emily feels her own throat get tight. She'd been there with Olivia for almost five years of this, but she'd rarely thought about the years before her arrival. _

_She lets her hand trail up Emily's back, rubbing gently. _

"_She needs time," she says. "He…" but she cannot make herself repeat any of the words that the ER physician had said to them earlier. _

"_She needs time." _

"_Is she broken?" Olivia asks the question guiltily, like she is ashamed for asking. _

_Emily shakes her head. "No," she says firmly. "She's just hurt. She's just hurt really badly." _

_Olivia doesn't answer for some time, and she has just begun to doze off when she feels Olivia's breath on her throat. _

"_Thank you, Em," the other girl whispers. "Thank you for coming back. It's not whole without you." _

_And Emily thinks that she never, ever, needs to be with anyone romantically ever again, so long as she can have these two. _

_So long as she is always welcome home._

…

…

They are back at the hospital less than 10 hours later, and when they push through the door to the waiting room, Jane and Maura are already there, though there is no sign of Alex or Mikey.

Jane looks tired, no, _exhausted, _but the smile she gives Emily is genuine.

"Hello, Hero," Emily says when they are close enough. Jane sucks her teeth, but her eyes don't lose the grin from earlier.

"Thought we'd give the family some time. Olivia is awake and lucid. She looks like hell, but…" Jane makes a motion as if to say, _we've all been there. _"I told her we'd come in when you got here." It is evident to all parties that Jane means just her and Emily, but it doesn't feel like a brush off.

The two of them head off down the hall towards Olivia's room, and when they are out of earshot of their wives, Emily takes a breath.

"Hey, Jane," she begins, and then she stops because she doesn't know how to continue.

Jane shoots her a sideways glance. "You know what's really cool about you and JJ?" she says casually.

Emily raises her eyebrows.

"When you two got together, you got softer."

Jane waves away the sound of protest Emily makes. "No, I mean…you used to be this super, _super_ hard ass. Not in a _bad _way. I just mean that…" she bites her lip. "You were always there for us. You were always the one to take care of us. You were the rock. You had to be." She glances at Emily and then away again. "And I get it. Liv and I…we're a lot to handle."

Emily doesn't know what to say to this. Jane is never the one to begin the deep conversations. Luckily for her, Jane doesn't require a response.

"But when you got with JJ, and Henry started calling you Mom… you sort of…melted. You started letting things hit you." Jane stops just outside the door to Olivia's room. "The opposite happened with me and Maura," Jane says quietly. "I'm…I just…" she casts around for a long, long moment, and then she looks up into Emily's face. "I'm here for you," she says.

And it is proof of Jane's words that Emily Prentiss almost starts to bawl in public. She wipes at her eyes with one hand, and shoves Jane towards the door with the other. "Get in there," she says, playing at annoyance.

Jane smirks.

It is, however, a grade school like Jane Rizzoli who clambers up beside Olivia in the big hospital bed. Olivia puts her good arm around Jane's shoulders and kisses the side of her head, whispering something that Emily can't hear. Then she turns her eyes to Emily, pointing with her chin at her other side.

Emily climbs up carefully on the other side of Olivia, and she lets out the breath she's been holding since she and JJ loaded the car 72 hours ago.

Jane hears, and understands. "Yeah," she says softly. "No more getting kidnapped, Liv. You know it's not whole without you."

Olivia grunts in what might be an attempt at a scoff.

Emily smiles, and closes her eyes.


End file.
